Tension

It's not necessarily a bad thing. Think of sexual tension and the warm ache you get from it.Think of the tension of waiting for a good thing to happen. The tingle of anticipation, the longing ache you get from waiting, and the inevitable pleasure you get when the time is right. The precious release that is so desired. The past few days, when other things aren't in my thoughts, that's where I am. That place between pleasure and pressure, waiting for release. Wanting it now, but with the knowledge that anything worth having is worth waiting for. That delicious ecstasy that awaits me.

BUT:

I've grown up a bit, and I know there's a difference between fantasy and reality, and, yes, I've had more than my share of experiences where the reality far surpassed any fantasy in my head. Yes, I've been severely disappointed, but not that much. I also know that time and practice only makes for increasingly better experiences. I secretly hate my high hopes right now, mostly out of a fear of failure. Yeah, I hate that "F" word. Failure. A thing that is unsuccessful or disappointing. ::Deep breath:: The good thing is that that particular fear only lasts an instant. Pinning my hopes and dreams on an idea. Waiting on a pleasurable idea to come to fruition. Knowing that that particular feeling is shared with the other party makes it a little better.

Spike: I thought he was lost and long gone. Out of reach, out of sight but always on my mind. Spike, formerly known as _______, returning to me.  A thought I never entertained I could laugh at the reversal of fortune, but most people wouldn't get it. The events that brought this to me are just weird.

Counting, counting. counting... and Bedtime is upon me. Sleeping, dreaming, and hoping for the best!