One Year Ago

It's hard to believe, but exactly one year ago, in the early morning hours, Shilo and I were sitting quietly on the couch talking. We had had a really good dinner, watched "Dexter" with Stitch, and it was obvious to the two of us that there was so much more stuff going on between us that wasn't being said. Both of us are just a little socially inept, and more than a little shy, although we had been playing for a month and seen each other in various stages of undress, I had no intentions of getting romantically or sexually involved with him. I had really shut myself off to that months before when we had started talking/emailing each other because he was a smoker.

However, things were different in those early morning hours. We couldn't deny that we were getting closer, and, as much as I fought and resisted it, I could feel myself weakening under his spell. He was sweet, kindhearted, and gentle. Anytime he held me or touched me, it was like I was a fragile flower and he was a butterfly barely missing me as he flew past. He was always tentative. Those eyes... the way he looked at me when I spoke. I swear, there could be a parade passing by with a large band and he wouldn't notice, because his focus was solely on me. Even a blind person could see the Love and adoration. Well, except me. I'll explain. I was going through a rough time, and I had been so focused on my own things that I missed out on the subtle nuances that took place as he began to fall in Love with me. Fortunately, someone had pointed it out to me the week before, and I began paying attention. When I saw that look in his eyes, it melted me. How could I not Love someone who so openly adored me the way he did? That Love turned into Desire. Not like "Oh I want you to fuck me" Desire, more like "I want to please you by giving myself to you" Desire.I felt it, but I fought it. Feeling more and more in Love with him, Desiring to give myself to him, wanting to let go, but being so afraid (yes, afraid) of rejection. Logic says if someone is in Love with you, they will not reject your Love, yet that is what I dreaded, that is what I was afraid of. The more I saw the Love, the more I felt it, and wanted to just let go, and allow him to have all of me.

I admit it, I was high on Love, I was drunk with Desire, and still so afraid and too shy to say or do anything. One a.m; two a.m; three a.m; the time flew, the time stood still. At one point, I could swear I heard our hearts beating. We both spoke at once, words tumbling out at the same time. The fears and desires the same. I believe God and the Angels were our audience, and they were no doubt laughing at our silliness and awkwardness. It was meant to be, and even as we sat there holding each other after our confession, the Desire grew, and we both knew that we needed to be responsible and follow the rules and do what was right, so Shilo went home, and I thought long and hard about how to discuss all this with Stitch and my still collared submissive.

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW----->

Shilo, Happy Anniversary! I Love you more and more each day, each minute, each hour.