Restless

I don't keep secrets. Well, not on purpose. I have a habit of forgetting things, remembering them, and then promptly forgetting them. Live with me long enough and you'll see it in action.

I'm also a horrible procrastinator, and I'm easily distracted. I'll have several "projects" going on at once, and I find myself wondering how it all happened.

The chronic insomnia is a frequent stumbling-block to accomplishing things because I will often fall asleep sitting up. Mostly, though, I'm just restless.

I wouldn't say uneasy or bored, but I frequently feel like I've neglected or forgotten something or someone.

Shilo has a calendar for me. It sends reminders, and I still forget. I frequently overbook or double book, and other days, I'm completely empty and wondering why I didn't book stuff that day.

I've been depriving myself of intercourse lately, waiting for Shilo to heal. I hate it. I also discovered that I hate using a condom for sex with him. It prevents him from hitting all the "good" spots inside me, and causes frustration. I don't want to deprive either of us, so I'm going to try to figure out a workable solution for the both of us.

Driving to Huntington Beach Sunday evening with Stitch caused me to get agitated because we (the other members of my Household) are feeling that a certain person in the Household isn't doing enough. I came home and started on a chore list. I haven't finished it yet, but I also haven't finished writing the changes in the Agreement that Shilo and I discussed. Both are important, but which one should be a priority?

I've been struggling with both for several hours, and neither one is where I want it.  I refuse to send either one to Shilo unfinished, so he won't get either.

The events of Sunday afternoon has me wanting to be (sexually) teased mercilessly by Shilo, but I already suspect that my inability to finish either document will probably severely curtail any sexual activity on Shilo's part because he (understandably) wants me to get something done. Yes, I'm the Dominant, but our marriage is set up where I "allow" him to have some authority, because if I didn't nothing would ever get accomplished. I want to be kept on task, and he does that for me.

I'm going to stare at the papers more, but I'm also going to message him and tell him now about my inability to get anything accomplished.  Really too sleepy to think straight.