I can be very optimistic. I'm also someone who is afraid of rejection and being hurt. When I Love, I Love with all my heart and soul. Loving and being Loved in return awakens me, makes me happy and giddy, and I could just dance.Actually, I'm okay with unreciprocated love, as long as I know it and understand it from the beginning. I learned a long time ago that I'm not for everyone, and that I'm capable of having all types of love for all types of people. Loving is so much easier than hate for me.
I tend to go against the grain. Reading the story and seeing the movie "Pollyanna" gave me someone I could relate to. I was sure that sometimes she was sad, but she always looked for the good in people and things. I still do that.
I'm always thankful and aware of my blessings, even when my Major Depression hits. It's a chemical thing, not an emotional thing, so most times, I can separate the two. I don't necessarily feel better, but I also know that it's usually a temporary thing, and my medication and therapy helps.
So, I come here today with a heart full of Love and Happiness. My cup of Joy is overfilled and spilling everywhere, and hopefully, it's touching everyone around me.
So, how did this happen? I'd say it was the "Pollyanna" in me, because I still believe in miracles, and that good things can come out of what looks like a bad situation.
Sometimes, people who look and act like the "bad guy" aren't bad at all, and, in truth, they are being led astray by the person who is actually the "bad guy." This is how it started. I was convinced that the bad guy was good, and the good guy was bad. We were both led astray by the bad guy, and I realize now that maybe the bad guy actually felt he was doing the right thing. At this point, it no longer matters because I have enough love and Forgiveness in my heart to forgive this person, and I have. I just haven't forgotten. The flame of love I had was extinguished.
Realizing that we were both misled opened the door for us to become friends. Besides, I was the one who developed negative feelings, so it was my responsibility to acknowledge that I was wrong in feeling that this person was an enemy. We talked, by phone, by text, on Fet, and face to face. The more we talked, the more I saw our similarities, and appreciated our differences.
I couldn't help it, I couldn't resist it anymore. My Love and affection for my former imagined enemy grew. It was completed some time later, when we discussed changes in her life. I am used to feeling happy for people I care about, but the utter Joy I felt when discussing it was something I had never experienced before. It was different. It was overwhelming, and spilled over into other things. I was dancing in my stillness.
It's the unexpected and unplanned events in my life that has brought me here. I'm not afraid. I have no doubts as to how I feel and where I am. It just grows and expands and spreads to everyone around me. It's more than I felt towards the person that I forgave in this mess. Love cannot be measured, cannot be quantified, but I do know the difference between love and Love, and this is Love, and what I felt before was love.
As for any naysayers, I can only stand firm in my beliefs. I am "Pollyanna," I am the eternal optimist, and I am full of Love, and my Joy is overflowing. I choose to happy and positive in thought and mind.