An Opinion, My Opinion? Doesn't Matter, Cause It's True!

This has been on my mind for a while. 

 

Shilo has a temper on him. He ALWAYS has. Most of the time, what he gets angry over is BS in my opinion, but SOMETIMES, he's right. And when he's right, I'll stand next to him and agree with him, and defend his reasoning.

 

In early February, he told me that other than my personal blogs, he was going on a commenting hiatus for a month.  I didn't question him, it's his prerogative, and I fully support him. When the middle of March rolled around, and he was still not commenting on any writing, other than to me personally, I asked him about it. He told me and showed me what had his "panties in a knot,"  I was floored by what I saw, and I agreed with his wisdom to not comment. Am I going to comment about the blog? I sure am! But here, because my allies come here, and can maybe give me feedback that's helpful and kind, and today I need helpful and kind.

 Shilo and myself often frequent blogs that are F/m DD blogs, written by various people who practice that lifestyle.  Some of these people are people that I consider to be my friends. We not only comment on what's been written, but also email each other on occasion. They have provided me with comfort through hard times, and if we were geographically closer, I'm sure we would hang out together and hug each other when times were rough, cause that's what friends do.

 

Some of these writers have become quite popular over the past 7 years, when we first began perusing these blogs, and one writer in particular has experience with BDSM much like we do, but unless it's brought up, we keep our BDSM out of the picture, cause that's a whole 'nother bag of chips.

There's also some writers who I have stopped reading altogether because they have gone off the deep end in my opinion, and I'm sure that Shilo has stopped as well. Shilo is highly intelligent, but when we first got together in a BDSM setting, eight long years ago, he knew nothing (and I mean NOTHING) about the BDSM lifestyle, other than the fact that he was a masochist, actually, a heavy masochist, that liked nothing more than being spanked. His desire was to be spanked by women, or a woman, but it's not easy for a man to find a woman who will spank him on a regular basis unless it's a pro-domme, especially if you're first starting out.  That led him to finding male spankers, most of whom were gay, to fulfill his needs and desires, even though he was, by his own admission, asexual, but that's a story for another day, and his to tell, not mine.

 

Now, within the BDSM community, and apparently the DD community, there are those who believe that women are superior to men, and I call bullshit on that! No one gender is better or smarter than the other, although, and I say this with a slight giggle, sometimes men do make bonehead moves because they can be "know-it-alls" who think they can master any task. Sorry, people, we all have our innate talents, and that's just how it is. 

 

NOW READ THIS:

 

NO GENDER IS SUPERIOR TO ANOTHER. WE ALL HAVE OUR OWN TALENTS AND ABILITIES!

 

Just because a couple practices F/m DD, it doesn't mean that the woman is infallible. Ideally, the relationship is mutually agreed upon, and rules are set. Well, there are some women who have started reading and commenting on one blog in particular written by a man talking about DD in his life, but also getting plenty of feedback by his readers where these women have written and decided that their husbands not only were forbidden from commenting, but also reading it! 

 

It sat wrong with Shilo, and rather than spewing vitriol, he opted to just back away (Good for you honey, cause it's far better to choose your battles) and these female CUNTs  (Cant Understand Normal Thinking) aren't worth the effort. Honestly, until he showed me, I had no idea how rabid these commenters had become. It's embarrassing, and now that I've read it myself, I have decided to just hold back on releasing my wrath and righteous anger at them. It's not like they would understand anyway. They're too far up their own asses to notice.

I guess I'm mostly upset because I feel this gentleman's writings would be helpful to men who are in a F/m DD relationship. I feel that knowing you aren't alone in your practices and that there are people in the same position as you who could provide support if needed is important, somewhere where you could ask questions and get answers from real people.

 

Surely, we can't be the only people who have seen these commenters and realized that the environment will become toxic if it continues unchecked. Sacrificing what you believe in for internet popularity is NOT worth it! Eventually, you'll lose the people who support and believe in you the most. So yeah, I've said it. The person I'm writing about is someone I've grown to like and respect, although he rarely comes here, but I'm pretty sure he'll hear about it.

2020 Year In Review: A Personal Outlook

Our Internet, cable, and Wi-Fi went out on New Year’s Day, and was out until the evening of the 4^th so I say better late than never.(Originally posted ELSEWHERE)

2020 will no doubt go into the record books as being a horrible year, but I'm going to inject my reality into it. Bear in mind that this is a NON-POLITICAL PERSONAL journal entry:

My long-term Partner-In-Crime, Stitch, was laid off in early February. Then, later that month my older sister with dementia had lung cancer surgery. It enabled my niece (her only child) and I to get closer after many years of estrangement.

In March, as the COVID-19 pandemic started affecting California, and quarantine/lockdowns became a reality, I took over grocery shopping for my older sister due to her health status. Waiting in line to get into a grocery store for 45 minutes to an hour was a reality, and her favorite store was frequently out of her favorite foods, so I had to get creative to find what she needed and wanted. It turns out that the grocery store I use most had nearly everything she needed and at lower prices!

In late April/early May, I had an accident that totaled my car that I inherited when my Mother died 7 years before. It was a very difficult time for me emotionally, but made easier because my older sister (the one who had the cancer surgery in February) had added my name to her car that she no longer drove back in January, so I was able to take it and get it back in working order. The insurance money I received was more than enough to cover all the work needed, including new tires.

By mid-May, Stitch, got a part-time temporary job working for a large retailer known for low prices. In September he received a card that gave his household an employee discount. With everything going on, that discount is very helpful.

June was quiet, and in the middle of July, I had my quarantine birthday (Happy 59^th!) then, near the end of July, my 8 y/o granddaughter infected her entire household with COVID-19 (Her father [child #5] her mother [my DIL] her uncle [child #4 AKA Babyman, who also happens to be disabled and is high-risk] her little brother, age 3, and her baby sister, age 14 months) It was a worrisome time for me, but they all had mild symptoms and recovered without winding up in the hospital.

In September, they bought and moved into their first house. It's still in the same area, but much closer to me. Also in September, I finally had dental insurance and began treatment that I thought would be finished by the end of October. Guess what? I'm STILL undergoing treatment, and currently have a messed up smile (Thank goodness for masks!) and eating has been an adventure for over 3 months.

In October, my Husband and Chosen One, Shilo, received the news we've been waiting to hear. His numbers are undetectable, meaning that his prostate cancer is under control. Yes, he still has to take his chemotherapy, but it's mostly a precaution because he has/had Advanced Metastatic Prostate Cancer. Two years ago, he was told that if he decided to not undergo treatment (chemo and radiation) he would die within 2 years. I'm so grateful that he did the chemo and radiation. Yes, they left him with some nasty side effects, but it's better than being dead.

In November, we celebrated Shilo’s 64^th Birthday by serenading him. With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, finding a normal-sized turkey (12 lbs) was impossible, so I wound up buying a 22 lbs(!) turkey and freezing the leftovers. Good thing I like turkey! I also decided that this was the year I tried making fruitcake.

December was a month of baking and cooking unlike anything I could have imagined! Total "damage" was 11 fruitcakes, homemade candied orange peel, orange-infused sugar, and orange syrup, homemade candied lime peel, lime-infused sugar, and lime syrup. I even made a lime pie for dessert for Christmas along with brownies, and of course, my Mom's Christmas Pork recipe for Christmas breakfast. I did cancel a dentist appointment on the 21st and rescheduled it for the 30th because I wanted to enjoy eating Christmas dinner. Instead of removing my lower 4 teeth front teeth when I saw the dentist he only removed TWO (2!). Again I say "Thank goodness for masks!"

So here it is, the New Year 7 days old, and I'm back to eating soft food, and my speech is mostly unintelligible, but like I jokingly told the dentist "Out with the old (teeth), and in with the new (in a few weeks)"

Saving the best for last, on New Year’s Eve, I was told that effective January 1, 2021, Stitch was hired as a full-time permanent employee. Also a very special acknowledgment to my FIL and MIL who have been VERY supportive of us this past year, and I/We are extremely grateful for all the help they've provided.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

 

A (Pre)Christmas Miracle And Intervention

FACTS:

1. Shilo is stubborn, often to his detriment.

2. I am stubborn as well, especially if I am right, or telling the truth.

3. There are times when NO amount of reasoning works with Shilo.

4. On the rare occasion when this happens, I feel I have no choice but to put it in writing.

5. When I put something in writing, the "noise" stops, and he has to focus on the subject without any interruption.

When I wrote "Loathing In The House Of The Laughing Sun" (https://keepcalmanddowhatmerrytellsyou.blogspot.com/2020/12/loathing-in-house-of-laughing-sun.html) it was my way of getting his undivided attention.  Unfortunately, it didn't work, and things became even more unbearable. In what I guess was a last-ditch effort to "rescue" Christmas, Sunshine took over. She adores Shilo, and Shilo has a special Love for Sunshine. This mutuality allows for Sunshine to ask questions that I never would, and express feelings that are muddled and deep within me. She asks the hard questions and shares our (hers and mine) fears in a way where whether or not he agrees, he is in a place of careful listening and consideration.

Unless she (Sunshine) chooses to share what they discuss, I am blissfully ignorant, and Shilo knows he can tell her whatever he wants without fear or concern of my knowledge. Sunshine also tells my "secrets" which means that he will often know things that I don't necessarily want him to know yet. It's a safe place for the both of them. Speaking of "safe places" Sunshine will come out and show up to "protect" me, mostly to prevent my feelings from being hurt, but also to protect me from any number of painful things. So, that was her reasoning for coming out on Sunday night and staying out until early Tuesday morning. 

When I came out I was sad. Sadder than I've been in a long while, and it's lingering. I still have a "crying headache,"  and she posted about "Thinking so hard" that she had a headache on Facebook sometime Monday. Still not sure what It all means. The "good" news is that Sunshine convinced Shilo that I need a Happy Christmas, so Shilo promised her that he would call a truce until after then, and then go day by day  (minute by minute?) after that.

I know that Shilo still probably feels how he did earlier, but I also know that this truce might last long enough that we can get through this and maybe even fix whatever pain we're dealing with. I know there is Love, and that hasn't changed. I know that we walked into our relationship and marriage with both eyes open, and I hope we can get through this rough patch by holding on to one another and trusting that things will get better.

For now, I'm happy that my anger is gone, and I'll be happy to be rid of this headache.

Loathing In The House Of The Laughing Sun

I'm trying, I've tried. As far as I know, I've done my very best. I don't lie to Shilo, and other than the occasional sadness or worries about things, I don't hide things from him. It's perfect. Well, except for now.

There is insanity creeping in. I don't know if it's because of us being stuck at home due to the continuing COVID-19 stay at home orders, or something else. All I do know is that there's no reasoning with crazy, and that crazy eventually rubs off onto everything and everyone else. People who know me best know that while I can be social when necessary, I much prefer being quiet at home. Oh! and hugs! I am a hugger. I enjoy physical contact, but on my conditions. Obviously, I'm not getting nearly enough hugs. This adds to my depression and anxiety. Again, due to the COVID-19 restrictions, I don't see people who I used to see ALL the time. This includes "Master B." Sure, we've seen each other a few times, but due to the potential health risks, we have made a conscious decision to not see each other. It suits us well. Over the time we've been in a relationship, we have gone through long periods of time (3+ months) where we didn't see each other. We're also guilty of having a lack of communication, in that we will go for weeks without talking to each other on the phone or even emailing each other or texting. It's just how we are in our relationship. Again, this is NOT a big deal. Not for us, anyway. We’re both confident and comfortable with it.

Do I miss "Master B?" Sure I miss him, but not in the same longing for him way that I have missed Shilo when we’ve been apart. Like it or not, I’m very attached to Shilo. Unfortunately, Shilo has been extremely difficult lately. Aggressive, disagreeable, argumentative, and he’s been making my life a living hell. I know he’s going to see this, but I’m not concerned about that. What I am concerned about is his reason. Why is he acting like this? What (real or imagined) thing has happened to cause this? I asked him last night. I’m past frustration, and I’ve gotten to the point of exasperation with his behavior, and his answer didn’t make things any better. What is Shilo’s reason for mistreating me, you ask? Brace yourselves, people. This is good. In his (Shilo’s) words taken from his blog (https://merryslavesdiary.blogspot.com/2020/12/15-december-tuesday-diary-hfc-70.html)

“A feeling of ..anger..and resentment... building up within me, based on my belief that she would rather be with B than with me.”

That’s it! That’s what he thinks, and NONE OF IT is based on reality. It’s all his thinking and imagination, and I’m being punished for it. And, yes, this is punishing for me. The anger and resentment being displayed hurts me to the core, and he knows it, and he doesn’t care, because in his mind, I deserve it. I’d laugh if I didn’t feel like crying.

I’ve reassured him to the best of my ability, told him he can look through all my accounts to see what I’ve written and sent to “Master B.” I have nothing to hide. But Shilo thinks I have some “hidden agenda.” I don’t. I’m battling an overwhelming feeling of sadness and depression and doing my best to muddle through. Blame the time of year. Tomorrow will be 8 years since my Mom’s sudden and unexpected death. It comes down to would I like to see “Master B?” Yes, but not with all the COVID-19 restrictions. Do I miss him? Yes, but I miss LOTS of people, some more than others. Would I rather be with him than Shilo? That’s a trick question, because right now Shilo is currently doing everything in his power to make me miserable, and I don’t like feeling miserable. But in general, no, I’d rather be right here where I am, with my Chosen One and Husband, Shilo. He (Shilo) is my home, “Master B” is my Disneyland. Fun to visit under normal circumstances, but I most certainly wouldn’t want to live there, and after a day or two, I’m more than ready to go home, and right now, home is where I want to be. I just wish Shilo understood that.

 

EDITED TO ADD:

It's a good thing that Shilo has been avoiding the six o'clock alarm, because his anger has rubbed off on me.  I couldn't spank him anyway.

 

Nothing Rhymes With Oranges!

 It's that time of year again! 

My Dear friend and fellow blogger, KD Pierre, (http://collectedsubs.blogspot.com/)  has his annual Holiday Cocktail exchange. This year however, things have been more than a little topsy-turvy, so recipes have been encouraged as well.  I thought about this, and decided why not have it all? So I present to you my recipe for candied orange peel that  gives you 3 (THREE!) treats in one fabulous recipe!

Merry's Candied Orange Peels

3 to 4 large oranges

1½ cups water

3 cups sugar

2 cups sugar

Buy the prettiest oranges you can find. Unblemished and pleasant smelling. Wash the whole orange under running water to get rid of any dirt or residue.

Using a sharp knife, remove the orange peels carefully, then cut the peels into 1/4-inch-wide strips. 

 

Boil peels and 1 cup cold water to a pan, bring to a boil and cook for 15 minutes. Rinse and drain, repeat. (I like to do it a minimum of 3 times)

Add 3 cups sugar and 1½ cups water to a pan. Heat, stirring, until the sugar is dissolved and the syrup is boiling. Add the peels, reduce to a simmer and cook, using a wooden spoon to stir the pan occasionally, for 1 hour. Don’t be like me and get distracted!

 

Place 2 cups of sugar in a medium bowl.

Use a slotted spoon to remove a few of the peels at a time and let the excess syrup drip off for a few seconds. Place the hot, wet peels in the bowl of sugar and toss to coat. Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper to set, about 2 hours. Put it in a ziplock bag or a plastic container.

There are many uses for candied orange peel, my favorite being eating it as is, but you can add it to nearly any recipe or even cocktails. Check out Google for ideas.

 

 

Save the syrup to add to your drinks/cocktails for a wonderful kick of citrus flavor!. Save remaining orange infused sugar for special occasions. (I like it in my herbal tea)

ENJOY!

 

Photo Credits 

Orange peel: Me

Naked Chef pictures: Stitch M.

It's Six O'Clock Somewhere...

Hello my people! Whether you are a first-time reader, an occasional reader, or someone who reads everything I write, you are "My" people. You share an interest in whatever I write about, or maybe you show up for the occasional (okay, rare) nudes of myself, Shilo, or one of my other "victims." Either way, happy to have you here!

I've had many changes over the years, including a complete stop of BDSM and Domestic Discipline of my Husband/Chosen One/slave Shilo due to his ongoing problems related to his health. Currently, his Advanced metastatic prostate cancer is under control thanks to his Chemotherapy (an injection every 3 months) and last year's Radiation, although they have some unpleasant side effects. Still better than being dead, and 2 years ago, he only had maybe 2 years to live without treatment, so I'm happy.

Related to all that, Shilo recently decided to talk to his doctor about his desire to engage in sexual activity, and related to that, although not mentioned to the doctor, is his interest in spanking and other related activity has returned. I NEVER, not once, complained about his lack of interest since his diagnosis, because it's not like he has had any control in the matter. This was his decision to do something about it, and I'm glad it was Shilo's decision, because it means a lot to me.

Last week, Shilo sent me an email titled "The Six O'Clock Alarm" and because it is personal, yet relevant, especially to couples who may have reached a point of disinterest, or maybe a dry spell, I wanted to share the email with you.  In the interest of presenting it in my blog, I've changed some You's to me, etc. Please enjoy!

The Six O'Clock Alarm

His phone alarm goes off at 6PM, every day.

Am I in the kitchen, at the computer, in bed, next to him, not home? If I am easy to find, he may ask me something like "You in?" or "You game?"

He will not wake me for this – appointment. If I am asleep, It's canceled. 

IF I am not home, it's canceled. IF I say 'No', with or without a reason, doesn't matter, it's canceled. He can cancel, too, for health issues.

IF we're both in and willing:

He will enter Stitch’s bedroom (on the rare occasion that Stitch might be occupying his bedroom at this particular time, we'll adjust this to our room). Shilo will prepare himself, in terms of state of undress suitable for the temperature, and position himself for a spanking.

Before I enter the bedroom, I will go into the Dining Room to use the dice. There is paper, and a pen nearby. I will roll ONE die, to indicate the number of spanking implements I get to pick. Then I will roll BOTH dice, to indicate how many swats of the each implement.... and write the numbers down. I will continue rolling, one roll for each implement, until my list is complete. (EXAMPLE: I roll a 4, so four implements, and then I roll 10, so ten swats with the first implement, then I roll 3, so three swats with the second, and so on...)

This MAY result in one implement, two swats. This MAY result in six implements, twelve swats each. That's just... the way the dice roll.

I will go into the bedroom, select my implement(s), and (this would be a great time for me to say anything that comes to mind, along the lines of “I'm glad I'm about to spank you, because you did this, or I'm upset about that”), and deliver the indicated number of swats to his anxiously-waiting bare bottom.

I will put down the implement, select my next, employ it, and so on until I have finished with the number of implements indicated, and then I will announce by saying, "Done!" so he knows I’m finished. If I’m feeling nice, I will ask him to pose for pictures for his diary. I might then say, cheerily, "All done!" or perhaps, grumpily, any other words that lets him know he can get up, get dressed, put away implements, etc. He might even offer a 'thank you' of an intimate nature, right after. I may accept or refuse, my choice.

Back to the cancellations mentioned above: If there are three cancellations in any one week period (Sunday to Saturday) we will have a conference to assess the reasons, and decide if the plan is working for us.

Positive to this plan: no guesswork as to the other's mood, no hemming and hawing. No asking or demanding. This is not punishment or discipline, which Shilo resents. For me, this could be therapeutic, I can think about the number of times I wanted to spank him, and he wouldn't cooperate.

Negative to this plan is no spontaneity. Spontaneity has not worked great for us, anyway. No adjustment to the number of swats decided by the dice. If I don't think the number is big enough, I can wait another day. Or lie. He has no way of verifying the numbers that came up on the dice. I might be pissed off by something he did and decide, without rolling any dice, that the numbers are 6x12.

So, my people, what do YOU think? Do you have any thoughts or input?

I will share that I had my doubts, but since that email, we have done this three separate times, and it has worked out well for us.

A "Challenge?"

 One of my favorite guys KD Pierre (https://www.blogger.com/profile/04623475693010155892) recently posted a series of naked people next to the Christmas tree so we could say which one we liked best my "Chosen One" Shilo (https://www.blogger.com/profile/11209310275450354399)  mentioned that one of them had a resemblance to me from the neck down, and she actually won the pick. (http://collectedsubs.blogspot.com/2020/12/winning-vixen.html)

Now, you can see part of my "bounty" in "A Slip of the Nip" (https://keepcalmanddowhatmerrytellsyou.blogspot.com/2020/05/a-slip-of-nip.html) from May this year, and it's perfectly clear she can't possibly be me, given that I have dark brown hair, but there are a few who thought the blonde was me, which, frankly, pisses me off, because blonde is definitely NOT my hair color. 

 

Well, anyway, my tree isn't up yet, but I am considering giving proof that dark brown is MUCH better than blonde for me personally by posting a picture of me by MY tree after it's been put up to end any squabbling once and for all.
 

Until then.... 

Written 11AM PST, November 7, 2020

It's the strangest thing...

 

I woke up and the sun looked brighter today.

The air was sweeter, and there was Krispy Kreme doughnuts and coffee waiting for me, and I felt all my tension leave. It's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. 

 

Then I turned on the TV and I saw a most glorious sight: We have a new President-Elect!

 

Call me crazy, but I'm so happy that tears are running down my face. My People are safe! My Friends and F/family can live their lives without fear. 

 

People are dancing in the streets of Washington DC, Philadelphia, San Francisco, Boston, Atlanta, and New York to name just a few. Not the crowds of angry protesters of 2016.

 

I hope and pray that this Joy continues.

 

Picture courtesy of my sweetheart Partner-In-Crime, Stitch

 

A Slip of the Nip

It's time for me to post something new, so here's a slip of the nip, and a photo of one of my more recent spankings with a fine gentleman that needed one.

Speaking of OUCH!! I got into a car accident this past Saturday (May 2nd)


Here are pictures of the damage:

 Did I mention that the radiator blew? Anyway, the insurance company towed it to their yard a few days ago, and yesterday they called me and said it was a total loss, which didn't surprise me, but it did surprise Shilo.

Don't worry, I'm fine and while I have LOTS of memories tied up in the car, it's been giving me plenty of worries recently, so maybe it's for the best.

Stay safe everyone!

Merry

True Christmas Eve Story PLUS A Gift For My Friends

Imagine this:
6PM Christmas Eve. I enter a crowded grocery store in Long Beach, CA.  Yeah, I can be a bit of a masochist at times. anyway, i realized I was nearly out of paper towels, and I needed oranges for tomorrow's breakfast, so I braved the insanity. Imagine my surprise/horror when I saw an ENTIRE row devoted to Valentine's Day! On Christmas Eve! What The Actual FUCK???!!! Anyway, I got in the shortest long line (9 people in front of me) and waited.

I'm still a bit behind in my cooking/baking, and some gifts won't be arriving until Saturday (via Amazon) but at least that part is done.

My Christmas Gift:

Due to several requests, I'm sharing my Mother's recipe for Christmas Pork. The fun part was reducing the recipe from what I normally do (5+ lbs of pork, nearly 3 large bottles of red wine vinegar, and a full bottle of red wine plus more heads of garlic than I care to admit) to what "normal" people do. (about a pound of pork) Here is the base recipe (measurements of seasonings are to taste, but it is very garlicky)

Christmas Pork (Portuguese Recipe)

1 lb Pork cut into cubes
1 1/2 cups red wine vinegar
3/4 cup dry red wine
1 bay leaf
1 large whole garlic head with cloves sliced thin
1 teaspoon salt
pepper (just a little)
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning

Mix together vinegar, red wine, garlic, salt, bay leaf, pepper, and Italian seasoning in large bowl. Add pork, and stir well. Make sure pork cubes are covered. Refrigerate minimum overnight, better if 24 hours. Stir occasionally.

On Christmas morning (about 11, because I like to sleep in) I drain the pork on a paper towel, then melt about 1/2 cube of butter in a large skillet. Add the pork to the skillet in batches to prevent crowding; cook and stir until completely browned and no longer pink in the center. Add more butter as necessary. DO NOT USE MARGARINE OR OIL!

Now, you might ask then what? Make plain scrambled eggs, and serve them together. For real authenticity, serve oranges cut in quarters on the side. Now, the purpose for the orange is twofold. One, it cuts on the garlic breath, two, it reduces the gas.

Merry Christmas!

♥ ♥ ♥

Merry

Holiday Cocktail Time!

My apologies, but I believe in arriving fashionably late, and it's near 5PM here, so perfect for cocktails!

Here's my personal favorite with a twist:

Merry's Merry Christmas Fizz

2 shots (2 oz) Grenadine Syrup
12 oz. Seagrams Dry Ginger Ale 
4 oz Pineapple Juice
 Ice

Stir it up little darlin' and share it with your favorite loved one! 

By using the Seagrams Dry Ginger Ale, it's not too sweet, and the pineapple juice makes it nice and fruity.

Sorry, nobody here for my picture.

Our Host's Contribution 

Hermoinie's Contribution 

Ronnie's Contribution 

Cocktails Anyone?

I'm pretty sure most people have heard of a "Cookie Exchange" where a group of people (usually women) get together around Hanukkah and Christmas and bake a batch of their specialty cookies and have cards available with the recipe so that they can share it.

Anyway, my Dear Friend KDPierre came up with a different idea.  How about doing one with Holiday cocktails? It doesn't have to have alcohol in it (Good thing, because I don't drink alcohol!) and it would be fun! Well, I'm on board with that!

You can find the blog with the participation information and "rules" HERE! On the date of what I'm calling the "Cocktail Party" add your link to the recipe, and then, add everyone else's links to their cocktail recipes so it looks like Hermoine's and then EVERYONE can have some fun!

See you on the 17th!

Observing Shilo, An Update

Over 3 years ago, I noticed the changes in Shilo as his still undiagnosed prostate cancer worked its way deeper into his body and metastasized. I spent over two years arguing with the (former) GP to get a PSA test done on him, and I've spent the past year dealing with the effects of that neglect. Inoperable metastatic prostate cancer. He has been receiving chemotherapy since March this year, and his 9 weeks of radiation therapy is scheduled to come to an end on December 17th. The radiation has not been kind to him, and many days he's been too sick to eat. Seeing that come to an end and him possibly feeling better will be a happy occasion indeed!

On the other hand, he will probably be on chemotherapy for the rest of his life, and fortunately, his body has tolerated the effects of it really well. The lack of testosterone and subsequent increase in estrogen and its effects on him physically, mentally, and emotionally have been interesting. While not what I would call stoic, Shilo wasn't one to express his emotions with me. Now there is a lovely spectrum coming from him. His Love is expressed in many ways, as are his fears, desires, and sharing his needs. It really is beautiful to have him share with me. His understanding of what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling that way has increased to a point where not only will he reach for me, but his ability to empathize with me is amazing. He has become my mirror, and with all the pain and confusion there's been, it allows for healing in ways beyond my imagination.

Always comfortable with his masculinity, even when I would dress him in women's clothing, he has continued to be so, and has embraced the physical effects of the lack of testosterone. My days of dressing him as a woman are likely over, but he knows that I enjoy the breast growth, and I don't poke at him, remembering what it was like when my breasts started developing. In fact, I'm more likely to ask his permission before handling him. He's undergone so many changes, that I feel it would be selfish for me to force things on him. I like to think of him as the same man I married 6+ years ago but with upgrades.

I remember being told in January that chemotherapy for prostate cancer had a different effect than the more "traditional" chemotherapy, and I'm so glad I didn't convince him to shave off all his lovely hair. His lovely hair and nice ass were the things that initially attracted me to him. He still has that.

I understand that some people wouldn't like the effects of increased estrogen, which include breast growth, shrinkage of the penis and testes, decreased libido, and all the emotional changes as well, but in my opinion, it beats dying of cancer. It's a matter of deciding what is more important in your relationship: having one where your partner has a chance of survival or not having a partner at all.

Is it hard? Well, I have had days where I struggled to not feel sorry for both him and myself, and cried so many tears that I became thirsty from dehydration. I am not exaggerating! Then there was our 6 year wedding anniversary weekend in September where he was feeling well enough to travel, and we went to Ventura with me driving, and had a wonderful time doing a few of his "Bucket List" items. He was even looking healthy then, and I have pictures that I will treasure. I'll say that I'm constantly learning how to roll with the punches. We both are.

Having an extended support system of friends and loved ones has made it easier, and I know that most of them are only a call or text away. Having someone who will hold my hand and/or cry with me allows me to focus on the important stuff. The sadness never stays long, and worry? Well life is full of worries, so why allow it to rule me? I can easily come up with a list of friends and family who are having a difficult time right now, so I know we aren't alone, and if I can shine a light or light a candle to help them through the dark, then my job is done. I know they will do the same for me.

Merry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zzutyUquD5A