Saturday, January 30, 2016

Something to Think About

I mentioned in my previous post my desire to reconnect with certain family members, but I really haven't acted on it. There's just so much other things to do, so the "priority level" isn't as high. I still have 11 months till the end of this year to make an effort. Don't get me wrong... I have made a few tiny moves towards doing it, but there's still the fear of rejection. I still hold certain people at an arms length due to me still nursing my hurt feelings, but I'm working on that as well. Like I wrote before, it's a desire, not a need.

I also decided in December I'd do a "Happy/Funny" jar of events in my life, so when I feel sad or bad, I can refer back to those events. I don't have something for every day, but I'm fine with that. I also don't have a jar. Instead, I have a Document on my computer for it. Some days (like Friday, for example) I have more than one thing, so it makes up for those less than stellar days.

I also try to remind myself of all the skills I learned last year, especially where it comes to Shilo's need for gluten free foods. I even have a few personal favorites that I've learned to make, such as gluten free chocolate peanut butter pie, and gluten free potatoes au gratin. Honestly, most of my cooking was gluten free to begin with, and I was surprised to find that out. It was mostly prepackaged foods that have gluten in them, so I have to read labels. Of course, I still eat food with gluten in it (I love my bread!) as does Stitch, but we try to eat those things when Shilo is at work. Naturally, I work hard to ensure that I always make as many items as possible gluten free, because I hate to see Shilo in gastrointestinal distress or sad that he can't have something I've made.

My son, Jonathan, has gotten occasional "breaks" from being in the hospital by his Oncologist at City of Hope Hospital, but just recently spent 8 days in getting more chemo. He was released last night, and I drove him home.  He's gearing up for his planned bone marrow transplant in February. He also told me that they are discussing radiation as well. I'm just happy that he's gotten better than he was, and his attitude is so positive. I attribute this to the power of prayers and positive healing thoughts that he's received.

I'm not sure if I mentioned that Child #4 (my disabled son, Daniel) was a 100% match for Jonathan in my previous post, so I'll mention it now. His Neurologist has approved for him to be the Donor, (and Daniel has expressed a desire to do so) but the Transplant Team at City of Hope Hospital has to approve it. Let's all hope and pray it works out! No matter what, though, I will say that this demonstrates the Love my kids have for each other. Yes, there is one that was/is negative about this, and balked at being tested, but the others have shown so much Love, that it doesn't matter.

Please continue to keep my Family and Household in your thoughts. Thank you!

Monday, January 18, 2016

New Year, New ME?

Not really... I'm still me, and still recovering from my accident of Friday, November 13th. Ribs still hurt, and trying to get comfortable in bed is a bitch.

My son Jonathan is feeling/doing better, thanks to the Team at City of Hope Hospital. It's a long process, but I trust it will work.

Again, for the God-knows-how-many years in a row, I've purposely avoided making resolutions, simply because they usually wind up disappointing me, but I have decided that it's time for me to make an effort to mend fences and/or rebuild bridges. Dealing with the possibility of Jon's imminent death reminded me that even though I might not get along with a family member, they're still my family, and we all want(ed) Jonathan to get better.  We shared the same goal, so perhaps putting aside our differences would be a good thing. My Mom has been dead for three years now, and she was the glue that held us together.  Maybe it's time for us to try to get along and have a little face time. I'm sure it would make life a little better, especially if we approached it from  the outlook that we share a common goal. It's just an idea in my head that I've vocalized only a few times in the past 18 days. There are other people who aren't family, but it's all in the thinking phase.

In other news, I weighed in on Friday (1-15) at 204 pounds! It's been a long time since I weighed so little, but I'm hoping that losing weight is a trend that will continue. No real diet, no real effort on my part, just a switch to my eating schedule. I've reduced my snacks and absent-mindedly eating. I stop when I'm satisfied, and let Donna (the pit bull) eat what's left. Yes, I still eat junk food on occasion, but I rarely desire it.

My Psychiatrist/Therapist told me a few months ago that he was retiring at the end of January, which was a huge shock to me. I had no idea he was so close to 65. I honestly thought he was close to, or just barely 50, but it's not like I asked him. My final appointment was on the aforementioned date. I didn't spend long with him on Friday, but I did tell him that I'd miss him. I've opened up more with him than I did with anyone else, so it's a huge loss for me. I really dislike change, and seeing someone new causes me LOTS of discomfort and anxiety, but I've met my new (to me) Psychiatrist/Therapist before at an activity, so I'm hoping it will go smoothly. I guess as long as she follows my two guidelines (1. I only call in a real emergency, so please take it seriously and return the call immediately, and 2. Don't fuck with my medication) and doesn't judge my lifestyle choices, we'll get along just fine.

Shilo is still recovering from his broken ankle, so I still do all the driving. I've adjusted my sleep cycle (another reason for the weight loss?) and I will admit, I feel better emotionally than I have in any other previous January in recent memory.

Stitch? Well Stitch is Stitch, only his hearing and memory loss is getting worse. Shilo occasionally jokes about Stitch forgetting the way home, but it seems to be an inevitable thing for him. I worry, but what can I do? I try my best to make sure he's happy, and I remind him of my Love for him as often as possible. His only child will be a first-time parent in March, and there was a baby shower this past weekend, Stitch is soo excited, and we had a nice time. His ex-wife was there, and thanks to our kids being friends for 20(!!!) years, we get along just fine. Honestly, I understand why they got divorced, and because I know his side, and can completely relate to her side, there's no animosity at all. Besides, our kids set us up, and I think they knew what they were doing. It's been nearly 12 years now, and while there have been adjustments and changes, we're all happy.

So, that's my update. Happy New Year!