Sick Still

In about 10 hours, it will be a week since I saw my doctor and was informed that this "plague" I'm suffering from isn't the flu. Call it what you want, it's made me miserable, and other than the several times daily cleanup with baby wipes, it's been a week since I've showered,  Yeah, I feel disgusting. I don't know how either Shilo or Stitch can stand being near me. Must be Love.

So, anyway, people ask me about my relationship with Shilo. I do my best to explain, but, unless you're living it, it's not easy to explain in a simple way. I've Loved Stitch for over 10 years now. He's my partner-in-crime, my very special, much-loved ex-husband. People forget that before Shilo, there was Stitch. Stitch who made the adjustments, Stitch who had to learn to share me. I'm not saying Shilo has had it easy, but the adjustments, in regards to me, has been minimal. Shilo met Stitch, knowing that Stitch is/was a part of me. There was short period of time, after Shilo and I got engaged that caused some confusion on Shilo's part, but fortunately, it was short-lived.

There was some 'posturing' and competition until it was explained that there is no real competition. Stitch has his place, Shilo has his, and neither one can replace the other. Stitch is not a masochist, nor is he submissive, and, while Shilo is very protective of Sunshine, he's not her Daddy, and Stitch fills that role nicely. There's other things that Stitch does too, but it's not relevant to the subject.

Since Shilo and I got married, we've managed to get along well. This isn't to say there haven't been disagreements, but we've managed to talk things out. The source of most of our disagreements stems from tallship, and he's got a deadline to move out.

I've dated a few times since Shilo and I got married, but nothing serious, and since I have rules in place for dating someone new, I'm not too likely to get sexually involved with another man or woman anytime soon. Yes, it has now been well over a month since I've engaged in intercourse with either Shilo or Stitch, but, as a rule, I'm sexually satisfied. I doubt very seriously that anyone could make me feel as wonderful as they do, and I'm not going to go looking just to satisfy a temporary need.

I'm very much in Love with Shilo and Stitch, and I don't want anyone else. How many people do you know that can honestly say that? The best part (for me) is that there's no hiding anything. I can hold each one's hand, hug them and kiss them in front of the other, and say "I Love you" without any fear. There's no awkwardness when we're in the same bed together. There was some awkwardness the first night I slept with Shilo, but only because I'd never done that before. By sleeping, I mean sleeping, not sex.

This brings me to my final point: While I never hide my Love for either of them, I also don't parade one in front of the other. I don't have sex with one in front of the other, and I am very private about it when it happens. I try to have sex while the other is away or out of earshot. 

Any questions?

Confession Time

This really isn't much of a confession as it is an admission of failure.

As far as I can remember, the last time I engaged in intercourse was sometime around Thanksgiving. in fact, that was the last time I received any sexual stimulation at all.

You see, boys and girls, I don't masturbate. Well, that's a half-truth. Let's just say that I masturbate once a year or so. I usually do it when I've been having LOTS of sex, and I want that good feeling to continue. I'll orgasm to the point of exhaustion, then sleep for a long time. It's a good happy feeling. My orgasms come rapidly, and I recover quickly. I never have "just one."

Keeping that in mind, last night I decided it had been long enough, and I was going to take matters into my own hands. I was going to masturbate! I read some sexy stories online, then went into the bathroom. I made some ginger paste to stimulate myself in hopes that I'd come quickly. I used a gloved hand and spread the paste on, and I enjoyed the tingle and heat. Then I went into the shower to rinse it off, and I used a toy that usually results in rapid fire orgasms. Only... well, only nothing happened. I didn't even get that "feel good" happiness that will show up when I'm too tired to cum.

I tried. I really tried. I spent the better part of an hour doing what I could to get there, but nothing worked. I finally gave up and went to bed frustrated. So, this morning, when Shilo came home from work, I told him I had a confession to make. He was obviously confused, because I tell him everything anyway. I get the feeling he was imagining something horrible, and he was relieved it wasn't anything bad, but I think he also felt sorry for me. Hell, I felt sorry for myself!

Anyway, with that conversation over, we both went to sleep for a while, and I got up about 10 to start my day, leaving him to sleep. I just feel stupid. I mean, I should have known that I wouldn't orgasm. I guess I'll just have to wait until someone wants me, because taking matters into my own hands is a huge waste of time.

Now that I've admitted that, I feel even more stupid. Laugh if you want. ♥

January Already???!!!

Here it is... January already! Think of this as an update on my life and Household.

My last post (on December 7th) was the day before I wrote a note to all members of the Household about some things that had me bothered, along with suggestions to make things better/easier for myself and the rest of the Household. I'm happy to say that there have been some improvements, but, in a few cases, it's been a case of "too little, too late." It got so bad, that I wrote another letter to the Household on New Year's Day and told Sherman that he has until February 19th to either have a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I think the majority of us would prefer a move out at this point.

My son Babyman AKA Child #4 has been having increased health issues, so he's been staying at the house with me. I now consider him a part-time member of the Household. Yes, this means that most activities previously allowed are now forbidden on a regular basis, but it's for the best in the long run. My child needs me. Also, we see the Neurology Specialist tomorrow to discuss the results of his MRI he had last month, and the options available. Kind of scary, but we need to do what's best for him and his health.

Finally, lets discuss Polyamory a little bit: Yes, I'm polyamorous, and I have three men living with me and two of them are my sexual partners. People seem to think I have and get sex on a frequent basis, and that simply isn't the case. For the record, the last time I engaged in intercourse with anyone that I recall was sometime in November. If I did it in December, I have no memory of it. I'm sure Shilo will remind me in the comments if we did. I know for a fact that Stitch hasn't. I'm not "complaining" just stating facts. Sherman went so far as to tell me if he wasn't mono he'd "give me some" but my #1 thought was "ICK!!!" Yeah, so now the truth about poly is out. Will I "get some" in January? The jury is still deciding on that.

I'll try to update a little more often.