Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Can You Hear Me?

A Tale Of Discouragement

47 days. Forty-seven FUCKING days. I have monitored my eating habits, followed a (relatively) strict diet, increased my fluid intake, and monitored my blood sugar and kept it down to an acceptable level with few exceptions. I don't expect overnight results, but I've begun to feel healthier and my blood sugar results are proof that it's paying off. I chart my dietary intakes, I care about what goes in my body.

I'm proud of my progress. My Household and those close to me know what sacrifices I've made for this. I'm NOT a "special snowflake" and numbers don't lie. All this work is paying off, and I'm doing it in spite of the stressors caused by Shilo's prostate cancer and dealing with the delays caused by it. I am a warrior, and I haven't stopped or given up. I've even been a good example for Shilo, who is now taking better care of his diabetes, and I believe it's never too late to make life and lifestyle changes. There is no "too old" or "too late" until we're dead.

So, what's wrong? Why am I discouraged? Well, I went to the doctor today, for my every three months check, and I made a copy of my charting to show him my blood levels and discuss my changes, and ask him what he thought of the improvements. He barely even glanced at them, and told me that I was wasting my time, and I didn't need to keep track of things. Instead of acknowledging the improvements, and giving feedback on my questions, he ignored them and focused on other things. I mean, my blood pressure has improved, my pants (when I wear them) are too big. It wasn't that long ago that I was 225, and now I hover between 190 and 195. He didn't even answer my questions! When he was finished, I went down to my car and cried. I just can't handle this.

I deserve better. I deserve to be heard. I pay him to assist me in improving my health, and I'm being ignored, and I'm tired of it. If this was any other relationship, I would have ended it already, and that is where I am now. Unfortunately, unlike a relationship, where I can do without the hassle, I need a doctor. Contacting my insurance is one of many steps I have to take, so this is more like a divorce.

And now that I've written this, I still feel discouraged, but I also feel better, because I know what I have to do. Find a new doctor. Wish me the best!