Unlike Me (10-6-14)

I'm hearing it so often these days. “Merry, that's so unlike you...” followed by whatever action or inaction that has taken place. It leaves me questioning... and thinking to myself “Am I not allowed to change?” Think about it. Do we not have Seasons? Summer, Fall, Winter, Spring? Caterpillars turn into a chrysalis, and break out of it as a butterfly. Humans go from infant to toddler, to child, pre-teen, teenager, young adult, then an adult, and, if they have good genetics, they become elderly. Yes, those are physical outward changes, but I can tell you, with absolute certainty, that who I was at 17 was not who I thought I'd be at 13. Situations have a way of changing people. Life experiences change us as well. This leaves me to where I am now.

I'm always unapologetically me. It doesn't mean I don't acknowledge my faults, but it does mean I won't apologize for expressing my feelings. It means that situations and experiences have a habit of changing how I feel about things. I've done many things that I thought I'd never do because of a fresh outlook on things, and by “fresh” I don't always mean good. Bad situations have had a much bigger impact on me, but, in the long run, it's always turned out much better than I first imagined. I'm the eternal optimist, a Pollyanna of sorts. So, right now, things are tough. I know that things will eventually turn around, but it's not time yet. In some ways, I feel like I've failed myself and others, but I don't have a crystal ball that will predict the future, and I'm not so sure I'd want to know all that anyway.

What this means is that my social life might be curtailed for a little while. I'll be attending fewer parties and munches, and I don't know how long this will last. Maybe things will improve by tomorrow, maybe next week, or maybe next year. I can't put a timeline on things that I can't control. This also means I'm doing something I thought I'd never do. Being unapologetically me means that I'm not ashamed, but I am a little surprised. Over the past 14 months, Shilo and I have occasionally made movies of our sessions for our own private pleasure and viewing, but because of one of the out of control situations, it was mutually decided that we would share our movies with others on clips4sale. We will also be filming most of our home sessions, and adding them as well.

I will also ask that my friends here understand that this was not an easy decision, and I don't take things lightly. My options were to ask people to give/loan me money out of the kindness of their heart, and feel uncomfortable because I owe everyone money, or to be filmed doing something I enjoy (disciplining Shilo) and asking my friends to help me out by purchasing our movies, and/or suggesting to others that they check out our store, and make a purchase. I see this as a win-win situation. Nobody winds up empty-handed. My son's medical bills get paid, my mortgage gets paid, and the purchasers get a peek inside my kink life.

Please go to http://clips4sale.com/studio/85069 to view our store. Thank you!