Monday, August 26, 2013


I came to find out that Stitch had a pretty bad accident, and his face is scraped/banged up. It's not pretty. Also, thanks to a certain person being a bitch (she shall remain nameless) Shilo only stayed long enough to be sure that all my stuff was dropped off. He had to nap at his office before his shift tonight.

I'll take his dog, Cookie, home to him in the morning. Maybe, if the stress and pressure is off, and Shilo is feeling better, I'll want (and get) WMS.


So here I am sitting at the Albuquerque airport. Shilo is trying to sleep and, because I slept most of the way from Baltimore to here, I am wide awake. Nevermind that I was up most of the night before thanks to Stitch. He managed to get lost on his bicycle in Long Beach yesterday, and didn't bother to call anyone for assistance. He decided to do it on his own, and only succeeded in getting even more lost, because he is directionally challenged and didn't bother to go ask someone for directions.  To make matters worse he didn't bother to even call me when he got home because he didn't want to wake me and naturally I was sitting awake waiting for a fucking phone call. Sometimes, I just want to shake him.

Honestly, he has no clue how angry I get at him when he pulls stuff like this and he does this all the fucking time. It's frustrating and it worries me like you would not believe. It's probably the reason why I still have him with me. I'm scared that one day he's going to get himself killed if he is not monitored constantly, and I would feel responsible. don't get me wrong, I love him very very much, and I could not imagine my life without him in it. It's just that I get so worried and scared because he doesn't pay any attention to anything. It looks like my plane is here so I must go but I hope that things are better when I get home.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

WOW Landing!

I'm sitting at the San Antonio Airport with ShIlo by my side. We left LAX at the ungodly hour of about 6AM.  I'm pretty sure ShIlo would disagree with the time, but it's just an approximation. All I know is that while he slept in my bed last night, I was vacuuming and cleaning the house. I chose to sleep at the airport while we waited for the plane. It was a good idea, because I was tired, and feeling more than a little exhausted.

The takeoff was uneventful and I slept through it. Let me say now: Because of ShIlo, I no longer need to be medicated to fly, and I stay relaxed throughout the flight. It's nice to not have to be medicated to fly. My head is clear, and no Ativan in my system means that I can be clear-headed as soon as we land. When I woke up, I colored in the new coloring book with the new crayons he bought for my Little, Sunshine. Actually, SHE did the coloring, with me picking out the colors for her. Yes, Sunshine is a part of me, but she is a distinct personality from me, and if you met Her, you would understand. She stayed quiet and allowed ShIlo to do his work he had brought. When it was time to land, the landing was so smooth, I had to look to be sure we were actually on the ground. Now we are waiting for yet another flight, this one to Baltimore, but it is DELAYED. All I can hope is that it doesn't get cancelled. That's all for now.

Friday, August 23, 2013


Well, not yet, but in about 20 hours. This time to Maryland. I'm looking forward to it. I wasn't always like this. Travel on a plane used to require practicing relaxation exercises and a good-sized dose of Ativan. No more! Nowadays, I have Shilo with me, and he helps me to stay relaxed enough to handle any flight.  He knows how to help me find my "Happy place" and I stay calm till we are in the air. Then, as we're landing, he does it again, and again, I manage to do fine till we are getting off the plane.

My fear of flying has nothing to do with my acrophobia.  No, once I'm in the air on a plane I'm fine. It's the takeoffs and landings. The rumbling, shaking and noise frightens me. I'm just kind of strange that way. Put me on the top of an 8 foot ladder and I'm petrified. Put me in an airplane at 5000 feet and I'm a happy camper. Put me anyplace with Shilo by my side, and I can conquer the world.

This is just another reason why I Love him.

Thursday, August 22, 2013


Part of what I do as Shilo's Mistress is give him assignments to complete. There are occasional ones, things I give him to do on an as-needed basis, and then daily ones, such as calling me at 7:30 AM on weekdays when we aren't together. Another thing I have him do (that I've mentioned  before) is to make a daily journal entry. I read it at my leisure and occasionally comment on something he's written, and I do my best to be supportive and/or give positive feedback.  Sure, sometimes he shares things and I feel uncomfortable about it, but I also figure that it helps him to "process" things.  

There IS one thing, however.... His perspective on something that goes on between us and mine are usually different. Sometimes, they are so different that I wonder if he was in the same room as me.  It makes things fun because I have the chance to see things from his point of view. It also gives me the chance to find out what my Little, Sunshine, has been up to. She sees and hears most of what I say and do, but I rarely get the opportunity to see and hear her.

So... this was a busier, much busier week than I originally planned, but I'm pretty sure that Shilo has enjoyed all the extra time and attention I've given him this week. Mister_Stitch commented today that it seems like Shilo and I are "working out the bugs" in our relationship. I think he's right, and I'm glad that we (ALL of us) get along so well, and that we're all so supportive of each other.

On THAT note, I gotta go!

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Just Know

The events of the past 24 hours were important and necessary. I need to go back to bed, but not before I leave this reminder:

Pain, mine as well as yours is necessary. It causes growth, centers a person, makes them whole. It's a reassurance that we are alive, and not stones.

I Love you Shilo!

Oh, and your Homework is to read my FL Journal. My suggestion is to start with the one titled "The Myth of a Heartless Mistress/Female Dominant"  you will find it on page 6.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

A New Start

I've had a "vanilla" account on blogger for quite some time now, but I realized it would not be in my best interests to add my BDSM activities there, so I made up this one. It will allow my slave, Shilo, to learn things that he needs to know about me, and will open up another door of communication in a safe place and way.

So, why do this in the first place? In Shilo's case, he is often reticent to let me know exactly how he feels, but he knows that I expect honesty in his journal, and it allows him to bring up thoughts, feelings and questions in a safe place. I Love him in a way that he doesn't always understand. I am polyamorous, he is monogamous.

Shilo is a masochist that derives his pleasure from impact play, primarily spanking. He is what others might call a "pain slut" because he can take what appears to be severe beatings, and he smiles through most of it.  Watching me play with him would cause the average person on the street to turn away in shock and horror, but know that what I do, what we do is completely consensual, and I would never purposely cause him permanent bodily harm.  
I am a sadomasochistic Dominant that enjoys giving as well as receiving pain. I didn't start out like this, however. When I started at the tender age of  19, just a few months short of my 20th birthday, I was submissive, and it was primarily sexual. It wasn't until about 1994 that I met up with a Dominant 20+ years my senior, who told me that my true calling was as a Dominant woman, and I learned quickly under his careful monitoring.  I was reminded again of my calling over the years, but what really drove it home for me was meeting my Mentor in December 2011. 

My Partner, Stitch, is very dear to me, and has been with me since late July 2004. We share a very special bond, a history, but Stitch is vanilla. Well, not exactly... I told him of my interests very early in our relationship, and his desire has always been to watch me. He is a voyeur through and through, but he is not Dominant or submissive. He attends dungeon parties with me and will assist me in setting up/cleaning up and checks on me during a scene to make sure I have water. He will also sometimes assist in aftercare, getting things I might need to be sure that whoever I'm playing with is comfortable. our Love for each other is constant, and he is patient and kind to me.

I also have a Mentor that I will call Daddy W on this page. He is the person I go to when I need guidance or advice, or, even, the occasional "grounding" lecture to put my head on straight. I value him and his opinion on things.

I will not be writing daily (or so I say now) but I will update at least weekly, and I might use this as a way to explain things to Shilo, or even share the "rest of the story" with his readers. If you are looking for adult content that titillates, I'll save you time and tell you that you'll most likely be disappointed.

And so it begins...