Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Visiting The In-Laws

It's that time of year again. We've been with Shilo's parents going on the fourth day now, and yesterday was his birthday. We head home tomorrow. Big changes from last year. Mostly in attitude. I'm more comfortable around them, and his mom seems to be much more relaxed around me. She isn't trying to feed me constantly.

Shilo and I are having "issues"  that I really have no control in fixing.  Apparently,  his upset stomach has affected his sex drive, or, at least, that's his claim. It's not so much that I doubt him, but I can't help but worry that there's something he's hiding from me. My own self-doubt will eventually kill me. I spend way too much time blaming myself for the shortcomings in our marriage. I'm madly in Love with Shilo,  and I'll be the first to admit that things aren't as wonderful or perfect as we had hoped or imagined, but I still think we're better off than we were 18 months ago. It makes me sad that I can't fix the problems we're having. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure anyone or anything can fix all of them.

Love is the glue that holds us together,  that, and a desire to make things work. I had really hoped that time away from home would help, but I guess I was wrong. I feel like crying, but the tears won't come.