Thursday, June 30, 2016

It Starts Out Innocent Enough

But be patient with me. I went to a munch last night (Wednesday) with Shilo, and I put us/him at a table full of women because I really like (love?) one in particular, and I rarely see her, and I wanted to get to know another one who had an interesting purse. We talked about all sorts of things that women talk about, and I also did lots of listening as well. But what I didn't do was tell any of them what has me particularly happy.

In the past nine months, I've learned so much. Not to take things for granted is a big one. I've also learned how fragile life and Love is, and I've experienced firsthand how a disaster can bring people together and rekindle good will and heal relationships. I learned what a great support system I have, and how much I miss my kinky friends and attending parties, but I also learned that it can be difficult to reconnect after being away so long.

I spend lots of time being cautiously optimistic. I've spent many nights wide awake and crying alone while Shilo was at work. I've held back on horrible news, shared bad news and good news, and spent more hours at various hospitals and City of Hope than I could have ever imagined. Besides dealing with Jonathan's cancer, my Mentor (Daddy W) went through a triple bypass, many misdiagnosed health issues (some of which nearly killed him) and he had his other leg amputated. Yet, here I am, still hanging on.

We all like good news, don't we? Well, I took Daddy W to the Pasadena munch last week. It was his first kink outing in a while, and he is still adjusting to the changes, but he's got such a great attitude that it just rubs off on everyone else. It still unnerves me that I nearly lost him.

Then there's Jonathan. My son. It's hard to explain my Love for him Maybe it's because the labor and delivery was easy (and quick!) and that he was a happy baby that never cried unless he was hungry or needed a diaper change. Don't get me wrong, he's become a stubborn and opinionated young man (wonder where he got that from?) and we occasionally butt heads, but his attitude concerning the cancer has been upbeat even on those times he was knocking on death's door.

Even now, he's battling graft vs, host disease and norovirus. He's been on steroids, he's still losing weight, and sometimes the pain is unbearable but he still smiles and jokes around. He's been seeing the Oncologist twice a week since he was released from the hospital in early April after his transplant and on Tuesday he was informed that he would only need to come in once a week. His blood levels that were too low are rising on their own, and his liver, kidneys, and thyroid are all testing normal. Jonathan is also being weaned off his anti-rejection drugs. That bothers me a little bit because his graft vs. host could get worse, but still, I'm remaining cautiously optimistic. Oh, and while all that is going on, I guess I should probably mention the results of his last bone marrow biopsy. The test came back Negative. He is now officially cancer-free!


That's right, folks! NO CANCER!!!
Now pardon me while I celebrate a little more.

Sunday, June 12, 2016


It never ceases to amaze me how it's possible to Love someone with all your heart, and then have it turn into a point where you detest even seeing their name because they've been dishonest with you over and over again. Still, I will preserve your privacy. You may thank me when you see me. Oh, that's right, you won't!