Monday, September 24, 2018

Wanting To Share My Story

But oh-so-unwilling to cause my loving Husband Shilo any pain while he processes his feelings of jealousy and insecurity. Both needs are equally important to me right now. Any suggestions?

In the meantime, I leave you with this thought:

We write to taste life twice

― Ana├»s Nin (1903-1977)

Saturday, September 22, 2018

What's REALLY been going on

I will start by saying that while Shilo is completely aware of what has been going on; or, at least as much as he wants to know, 2018 has definitely been a year of change for me, and it has taken me in a very unexpected direction. It's not necessarily bad, but it has, on occasion caused an upheaval within my Household, particularly when it comes to my husband Shilo. He has requested that I not discuss details with him, and so, Shilo, if you happen to be reading this, I ask that you stop now unless you have changed your mind regarding knowing details. Thank you my Husband, I Love you with all my heart.

Okay, for those of you left, it's no secret that my online presence has been sporadic for the past 6 months. Yes, I read you, but my replies, if any, rarely occur on the publishing date. Long story short, I've been away at least one weekend a month, and even when I'm home, I'm preoccupied.

So, What Is It Merry?



That would require us to go back quite a bit. If you go back to July 2017 through January 2018, you'll have a pretty clear view of how a really good polyamorous relationship can turn to shit in the blink of an eye. I was forced to learn to Love myself more, and when my ego took such a hard blow, and I was falling apart emotionally, I felt unlovable, and it was a struggle to get my head together. I simply wanted to hide and never attend another event ever again.  If it wasn't for my female friend helping me that fateful night in January ( my life would no doubt be a disaster right now. Instead, thanks to her insight, I am in a very happy relationship with her husband! I didn't stutter, Yes, on that night, she suggested that I "try out" a toy with her husband! Her husband didn't interest me at all, but the toy (a Sybian) did. They didn't have it that night, and they were both sick in February and March, so when April arrived, I went to the Munch they host, and talked to them about bringing it to the next dungeon party.

She suggested that I negotiate the scene with her husband before the party by email, so I spent 2 weeks emailing back and forth with her husband. At this point, I should mention that they are a Dominant/Dominant couple, and my interest was simply trying something I've always wanted to do. I should also mention that, yes, I am a Sadist, but I do have a masochistic side to me, and sometimes, it presents itself in the most unusual way.

Finally, the night arrived, and Shilo went with me so he could drive. It was the last time he set foot in a dungeon. He had told me the week before that he was no longer interested in a FLR-DD relationship, and he had no interest in funishment either. I wasn't concerned about it, because I figured I'd have the forced orgasm scene with my friend's husband, go home, and just forget about BDSM for a while. After all, I was still having issues from my accident, and we hadn't done much since my recovery anyway. No real loss, I thought.  (There I go thinking again!) The scene went okay, but I was a bit too intimidated by the noise and people, so I couldn't completely "let go" but I had quite a few quiet orgasms. I was definitely worked up, and I went over to hug him in thanks, and he whacked my ass with his big bear paw hands. It was enough to flip a switch in my brain. Let's say that I was hooked, but I didn't know it yet. I was giggling and having fun. Then I saw his face. He was smiling! Laughing, even! In all my time knowing him, he was serious and standoffish.  I guess a switch flipped for him as well.

I didn't even realize that we had chemistry at that moment, but it was developing, and within the course of a month, he won my heart. My friend, his wife, was happy until she saw the change. What change? Well, let's just say that while I'm no less a Dominant/Mistress in my household, I became increasingly submissive (dare I say, slavish?) towards her husband. In fact, I am his slave. What can I say? It crept up on me, and as my Love for him has increased, I've become even more devoted to him in that way. While Stitch (my long-term Partner) is thrilled, Shilo has done his best to be happy for me, but it's been a struggle for him to watch. Knowing that not only have I become a slave to this man, but I'm in Love with him, and because he doesn't want the details, his imagination is carrying him into some heavy-duty scenarios. I could reassure Shilo that there's been no intercourse (yet) and that there's very little (if any) spanking me involved, but I doubt that will completely reassure him. Besides, he refuses to listen to any details. All he knows is that we are really into each other, and I spend at least one weekend a month with him (and his wife, although there's nothing going on between her and myself. ::shudders::) plus I see him every Friday night for a few hours.

So... Here I am, a full time Dominant, Mistress and slave. It's not nearly as contradictory as it sounds, and I have found a balance and Peace of mind beyond what I ever imagined.

So, now that you are all armed with that information, feel free to ask any questions.