One Week

One week ago on early Friday afternoon, I had Shilo lock up in a chastity device, and I left on a weekend business trip for the Senior Church ladies. Shilo is still locked up, and, as I like to tease him, there's no end in sight.

Yes, I'm depriving myself of intercourse as well. It's a choice, because I know Stitch will happily accommodate me. Let's just say I'm not really in the mood right now for anyone but Shilo, and since I have him locked up, I'll just be doing without for a while longer. It will make the eventual ending all the more pleasurable.

Looking back, I honestly had no idea how Loving and passionate Shilo would be. It was the furthest thing from my thoughts, and I laugh at how naive we both were. He was convinced he was asexual, I was convinced he was asexual, and sex with him really wasn't on my radar with him. Our shared fetish for chastity was all the proof I needed that we would never cross that line. Falling in Love wasn't even on my radar, but the more time we spent with each other, the more I realized that I was in Love with him, and the more he realized he was in Love with me. The more Love I felt for him, the stronger my passion grew, and his grew as well.

Those early days were full of more sex than I could calculate, but I'm sure he's kept count somewhere. Somewhere around 3 weeks into our sexual relationship, I brought up the subject of locking him in chastity. I was a little surprised at his negative reaction, but common sense won out, and he acquiesced. It seems he needed reassurance that I wanted him(!) Yes, I found that surprising, because I thought I had made it abundantly clear to him.

I'm glad that nowadays we've worked it out that he knows I won't deprive him for long, but, other than my trip to Springfield, IL in May, I think it's been a long time since he's been locked up for more than a week. I mean, yes, we've gone more than a week without intercourse for various reasons, but locking him wasn't involved. I'm also pretty sure he could give dates, times etc; but I'll leave it up to his discretion as to whether or not he puts it here.

He's asleep right now. He's been asleep since we arrived home at 5:15 after running errands all day and paying bills. I had hoped we could film tonight and then I could unlock him (I'm really horny) but I guess it'll have to wait. Still wondering if I'll feel like this later/tomorrow. I'm not likely to unlock him unless I want sex and it's practical, simply because he'll have to shower after removing the device because of my metal allergy before we even consider sex. GRRRRR!!!

Looks like masturbation is in my future... LOL I'm just too tired to go through the hassle of trying for sex with Shilo. Goodnight!

Surprise!

I Love Shilo. I'm 'in Love' with Shilo. Anyone who knows us will tell you that.My Love for him is hard to explain, but I will also admit that there's a healthy dose of lust that cannot be explained. Perhaps it's because we share so many similar kinks with each other. Maybe it's the incredible sex we have with each other. No, it's not constant, but I'll admit that it's somewhere in the back of my mind... Quite often, in fact. Even (especially) when I have him locked in chastity. Depriving him, depriving myself. It's a beautiful thing.

So, it's day 6 in chastity for him, and about a week since we engaged in sex. He's also (pretty much) gotten away with not providing me my required Daily Orgasm (D.O.) mostly because of schedule conflicts. This is merely a statement of facts. Anyway, I cannot even begin to express how close we are. They say (who are these people anyway?) "Great minds think alike" and it is so with us. I finish his sentences, and I've been known to ask him about things before he has a chance to tell me about them. I mean, he's ready to tell me about some event, and I have no clue, but just as he's about to say it, I'll ask him about it. I amaze him with my ability to 'pick up' on his thoughts and/or emotions. I tease that we're thisclose to each other. However, I'm not a mind reader. If I really was a mind reader, I'd use it in a more constructive way. (Perhaps to make money?) And, although I have a great sense of smell, and he will insist, I'm not a bloodhound either. I just have a 'nose' for certain things, and I won't hesitate to acknowledge it.

Yes, it's also true I can occasionally pick up on the emotions of others. I feel it's more of a curse than a blessing. Feeling the distress of another person can be overwhelming. So, what is this really about? My closeness to Shilo and my ability to be wherever he is without him realizing I'm there. In other words, arriving before him, leaving before he arrives, and coming back as he's there wishing I was around. Our 'six degrees of separation' that has been proven more than once. You know... the crazy scary stuff people don't talk about.

My ability to surprise him. Grabbing a specific spanking implement before he can ask for it. All that stuff I do automatically without him asking, or telling. The 'accidental' stuff. The last thing I want to do is frighten him with my curse. My abilities, because he could run away screaming. Only, well... he won't. He could get lost in my eyes, my arms. He doesn't want to be anywhere that is too far away from me. I can rip him apart. It's not a choice anymore. He would deny it outwardly, but his eyes don't lie. I have a secret. One that Sunshine won't tell him. She can't, but I'll tell it here: I'm not proud of my abilities regarding him. Hell, I'm not proud of my abilities regarding Stitch, either. Don't misunderstand: I'm not ashamed of my abilities either. Knowing what I know, when I know it, understanding my abilities to 'pick up' on emotions. Feeling a Love and desire that is so very strong that neither of us can fight it. It scares me too. But I'm here. I'm not leaving. I promised, and I keep my promises. I need to get dinner started now if I'm going to use the crock pot.

Of Interest

http://wannabespankee.tumblr.com/post/33971933681/oneyear

I honestly cannot comment without giggling for oh-so-many reasons, most of which have nothing to do with me.

Beauty Is... (10-14-15)

Yes, Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Keeping that in mind, and using suggestions, I updated our Clips 4 Sale site today. Face it, a beaten behind is nice, but it's not what my relationship with Shilo is about.

People who know us understand that not only is our Mistress/slave relationship about control, but there is Love. The Love we have for each other shows through in everything we do, even when things are tough. A red bottom doesn't show that, so now we have a picture that portrays us. Both the Love and Control aspect. I think it makes Shilo appear a little more vulnerable, but also shows a softer side of our relationship. If you scroll up a little, you can see the new picture.


The clips were also reorganized, so the newest ones will always appear first. I invite you to take a look and provide constructive criticism, and, if you are so inclined, support us by making a small purchase. Thank you.


Please go to http://clips4sale.com/studio/85069 to view our store

Hide and Seek Bullshit (10-11-14)

When the going gets tough, the tough get a cigarette. Or, at least, in Shilo's case, it works that way. He's written numerous times in numerous places about my "bloodhound" nose, and my ability to sniff it out. He's tried many ways to hide it, but I still know. I've not only got super smelling, but I also have an allergy to scents, and many of them give me a horrible headache, Fortunately, while the odor of cigarettes bother me, they don't give headaches. Any scents used to cover odors do. Perfume, aftershave, cologne, scented cleaners, and most air fresheners will either make me gag or get a massive headache. I rarely complain, I just avoid the person/area and I'm fine. Headaches last a minimum of 30 minutes. Shilo knows this. He's witnessed it firsthand. He's not stupid.

Okay, last sentence of the first paragraph. Please remember it. Shilo does become a bit addle-brained when he's been smoking. Remember, he tries (foolishly) to hide it from me. Occasionally, I just wait for him to fuck up and I don't say a thing. I think to myself "Dammit! He's been smoking again!!! and my mouth says "Mmmm! I Love you!" because I DO Love him. I Love him in spite of all the things he does, just like he Loves me in spite of how I am. That's just how things go. I do have limits, and sometimes he pushes them, other times, he's just addle-brained. On with the story:

Shilo and I ran separate errands on Friday, and I got home before him. I was in the middle of an important conference call from a church leader in Chicago when Shilo came in. My assistant, M, was with me, and talking on the speakerphone. As soon as Shilo entered, I knew something wasn't right. My head started to "explode" with a headache. Shilo smelled like he had bathed in air freshener perfume, and I tried avoiding him, but he had to be where we were. Finally, when I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I told him that he wasn't hiding anything, I knew he had been smoking, and would he PLEASE get rid of that odor because my head was pounding. He showered and changed, and I was so happy (yes, happy!) to just smell cigarettes on him. I told him we'd talk about it in detail later. We haven't yet done so. Too many other things.

Stuff I want to say, some of which I took the time to express:

• You know you can't fool me.
• Why hide it when you know I can smell it?
• Why did you use the stuff that gives me a headache?
• You realize that by "covering" the odor, it's lying and a repeat offense.
• Do you enjoy this?
• Do you think I emjoy this?
• How do you plan on fixing this situation?
• Surely you can think of a better way to deal with your anger and frustration.
• And many more similar feelings and thoughts...

One day, Shilo will really realize that hiding stuff from me is a waste of time, and he'll learn to come to me and confess/tell the truth immediately. This is what transparency is all about. Being honest about things, expressing your feelings, and accepting the consequences. Please quit playing hide and seek with me.

Situational Update For Those Who Care (10-9-14)

First, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to visit our Clips4Sale site, even if all you did was look. To the people who referred their friends, I thank you. To the 5 people who made purchases, I want you to know how much I appreciate this. It's a start, and it gives me hope that things will improve. Everyone is taking extra shifts at work and nobody is complaining. Yes, things still look dismal at this end, but I have some good news! 

Shilo's birthday is next month, and his parents were concerned about our lack of an air conditioner, and as much as the heat is a bother, a portable air conditioner won't solve our problems, but a newer and better quality video camera would be helpful in making better quality videos for our Clips4Sale site. Without going into too much detail, it was explained to them that an air conditioner would be helpful, but a video camera would be useful because we could take "nature shots" for profit. It worked, so we will have our new camera soon, and better quality videos mean we can (hopefully) get more repeat customers. We currently have 16 clips up, with another 4 in the queue for future release. We've also decided to offer custom videos by request as long as they fit into our current dynamic.

Child #4 (age 25) has attended a few munches with us. He is Developmentally Delayed, and has seizures almost daily. The medications are not helping the situation. In late August, he had EEG equipment attached to him for 3 days, and the results were inconclusive mostly because he would forget to push the button after a seizure. As a result, he will be spending 5 days to a week in the hospital next month for testing. I feel very fortunate that both Stitch and Shilo treat him as if he was their child.

I will periodically provide updates as they happen. Thank you!

Unlike Me (10-6-14)

I'm hearing it so often these days. “Merry, that's so unlike you...” followed by whatever action or inaction that has taken place. It leaves me questioning... and thinking to myself “Am I not allowed to change?” Think about it. Do we not have Seasons? Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring? Caterpillars turn into a chrysalis, and break out of it as a butterfly. Humans go from infant to toddler, to child, pre-teen, teenager, young adult, then an adult, and, if they have good genetics, they become elderly. Yes, those are physical outward changes, but I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that who I was at 17 was not who I thought I'd be at 13. Situations have a way of changing people. Life experiences change us as well. This leaves me to where I am now.

I'm always unapologetically me. It doesn't mean I don't acknowledge my faults, but it does mean I won't apologize for expressing my feelings. It means that situations and experiences have a habit of changing how I feel about things. I've done many things that I thought I'd never do because of a fresh outlook on things, and by “fresh” I don't always mean good. Bad situations have had a much bigger impact on me, but, in the long run, it's always turned out much better than I first imagined. I'm the eternal optimist, a Pollyanna of sorts. So, right now, things are tough. I know that things will eventually turn around, but it's not time yet. In some ways, I feel like I've failed myself and others, but I don't have a crystal ball that will predict the future, and I'm not so sure I'd want to know all that anyway.

What this means is that my social life might be curtailed for a little while. I'll be attending fewer parties and munches, and I don't know how long this will last. Maybe things will improve by tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe next year. I can't put a timeline on things that I can't control. This also means I'm doing something I thought I'd never do. Being unapologetically me means that I'm not ashamed, but I am a little surprised. Over the past 14 months, Shilo and I have occasionally made movies of our sessions for our own private pleasure and viewing, but because of one of the out of control situations, it was mutually decided that we would share our movies with others on clips4sale. We will also be filming most of our home sessions, and adding them as well.

I will also ask that my friends here understand that this was not an easy decision, and I don't take things lightly. My options were to ask people to give/loan me money out of the kindness of their heart, and feel uncomfortable because I owe everyone money, or to be filmed doing something I enjoy (disciplining Shilo) and asking my friends to help me out by purchasing our movies, and/or suggesting to others that they check out our store, and make a purchase. I see this as a win-win situation. Nobody winds up empty-handed. My son's medical bills get paid, my mortgage gets paid, and the purchasers get a peek inside my kink life.

Please go to http://clips4sale.com/studio/85069 to view our store. Thank you!

Sex, Discipline, and Heat

It has been a warm fall. No, let's try it again. It's been a fucking hot fall. As in, it's been about 90 outside. As for the inside? It was a high of 94 inside, with the fans running. It makes me wish I had asked about air conditioning. Still, I love this house, and the lack of A/C doesn't make me love it any less. Honestly, I wouldn't mind the hot weather, except for the fact that it interferes with my sex life and makes discipline damned near impossible.

Face it, nobody wants to be next to someone else when they're hot and sweaty. I don't like being sweaty sticky next to someone else. Honestly, all I want to do is spend the day in a cool shower. This is doubly difficult on Shilo because he works grave shift, and sleeps during the day. I almost miss the days before we got married, when I'd stay with him in his air conditioned bedroom. Sex and discipline was fun. Now, in this heat, it's a burden.

I just want a cool place to sit so I can stop sweating. My energy level is down to zero. Yes, I realize that winter will come eventually, and I'll be missing warm weather, but this weather now? Hardly!

Let's hope for things to cool down to the 70's so I can get sex, and start disciplining Shilo again on a regular basis.

Sexual Objectification

Sexual objectification is the viewing of people solely as de-personalised objects of desire instead of as individuals with complex personalities and desires/plans of their own. This is done by speaking/thinking of them especially as only their bodies, either the whole body, or as fetishised body parts. 

 

Sexual attraction is not the same as sexual objectification: objectification only occurs when the individuality of the desired person is not acknowledged.

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My mouth, my breasts, my pussy, my ass... All for your sexual pleasure only. All I say is “yes” or “as you wish” as you use me as you see fit. I'm not held down or shackled, because my desire is to see yours fulfilled.

I don't complain as you pull at my nipples or lightly tease my clit. All I do is stand there, or lie there as you please. Knowing my secret desires are being fulfilled. Knowing you are the One that holds my heart in your hands, and that you won't violate my trust in you. Oh, Yes, you will violate my body, but you will not injure me, for I am your precious, much-beloved sex toy. You will use me, but not abuse me. I will suck your cock on demand, and you will use my fuck holes as much and as often as you wish. You whisper nasty things in my ear, and I listen, with trepidation and desire. I am yours, and you do as you wish.
Even as you blindfold me, and roughly handle me, I do not fear for my safety, because you will keep your promise, and no injury will come upon me. I hunger for your touch, and I thirst for your kisses. My clit throbs with desire as you gently stroke my body, avoiding my most sensitive spots. I have become a tigress in heat, and I will not be denied. But, for now, I know I must wait.
I softly whisper your name, and say “Please?” as you continue on your journey, and ignore my whispers of desire. The time will be up soon enough, and I will go back to my everyday life. But, for now, I revel in your touch, and know that moments like this are brief.

My blindfold is off, and folded in front of me is a skimpy bra that will show off my assets a short dress and fuck-me heels. Wordlessly, I dress. Knowing what comes next. I attach the long thin leash to my triangle piercing, and I wait for you.

The blindfold goes back on, and you guide me into the car. My lips are dry, and I ask, “Water please?” You put a bottle in my hands, and I drink greedily from the bottle, not knowing when I will have the opportunity to drink water again. Eventually, you park the car, lead me out, and remove the blindfold.

I have an idea where I am, but, still, my heart skips a beat, I am open and vulnerable, and the leash lightly pulls at my clit as you adjust it. You made the leash with a 20 foot length of string, and I realize it's mostly unnoticeable in the dusk. My pussy gets wet, because this is my final test before you give me what you've been preparing me for all day long.

Before I can even get my head wrapped around what is happening, you run, leash in hand. I feel the tug, and quickly follow. Once you're sure of that, you slow down to a stroll, and get on the busy sidewalk. The crowd is more than I could normally handle, and I notice a group of young men ogling me, but I keep walking. One of them rudely grabs at my left breast, and I struggle to get out of his way, but my pussy is dripping with pleasure. I hate myself for the reaction, but it's not anything I can control. I finally grab his balls, and twist them, and he lets go of me as the pain surges through him. His friends laugh at him, and help him up off the ground. It looks like I escaped that, but the adrenaline is pumping. I run a little so I'm only a few feet behind you. You're talking on your cellphone like nothing is going on. And yet I know it's almost over.

An older couple head my way. The man is practically drooling, and his wife looks at me in disgust. This makes me smile, and almost laugh, knowing that she will be getting the fuck of her life tonight as he fantasizes about fucking me. See, I know how a man's mind works, and I realize that part of my objectification is to incite other men to get horny. I know my juices are leaking, and whether or not they realize it, the men can smell it, and it makes them horny. It just makes me even more full of desire knowing my effect on them. This happens a few more times as we cross the busy street, and go around the block to the parking lot. When you open the car door, you hold me tight, and repeatedly kiss me, telling me what a wonderful slut I am. You take me to a 5 star hotel and as soon as the bellboy is gone, you fuck me like I'm the last woman on earth. We nap, and when I wake up, I shower and grab a paddle from the toybag. I wake you, whispering, “This will hurt you more than it will hurt me”, and I start your spanking.

A Rule I Always Follow (10-1-14)

Never go to bed angry.
So I'm staying up all night