1. Shilo is stubborn, often to his detriment.
2. I am stubborn as well, especially if I am right, or telling the truth.
3. There are times when NO amount of reasoning works with Shilo.
4. On the rare occasion when this happens, I feel I have no choice but to put it in writing.
5. When I put something in writing, the "noise" stops, and he has to focus on the subject without any interruption.
When I wrote "Loathing In The House Of The Laughing Sun" (https://keepcalmanddowhatmerrytellsyou.blogspot.com/2020/12/loathing-in-house-of-laughing-sun.html) it was my way of getting his undivided attention. Unfortunately, it didn't work, and things became even more unbearable. In what I guess was a last-ditch effort to "rescue" Christmas, Sunshine took over. She adores Shilo, and Shilo has a special Love for Sunshine. This mutuality allows for Sunshine to ask questions that I never would, and express feelings that are muddled and deep within me. She asks the hard questions and shares our (hers and mine) fears in a way where whether or not he agrees, he is in a place of careful listening and consideration.
Unless she (Sunshine) chooses to share what they discuss, I am blissfully ignorant, and Shilo knows he can tell her whatever he wants without fear or concern of my knowledge. Sunshine also tells my "secrets" which means that he will often know things that I don't necessarily want him to know yet. It's a safe place for the both of them. Speaking of "safe places" Sunshine will come out and show up to "protect" me, mostly to prevent my feelings from being hurt, but also to protect me from any number of painful things. So, that was her reasoning for coming out on Sunday night and staying out until early Tuesday morning.
When I came out I was sad. Sadder than I've been in a long while, and it's lingering. I still have a "crying headache," and she posted about "Thinking so hard" that she had a headache on Facebook sometime Monday. Still not sure what It all means. The "good" news is that Sunshine convinced Shilo that I need a Happy Christmas, so Shilo promised her that he would call a truce until after then, and then go day by day (minute by minute?) after that.
I know that Shilo still probably feels how he did earlier, but I also know that this truce might last long enough that we can get through this and maybe even fix whatever pain we're dealing with. I know there is Love, and that hasn't changed. I know that we walked into our relationship and marriage with both eyes open, and I hope we can get through this rough patch by holding on to one another and trusting that things will get better.
For now, I'm happy that my anger is gone, and I'll be happy to be rid of this headache.