Hide and Seek Bullshit (10-11-14)

When the going gets tough, the tough get a cigarette. Or, at least, in Shilo's case, it works that way. He's written numerous times in numerous places about my "bloodhound" nose, and my ability to sniff it out. He's tried many ways to hide it, but I still know. I've not only got super smelling, but I also have an allergy to scents, and many of them give me a horrible headache, Fortunately, while the odor of cigarettes bother me, they don't give headaches. Any scents used to cover odors do. Perfume, aftershave, cologne, scented cleaners, and most air fresheners will either make me gag or get a massive headache. I rarely complain, I just avoid the person/area and I'm fine. Headaches last a minimum of 30 minutes. Shilo knows this. He's witnessed it firsthand. He's not stupid.

Okay, last sentence of the first paragraph. Please remember it. Shilo does become a bit addle-brained when he's been smoking. Remember, he tries (foolishly) to hide it from me. Occasionally, I just wait for him to fuck up and I don't say a thing. I think to myself "Dammit! He's been smoking again!!! and my mouth says "Mmmm! I Love you!" because I DO Love him. I Love him in spite of all the things he does, just like he Loves me in spite of how I am. That's just how things go. I do have limits, and sometimes he pushes them, other times, he's just addle-brained. On with the story:

Shilo and I ran separate errands on Friday, and I got home before him. I was in the middle of an important conference call from a church leader in Chicago when Shilo came in. My assistant, M, was with me, and talking on the speakerphone. As soon as Shilo entered, I knew something wasn't right. My head started to "explode" with a headache. Shilo smelled like he had bathed in air freshener perfume, and I tried avoiding him, but he had to be where we were. Finally, when I couldn't handle the pain anymore, I told him that he wasn't hiding anything, I knew he had been smoking, and would he PLEASE get rid of that odor because my head was pounding. He showered and changed, and I was so happy (yes, happy!) to just smell cigarettes on him. I told him we'd talk about it in detail later. We haven't yet done so. Too many other things.

Stuff I want to say, some of which I took the time to express:

• You know you can't fool me.
• Why hide it when you know I can smell it?
• Why did you use the stuff that gives me a headache?
• You realize that by "covering" the odor, it's lying and a repeat offense.
• Do you enjoy this?
• Do you think I emjoy this?
• How do you plan on fixing this situation?
• Surely you can think of a better way to deal with your anger and frustration.
• And many more similar feelings and thoughts...

One day, Shilo will really realize that hiding stuff from me is a waste of time, and he'll learn to come to me and confess/tell the truth immediately. This is what transparency is all about. Being honest about things, expressing your feelings, and accepting the consequences. Please quit playing hide and seek with me.