Friday, May 29, 2015


Being truthful, not lying, not holding anything back, even if it hurts.

Prior to Shilo, all my relationships were D/s (Dominant/submissive) not M/s (Mistress/slave) and I was much less restrictive in the rules department. I mean, yes, I expected the rules to be followed, but I wasn't so strict and regimented, and even though I gave honesty, and expected it in return, there were no consequences for the other party. With Shilo, all that changed. I tightened restrictions and had more expectations on behavior and honesty. I became tougher, and I didn't take shit. It's had a few difficulties, but mostly, it's paid off in the long run. I know where I stand on any given day, and both Shilo and Stitch have benefited from it. No excuses, no half-truths, no "you look beautiful in that dress" unless I really do. No more fashion faux pas for me! While some women might find that type of honesty to be painful, I welcome it.

So, here we are now, two years into a completely honest transparent relationship. Has he hurt my feelings? Of course he has, but the benefits are amazing, and I wouldn't ever go back to how I was before. I even decided to handle all my BDSM (and vanilla) relationships that way.

The Advantages

The advantages are obvious to me. I always know where I stand, and there is no confusion on anyone's part. I know if the other person likes something or hates something. Any hurt feelings are dealt with immediately, and grudges are unheard of. I don't have to worry needlessly over inconsequential things, and I know that if I wear that skirt, people are going to be thinking my ass is HUGE. Neither Stitch or Shilo have to worry about what's on my mind, because I tell them. Naturally, there are times when one of us needs to take a deep breath and think things through before we speak, but being able to say that without fear of anger or retribution makes it that much easier. Holding the other person in a loving and accepting way while s/he gathers thoughts is encouraged, and Love from all sides is there. Yes, there are still arguments and disagreements sometimes, but what might have lasted all day and into the next day will last an hour or less in most cases. Even Sunshine takes part in this, explaining the 'hard' stuff for me.

The Disadvantages

There are some disadvantages. Not everyone is ready for such an open way of life. I include my expectations of anyone pursuing a BDSM relationship with me, and it has led to uncomfortable silences, and even a few arguments. My truths are definitely not made for public consumption. It can be alienating when you eliminate social niceties and tell people what you actually feel about things. No amount of emotional maturity can prepare a person when I tell them my idea of how I process something as simple as a spanking. I understand and accept that someone night see it as sexual, but they cannot understand and accept that I process that spanking in a nonsexual way, and that I am unable to feel sexual towards  someone unless I feel genuine Love for them. Also, telling someone that I have rules about Love and sex that may or may not align with theirs puts them in a very uncomfortable position. My matter-of-fact way of dealing with things can be off-putting. Add to it that I really don't mind how they feel, and that I expect them to understand and accept my frequently opposite feelings and it scares most of them, because it's an alien concept. You Love me, and I like you? That's okay! I Love you, and you like me? That's okay too, Just be clear on it.  We can never predict how our emotions might be, and how it might change, so please be comfortable in the fluidity of of it all.

If I'm involved with you, you can count on the fact that I at least like you, and if what I do does nothing for you, be honest, and spare me the pain that might come in the future.

How do I feel, honestly? ask and I will tell.

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