I know the past few months have been so difficult for you, and if it was in my power, I'd remove the pain that both you and Shilo have gone through. I cannot begin to imagine what you've been through, because, while I've been through significant losses myself, I don't live in your mind, and since we all experience pain differently, I cannot say that I know how YOU feel, but I will say I've had similar circumstances in my life.
One thing is evident, and that is the Love you have for Mom. I saw it in your eyes when we all met the very first time, I heard it in your voice when you spoke to her, and your emails showed me all the more how strong your Love is. I speak in the present term, because Love never dies. Love continues on, even after we are no longer on Earth.
I feel blessed to have met both of you, and I recall telling Shilo how fortunate he was to have both his parents. How, even though he might go months without seeing you that he spoke to you as often as possible, sharing his life with the both of you. Very early in our marriage, when we came for Shilo's birthday, Mom took me out back in the garden and talked to me about many things, but what stuck with me were the words, "Merry, take very good care of Shilo. He's the only son we have left," I promised her I would, and I have. Shilo stopped smoking, and together, we're dealing with his health issues. Ask anyone who knows us, and they will tell you of the Love and concern we have for each other.
Well, those words Mom told me has stuck with me over the difficult year that Shilo has had health-wise, but it all came rushing to me when you called Shilo last week to tell him of Mom's death. As we held each other and cried, Mom's words suddenly had a new meaning. She was also reminding me that she was the only Mother Shilo has, and you're the only Father Shilo has. Yes, I know what it's like to lose your parents, and I understand his pain, although I don't know how he feels, because I'm not him. All I know is that I promised to be by his side, no matter what, and by going with him, I did what I promised, and, more importantly, I know it was what Mom would have expected of me.
I hope I wasn't an inconvenience to you. I did my very best to stay out of the way. I Love Shilo so very much, and I will keep my promises to him, and also to Mom. I know Shilo is different in many ways, and that's why I Love him so very much. He doesn't follow someone else's path, he makes his own. He's not like other men. He has a tenderness and gentleness that I've never seen before. He has strong opinions, much like you do, although they might sometimes be the opposite of yours, he gets that attribute from you. I see you in him, and I wonder if you do too. He Loves you so very much, but he doesn't know how to show it, and the words are so easy to say.
Shilo doesn't know about this email, He's asleep, but I promise you, I will take good care of him as much as I'm able to, because he's the only son you have, and I'm asking you to take good care of yourself, because you're the only Father he has. Both of you are suffering so much right now, but please don't fall in so deep that you forget each other.