It's Six O'Clock Somewhere...

Hello my people! Whether you are a first-time reader, an occasional reader, or someone who reads everything I write, you are "My" people. You share an interest in whatever I write about, or maybe you show up for the occasional (okay, rare) nudes of myself, Shilo, or one of my other "victims." Either way, happy to have you here!

I've had many changes over the years, including a complete stop of BDSM and Domestic Discipline of my Husband/Chosen One/slave Shilo due to his ongoing problems related to his health. Currently, his Advanced metastatic prostate cancer is under control thanks to his Chemotherapy (an injection every 3 months) and last year's Radiation, although they have some unpleasant side effects. Still better than being dead, and 2 years ago, he only had maybe 2 years to live without treatment, so I'm happy.

Related to all that, Shilo recently decided to talk to his doctor about his desire to engage in sexual activity, and related to that, although not mentioned to the doctor, is his interest in spanking and other related activity has returned. I NEVER, not once, complained about his lack of interest since his diagnosis, because it's not like he has had any control in the matter. This was his decision to do something about it, and I'm glad it was Shilo's decision, because it means a lot to me.

Last week, Shilo sent me an email titled "The Six O'Clock Alarm" and because it is personal, yet relevant, especially to couples who may have reached a point of disinterest, or maybe a dry spell, I wanted to share the email with you.  In the interest of presenting it in my blog, I've changed some You's to me, etc. Please enjoy!

The Six O'Clock Alarm

His phone alarm goes off at 6PM, every day.

Am I in the kitchen, at the computer, in bed, next to him, not home? If I am easy to find, he may ask me something like "You in?" or "You game?"

He will not wake me for this – appointment. If I am asleep, It's canceled. 

IF I am not home, it's canceled. IF I say 'No', with or without a reason, doesn't matter, it's canceled. He can cancel, too, for health issues.

IF we're both in and willing:

He will enter Stitch’s bedroom (on the rare occasion that Stitch might be occupying his bedroom at this particular time, we'll adjust this to our room). Shilo will prepare himself, in terms of state of undress suitable for the temperature, and position himself for a spanking.

Before I enter the bedroom, I will go into the Dining Room to use the dice. There is paper, and a pen nearby. I will roll ONE die, to indicate the number of spanking implements I get to pick. Then I will roll BOTH dice, to indicate how many swats of the each implement.... and write the numbers down. I will continue rolling, one roll for each implement, until my list is complete. (EXAMPLE: I roll a 4, so four implements, and then I roll 10, so ten swats with the first implement, then I roll 3, so three swats with the second, and so on...)

This MAY result in one implement, two swats. This MAY result in six implements, twelve swats each. That's just... the way the dice roll.

I will go into the bedroom, select my implement(s), and (this would be a great time for me to say anything that comes to mind, along the lines of “I'm glad I'm about to spank you, because you did this, or I'm upset about that”), and deliver the indicated number of swats to his anxiously-waiting bare bottom.

I will put down the implement, select my next, employ it, and so on until I have finished with the number of implements indicated, and then I will announce by saying, "Done!" so he knows I’m finished. If I’m feeling nice, I will ask him to pose for pictures for his diary. I might then say, cheerily, "All done!" or perhaps, grumpily, any other words that lets him know he can get up, get dressed, put away implements, etc. He might even offer a 'thank you' of an intimate nature, right after. I may accept or refuse, my choice.

Back to the cancellations mentioned above: If there are three cancellations in any one week period (Sunday to Saturday) we will have a conference to assess the reasons, and decide if the plan is working for us.

Positive to this plan: no guesswork as to the other's mood, no hemming and hawing. No asking or demanding. This is not punishment or discipline, which Shilo resents. For me, this could be therapeutic, I can think about the number of times I wanted to spank him, and he wouldn't cooperate.

Negative to this plan is no spontaneity. Spontaneity has not worked great for us, anyway. No adjustment to the number of swats decided by the dice. If I don't think the number is big enough, I can wait another day. Or lie. He has no way of verifying the numbers that came up on the dice. I might be pissed off by something he did and decide, without rolling any dice, that the numbers are 6x12.

So, my people, what do YOU think? Do you have any thoughts or input?

I will share that I had my doubts, but since that email, we have done this three separate times, and it has worked out well for us.

Whazzup???!!! (5-26-16)

Oh, so very much! Jonathan's Graft vs. Host disease has settled in his digestive system, primarily in his stomach and intestines. It's not fun, I can tell you that! Add to it that he somehow contracted norovirus, and it requires even more medication. The "upside" is the steroids (prednisone) he takes for the Graft vs. Host disease increased his appetite and he's gained back the weight he lost. He goes to COH twice a week, and I normally take him on Fridays, which is an all day trek. When I get home, all I want to do is eat and sleep. I've become notorious for yelling "Leave me alone!" once I get in bed on Fridays. Not even promises of treats will cause me to get out of bed.

Then there's Daniel. While he had no ill effects from donating, his seizures started up about 5 weeks ago after being seizure-free for nearly a year. We had been gradually decreasing his phenobarbital since September last year, and he had recently decreased to 1/2 of a 32.4 mg tablet at bedtime, so he went back up to a full tablet at bedtime. I picked him up on Tuesday night so he could see the Specialist yesterday, and then stay over with us until Monday night (5-30) Today, Shilo and I decided to drive from Long Beach to CiCi's Pizza in Corona because pizza is Daniel's favorite food. Never mind that Shilo is gluten intolerant! Shilo ate salad and the pizza toppings, and I ate the outside crust he left, plus salad. I'm a carboholic, but I think I can go until next month without bread. (Roll me home, boys!)

Child #5 told me on Mother's Day that he and his lovely wife are expecting their second child. I'm so very excited about this! 9 months ago, they were separated, and heading for a divorce, and now this! I'm really happy that they decided to get back together and make it work.

My oldest, who I invited to move in with us in September last year after a nasty breakup has only reinforced my feelings that I'm too soft-hearted when it comes to my offspring. If anyone deserves a paddling, it's him, simply because he refuses to follow basic rules, and getting him to move out is futile. Maybe if he'd make an attempt to catch up on the back rent he owes, I'd feel better about it.

Child #3 is is living happily on the East Coast with his girlfriend. I love hearing from him, and spent over an hour on the phone with him on Mother's Day.

Then there's Daddy Wayne (AKA: Daddy #2), who recently had his other leg amputated. I visited him about 2 weeks ago in the Rehab section of the hospital he's in, and I was shocked! He was mostly unresponsive, and when he finally responded just as I was leaving, he said all sorts of crazy things. I figured he had just been through too much, and waited two days and called him. He didn't answer. I waited an hour and called again. Both times I left a message, but I was getting worried. He always calls me back right away. Every few days I called, and on Monday I decided I had to do the thing I dreaded: I called his roommate (AKA: The Ex) and told her about my concerns. She was extremely kind, and explained that he had been over-medicated, and the dialysis wasn't filtering the medication from his blood, and as a result, he was poisoned! I have seen him in bad shape before, but this is the worst I've ever seen him. Fortunately, he was already recovering by the time I spoke to her, and he called me Wednesday while I was out, so I took Daniel with me, and we visited him. I even took a short video recording of him explaining what happened so I could share it with anyone who was interested at the Pasadena Munch.

Oh, you wanted to know about me? Well, I'm still standing, and I'm learning more about myself every day. I still have horrible insomnia, and I'm doing my best to stay positive about all this, and, honestly, I realize that that I should count my blessings, because I know how very fortunate I am to have what I do, and because I'm not gonna give up, I'm planning on heading back to the dungeon again soon.

WARNING!

My health is very important to me, and I will no longer neglect it just to keep others happy and comfortable.


That is all... (for now)

Hide and Seek Bullshit (10-11-14)

When the going gets tough, the tough get a cigarette. Or, at least, in Shilo's case, it works that way. He's written numerous times in numerous places about my "bloodhound" nose, and my ability to sniff it out. He's tried many ways to hide it, but I still know. I've not only got super smelling, but I also have an allergy to scents, and many of them give me a horrible headache, Fortunately, while the odor of cigarettes bother me, they don't give headaches. Any scents used to cover odors do. Perfume, aftershave, cologne, scented cleaners, and most air fresheners will either make me gag or get a massive headache. I rarely complain, I just avoid the person/area and I'm fine. Headaches last a minimum of 30 minutes. Shilo knows this. He's witnessed it firsthand. He's not stupid.

Okay, last sentence of the first paragraph. Please remember it. Shilo does become a bit addle-brained when he's been smoking. Remember, he tries (foolishly) to hide it from me. Occasionally, I just wait for him to fuck up and I don't say a thing. I think to myself "Dammit! He's been smoking again!!! and my mouth says "Mmmm! I Love you!" because I DO Love him. I Love him in spite of all the things he does, just like he Loves me in spite of how I am. That's just how things go. I do have limits, and sometimes he pushes them, other times, he's just addle-brained. On with the story:

Shilo and I ran separate errands on Friday, and I got home before him. I was in the middle of an important conference call from a church leader in Chicago when Shilo came in. My assistant, M, was with me, and talking on the speakerphone. As soon as Shilo entered, I knew something wasn't right. My head started to "explode" with a headache. Shilo smelled like he had bathed in air freshener perfume, and I tried avoiding him, but he had to be where we were. Finally, when I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I told him that he wasn't hiding anything, I knew he had been smoking, and would he PLEASE get rid of that odor because my head was pounding. He showered and changed, and I was so happy (yes, happy!) to just smell cigarettes on him. I told him we'd talk about it in detail later. We haven't yet done so. Too many other things.

Stuff I want to say, some of which I took the time to express:

• You know you can't fool me.
• Why hide it when you know I can smell it?
• Why did you use the stuff that gives me a headache?
• You realize that by "covering" the odor, it's lying and a repeat offense.
• Do you enjoy this?
• Do you think I emjoy this?
• How do you plan on fixing this situation?
• Surely you can think of a better way to deal with your anger and frustration.
• And many more similar feelings and thoughts...

One day, Shilo will really realize that hiding stuff from me is a waste of time, and he'll learn to come to me and confess/tell the truth immediately. This is what transparency is all about. Being honest about things, expressing your feelings, and accepting the consequences. Please quit playing hide and seek with me.

A Rule I Always Follow (10-1-14)

Never go to bed angry.
So I'm staying up all night

Restless

I don't keep secrets. Well, not on purpose. I have a habit of forgetting things, remembering them, and then promptly forgetting them. Live with me long enough and you'll see it in action.

I'm also a horrible procrastinator, and I'm easily distracted. I'll have several "projects" going on at once, and I find myself wondering how it all happened.

The chronic insomnia is a frequent stumbling-block to accomplishing things because I will often fall asleep sitting up. Mostly, though, I'm just restless.

I wouldn't say uneasy or bored, but I frequently feel like I've neglected or forgotten something or someone.

Shilo has a calendar for me. It sends reminders, and I still forget. I frequently overbook or double book, and other days, I'm completely empty and wondering why I didn't book stuff that day.

I've been depriving myself of intercourse lately, waiting for Shilo to heal. I hate it. I also discovered that I hate using a condom for sex with him. It prevents him from hitting all the "good" spots inside me, and causes frustration. I don't want to deprive either of us, so I'm going to try to figure out a workable solution for the both of us.

Driving to Huntington Beach Sunday evening with Stitch caused me to get agitated because we (the other members of my Household) are feeling that a certain person in the Household isn't doing enough. I came home and started on a chore list. I haven't finished it yet, but I also haven't finished writing the changes in the Agreement that Shilo and I discussed. Both are important, but which one should be a priority?

I've been struggling with both for several hours, and neither one is where I want it.  I refuse to send either one to Shilo unfinished, so he won't get either.

The events of Sunday afternoon has me wanting to be (sexually) teased mercilessly by Shilo, but I already suspect that my inability to finish either document will probably severely curtail any sexual activity on Shilo's part because he (understandably) wants me to get something done. Yes, I'm the Dominant, but our marriage is set up where I "allow" him to have some authority, because if I didn't nothing would ever get accomplished. I want to be kept on task, and he does that for me.

I'm going to stare at the papers more, but I'm also going to message him and tell him now about my inability to get anything accomplished.  Really too sleepy to think straight.

Today

This marks the first time we will go out a a Family with our newest member of the Household (Sherman). I acknowledge that even though he's submissive to me, he is a Dominant, and his "rules" are different. I'm pretty sure he has learned to consult with me before he gets "tangled" with someone, but I will have a talk with him about that later on.

Tonight is the South Bay Munch, and because Sherman has never really gone public, he will have lots to learn. This will also be the first munch in a year that Shilo will be able to attend due to his work schedule. I actually gave Sherman a 30 minute "tutorial" on behavior and other things he needs to know when attending a munch. I reminded him that he needs to find his place here before he even tries to get involved with another woman. I think he understands.

Also, Child #4 is still here, so I will be bringing him along as well. Here's hoping he behaves. Plenty of things to do today, so I'm off!

One Year Ago Part 2

So, I had confessed my Love to my slave Shilo. He had confessed his Love to me. We both wanted to engage in sex, but I had to obtain clearance, per my agreement with Stitch. I hadn't slept much, and I needed to drive him to work at the ungodly hour of 6, and I had gone to bed at 5. Admittedly, it wasn't my smartest move, but all I had wanted to do was be with Shilo, and, it seemed, Shilo wanted to be with me as well.

So I drove Stitch the 25 miles to work and said nothing. I drove the 25 miles back to Huntington Beach with a heavy heart because I knew I couldn’t not
say anything. It’s just that I didn’t know what to say. This was breaking all the rules I had for submissives/slaves, and even though I had fallen in Love with my collared submissive, I had never crossed into the realm of sex. Yes, I had obtained permission 15 months earlier, but it never actually happened. It isn’t that we didn’t want to, it was more that circumstances prevented us from doing so, and, at that point, our relationship was rapidly falling into ruins. I also knew that I'd be getting an 11AM call from the aforementioned submissive, and, because of our relationship rules, I'd have to discuss it with him as well.

When I got home from the drive, it was 8:30, and I could barely drag my body into bed. I woke up, on instinct, at 10:58, and I waited... and waited... my heartbeat getting ever faster with dread. I wanted Shilo, but I hated the idea of discussing it with others, of having to ask like I was a child, yet, this had been my doing, this asking, so I would stay out of trouble. Apparently, my collared submissive had overslept because the clock went past 11, past 11:15, and 11:30 and Stitch did his daily call at 11:30. I managed to get out that we needed to talk about an important matter on the way home from work, so at least he knew. I hung up the phone and waited. Finally, at noon, the phone rang, and it was the submissive. I explained the best I could, and he gave his blessings. He admitted surprise when I asked, because we were not even really attached at that point, but he understood when I explained. I laid down some more. I don't recall when I spoke to Shilo, but I told him to expect me in the morning. I knew that either way, something was going to happen, whether it was a long talk or sex, I just wasn't sure what. I know I took a nap before I left to get Stitch from work, and I remember being late because I slept too long.

As I finally drove up, Stitch was smiling, and all I could do was wonder how long that smile would last. I sighed, and unlocked the door, and he came in. Stitch is naturally bouncy and talkative, so getting him to quiet down is kind of hard. I finally reminded him that I needed to talk, and he quieted down as I explained what I was feeling, how Shilo felt, and our mutual desire for each other. I reassured him that I would never stop Loving him, and the could take time to think about it. He asked all kinds of questions, and I also reminded him that I could have just made the decision without him, and without his consent, but I felt that being honest was important. An hour after we arrived home, he told me he made his decision, and he told me he approved. 

The next day (a year from today) we began our journey. I think Shilo's version is the best, so you can find it at the link below:

 http://merryslavesdiary.blogspot.com/2013/07/july-2-c-15.html

Anyway, it was beautiful and sweet and gentle, and we've had more happy times than sad in the past year, and that's all that matters. 

I hope we have many more years of Loving each other.

House Rules

House Rules???!!! Yes... House Rules!

Let's go back a bit... After 9+ years of being with Stitch, I married my slave of only a few months, Shilo, in September. We "officially" moved into a house that I purchased on October 1st. One thing briefly discussed was "House Rules" because we all knew there would be adjustments, and face it: Shilo likes guidelines and order of some sort, and I can occasionally be a control freak. Ours is a match made in Heaven (or hell, depending on your perspective) So, it was discussed and tabled, other than the fact that we decided that a c/o (clothing optional) would make things easier. Mostly because I hate clothing (unless I'm cold) and Sunshine detests getting dressed. That decided, we all went our own ways. If course, we encountered a few (more than a few) instances where things would happen, and I'd have to figure out how to deal with them, or perhaps I'd get used to things being as certain way, and then someone would change things up, much to my disappointment. If I like something, or how it's done, I might say I like it the first go round, but I figure that is enough. Stitch needs constant positive reinforcement, and Shilo has a mind of his own. Neither attribute is bad, but it can often cause confusion. So, once again, House Rules have come up. Also, in light of some of the events of the weekend, General Rules, or at least a list, has come up.

I'm a lazy perfectionist, meaning that if I feel I can't accomplish a task, I won't try it. Fear of failure? Yeah, a little bit. But I can also be stubborn, and expect things to just be the way I want it. What's a girl to do? Make up written rules. A list of sorts... Fortunately, Shilo is obsessive with lists and note-taking, so I can have him handle most of those things. All I have to do is make them and write them down, or just tell him, and Shilo will organize them into whatever category they belong to. Some of them will just be repeats of my desires. I will occasionally have a blog entry titled "House Rules" with a list of whatever rules I think are needed.Shilo will be responsible for categorizing them and putting them into a blog .

RULES:

 All household members will wear underwear that covers their bottoms when going to bed. Sexual activity is the exception to this rule.

On mornings after work, Shilo will only come into my presence after he has showered, and present himself naked, and ask for permission to enter my bed.

Sunshine will be treated like an innocent child at all times. Nudity is allowed, but no sexual activity will be allowed. She is to let both Shilo and/or Stitch
 know when she is "out" and not try to trick them into thinking she is me. Any inappropriate behavior by Shilo or Stitch in her presence will result in disciplinary action.

My health (physical/mental) will not be shared with anyone outside the Polycule/Pack without my express permission. Emails to family members about my health will be discussed before hitting SEND

Sunshine is to be protected at all times. You will not tell others about her without her or my permission. It should be either my decision or hers if we want others to know about her/us. To do otherwise causes her great distress.

Shilo will always be naked (socks optional) for beatings, discipline and/or punishment.

Any public profile relationship status changes must be approved by me before putting them in place.

Whenever Shilo addresses me, he will maintain normal eye contact unless told otherwise.

NOTES:

Punishment and Discipline measures are not specifically discussed in rules, mostly because I often have the internal debate as to which I should use at any given time.