Thursday, November 9, 2017

(Almost) 5 Months Post Polyamory Agreement and Other Events.

I know, I rarely post here, but I figured it was time for me to update on my boyfriend (Mike) and how our relationship is going post agreement.

Mike has had several starts and stops with female subs, including one I was excited about finally meeting. He used the "L" word (Love) with her, and she panicked and ended it. Apparently she wanted just sex, in spite of claiming that she was polyamorous. Not a good match!

For most of July (and part of August) before he went back to school (He's in his second year of Law School at a college in OC) his communication was sporadic, and I knew he had lots of things on his mind, so I didn't make an issue about it, choosing instead to initiate conversation and not complaining. That first Saturday after school started, we were texting back and forth, and he was telling me that weekend homework was bad enough, but doing laundry in the tiny apartment washers and taking his bedding to the cleaners because of the tiny washers was killing him. A light bulb went on in my head.  I said "Honey, that's just too much! How about if I help you? You can drop off your laundry here and pick it up at your convenience? I have a HUGE washer and dryer." He hesitated, but I added "Nobody will complain."  I just viewed it as an additional way to see him at least twice a week, and he would have to communicate with me on a regular basis. 

It's worked out really well. Sometimes it's a quick drop off and pickup, and other times he plans a nice date with me on the drop off day. On the Sunday before Halloween he took me to Magic Mountain with him! I've been eating delicious vegan food as well, because when he takes me out, it's always vegan. He said he doesn't mind me eating meat, but I enjoy the adventure of trying new things. I have only had one bad experience with vegan food, and it was when he made vegan pizza for me. Pizza isn't my favorite food to begin with, so after that, I just told him that pizza and I don't get along very well.

We were texting back and forth Tuesday (11-7) afternoon, and he mentioned how happy he was with our relationship. Then I dropped the bomb that I was thisclose to ending things with him before we made a formal agreement because I was feeling like I was just an option to him, and not a priority at all. He would  rarely contact me, and our dates (when we had them) were rushed and/or he was distracted. Now when we go out, he's always as focused on me as much as I'm focused on him. He holds my hand when we cross the street, and he smiles and laughs. It's just really good to be in that space with him.

In other news, the submissive I was "considering" considering wasn't communicating with me very often, in spite of my encouragement. It was frustrating, and it reached a boiling point when at noon the day before my Magic Mountain trip, he sent me a message asking me why I didn't tell him where we were going that evening. I told him we weren't going anywhere because he never bothered to contact me about buying tickets, so I made plans to sit at home and watch shows that were accumulating on my DVR. I gave him a few days to think that over, and then I made a last-minute dinner date with him, and then asked him to join us (Shilo and myself) in attending a dungeon party. During that date, I reminded him that maintaining our relationship was his responsibility because I'm not going to pursue him. I told him that yes, I was very interested in him, but I need to feel desired, and if I'm the one to always make contact, then something is lacking. It's gotten better since that talk last week and our dungeon date went well. I sent him a text yesterday afternoon asking him if he was free this weekend, and he was very enthusiastic.

Friday (11-10) is Shilo's Birthday (he'll be 61!) and we haven't made any definite plans because he's been sick this week. 

Finally, my honesty about who I am and what I do, and how I live seems to be paying off, even in "Lake Vanilla" AKA Vanilla dating sites (OKC) I've been ignoring my stuff there for a few months, but I got a very nice detailed message last week from a recent NY transplant. I quizzed him on my profile content and his opinion on it, and I suggested that he ask me anything he isn't sure about. We had a late lunch yesterday, and he's genuinely nice. Not holding my breath, but having someone who who only wants to go out with no expectations is a breath of fresh air.

If you're curious about my dating profile, you can find it below:

https://www.okcupid.com/profile/freenpoly













3 comments:

  1. Sounds like all good news for someone who DESERVES good news! I'm happy for you!

    (Give Shilo a good 'birthday spanking' when he's well enough.....and for shits and giggles you can give him a few good ones "from me"....LOL! )

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    1. Ignoring for the moment your surely-well-intentioned recommendation, any such activity seems far removed from current possibilities, as the calendar will indicate "Birthday" in about 5 hours, and I still have the associated symptoms of a cold, the worst being the inability to breathe freely.

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    2. That sucks. I hate being sick and have full sympathy for you. Well.....Happy Birthday! and feel better soon.

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