Wednesday, December 11, 2013

An Apology

For ALL to see...

Dear Shilo,

I was wrong. Yes, I’m your Mistress, and you are my slave/husband/slub, but you need to know you mean so very much to me. Yes, I get hurt and moody, but it doesn’t change my feelings. I Love you with all my heart, and you are my Joy.

I know I’m not easy to live with, I’m bitchy and demanding, and I want things the way I want them. I rarely explain myself, and I expect you to accept all of it without questioning me. Naturally, you are curious, and you need answers, but sometimes, I just can’t explain it all.

I think I’ve told you before how easy it is for you to rip me apart, and the main reason why is because of my Love for you. It doesn’t make me “soft” on you, but it does make me vulnerable. I’ve said this to you at least 100 times, but it bears repeating: I am a woman first, your Mistress second. I’m also forgetful due to the seizures etc; and I often mean to do things, and then I promptly forget to do them.  In this way, especially, you have been a Godsend to me. You’ve “rescued” me many times over the past 6 months, and I could never thank you enough.

All I had to do was remember one simple thing, and I couldn’t even do that right, and it eats at me. I could easily blame your lying to me for pushing me so far over the edge that I forgot it, and that would be partially true, but I need to be accountable for my actions, or, in this case, inactions.

I may not have forgotten your birthday, but the lack of a card and/or present obviously really upset you, and I’m really sorry about that. I’m not exactly sure how or whether I can make it up to you, but it wasn’t intentional. It’s been YEARS since Stitch and I did anything for our birthdays or even Christmas. We just do little things when we can, or I fix him a special meal or we go out. No cards or gifts. So, while it really wasn’t intentional to hurt you, I get the feeling it hurt you more than I thought, and I apologize for your hurt feelings. There are other things on my mind, too, but this is all I can fix right now.


1 comment:

  1. Well, we never discussed this so I assumed..... heh.
    Even my ex sent me birthday cards, so, yes, I was hurt to get nothing from you.. I was not aware that giving cards or presents hasn't been your thing.
    Now, I understand.
    Your apology is unconditionally accepted.
    All of my love to you....