Smiling In Spite Of... (3-28-15)

NOTE: This is not a request for help, nor am I asking anyone to feel sorry for me. It's just that I sometimes have to remove the heavy load and dump it out. I've been doing it quite a bit lately, simply because it's been so heavy, and rather than going into hiding like I used to, I'm gonna drop this stuff and try to keep on moving. Life is for the living, and I'm not dead yet, so I keep on smiling.

My Household has had a very difficult 9 months. It's my job as Head to keep things running as smoothly as possible and keep a cool head when things go to shit. I'm guilty of having a soft heart (or soft head, depending on who you're asking) and I'm never ashamed to admit and apologize for my mistakes, and right them if possible. Unfortunately, there's one I cannot fix. I invited someone into my home because they were down on their luck, and if I can help a friend, then I will. This person offered to assist me with some things in exchange for staying with us, so I agreed. It was fine until this person put me in a compromising situation by getting entangled with a sub that was new to the lifestyle. I advised him as a friend to stay clear of her because she was new. He had the nerve to accuse me of being racist, so rather than argue the point, I let him go on, knowing that neither of them knew what they were doing. Let's just leave it with this: It ended badly, and I had to do damage control.
NOTE TO SUBMISSIVES/SLAVES:` Unless the Mistress/Master/Dominant is yours, you are not` obligated to obey.
NOTE TO MISTRESSES/MASTERS/DOMINANTS:` Unless they are yours, it it unreasonable and rude to expect any and every submissive or slave to follow your orders.

PERIOD!!!

I dislike shit to begin with, but I'm okay with handling mine. Cleaning up a shitstorm cause by another isn't my cup of tea. Let's just say I like to mind my own business, and getting involved with drama (oh, how I detest` that word!) that isn't mine pisses me off. Anyway, instead of sending this person on his merry way, I let him off with a lecture and a stern warning. Give him a chance, right? Then he decided to argue with Sunshine (my little) over some petty thing. Sunshine is 7 years old, and as much as I'd like to say she is well-mannered, she has issues with impulse control. After all, she's 7. I have no control over what she does. Feel free to ask either of her Daddies or Shilo if you doubt it. Still, I forgave him, and Sunshine stayed in hiding when he was around, and she started calling him "The mean man" when he wasn't around. Then, he slowly stopped doing what he agreed to do, and he wasn't investing enough time into finding employment. In the meantime, child #4 (age 25 and developmentally disabled) was having increasing problems with his epilepsy, and needed to be hospitalized for a week so he could be observed, and insurance wasn't going to cover all of it. We're still paying that off. Because I knew that we couldn't afford it, I started a clips 4 sale studio in hopes of supplementing our income so we could pay the medical bills, because I don't want people feeling sorry for me, and I'd rather work for money than take a handout. We stopped attending events for several months thinking that we'd save some money. It didn't really work, and I was sinking into a deep depression, but still wearing that smile.
PERSONAL NOTE:` Sometimes, we need the company of others who share our interests, and staying away does more damage than good.

Right about the time child #4 got out of the hospital, Shilo began having digestive issues. His doctor attributed it to stress, but it got so bad that Shilo was unable to to do do anything physical and so we stopped filming. Just before Christmas, Child #4 had a series of seizures and spent 5 days in the hospital. I'm not a (money) rich woman, and this stress was really getting to me, but I kept going, knowing that things had to eventually improve. I still hold on to that belief. Right about that time, Sunshine made an offhand suggestion to “the mean man” that he should marry his girlfriend. Then, she messaged the girlfriend, and things got ugly. Sunshine told both Stitch and Shilo that the girlfriend was mean, and Sunshine called the girlfriend an 'ungrateful cunt.' Naturally, this only caused more problems, but, in her defense, I think she was feeling my frustration and aggravation. Once more, "The mean man" argued with Sunshine in spite of being told on numerous occasions that arguing with her is completely unacceptable. I was at wit's end, and I hated myself for allowing my heart to lead. I was in a funk from not being around the people I love, and not participating in events. I realized that staying away might be saving a few dollars, but at the expense of my mental well-being. The local community had become my family after the death of my mother, and I missed it.
NOTE TO ALL:`Denying yourself of the people you care about doesn't solve anything.

On New Year's Day, I decided to not take any more shit, and I held a household meeting giving "The mean man" 7 weeks to get a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I also decided that I wasn't going to wallow in depression anymore, and I signed up for the LA GRUE, maxing out my last credit card. It was a small price to pay for better mental health. I smiled more, and I even laughed. Still, I knew that the medical bills (and other bills) were piling up. Shilo was still having issues, so Stitch accompanied me instead, and we provided transportation for my Mentor/other Daddy. It was a happy overwhelming (in a good way) weekend. Somehow, I contracted a "virus from hell" and spent weeks not doing anything, although I went out a few times when I was foolish enough to think I was 'better' only to have it come back with a vengeance a few days later. During the 7+ weeks I was ill, I managed to attend 3 events on nights I thought it was over. My smile was genuine, and the fact that "The mean man" managed to meet the deadline and paid part of what was requested made things a little easier. Still, it was too little too late. Bills were now not only piling up, but the hospital was getting impatient. I don't blame them, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. The fact that I needed to maintain my mental health, pay the mortgage and basic utilities was overwhelming as it was. Dealing with the fact that I had a person in my home that I was beyond loathing added to the stressors, but I somehow managed to smile in spite of it all.

SOLUTION

Shilo decided to take on a second part-time job so we could catch up a little bit, and I know he'd rather spend his off time with me, but taking care of the Household is something we're all responsible for, and I've done some freelance work to help pay bills too. Our clips 4 sale site is still up, but we don't get many buyers, in spite of the “hits” we get. I'm hoping that will change soon. I recently managed to sell a few stories, and I decided that it was a reason to celebrate, so tonight I'm going out with Shilo and Stitch to a play party. Yes, it will eat up my earnings, but I managed to pay off all the utilities so they are up-to-date, and some of the pressure is off. Am I worried about the other stuff? You bet! However, I can't allow myself to get overwhelmed by it. We had to cancel a much-needed test for Shilo a few days ago because we weren't notified until the day before how much it was going to cost (too much!) and he was expected to pay for it up front. Still, I smile in spite of, because when you've reached bottom, the only way is up, and I'm not quitting.
NOTE TO ALL:` Don't quit or give in when things are rotten, try to learn from the mistakes of others, and smile in spite of it all, cause there's always someone worse off than you are.

Adventures in Errand Running (3-2-15)

Introduction: For those of you not "In the know" I'll use this to explain my Household. Stitch works day shift Monday through Friday. He rides a bicycle 20 miles round-trip every day he works. Shilo works extended graves 3 nights a week. (Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday) He comes home on Wednesday mornings totally exhausted. The advantage is that his 40 hours are compacted in that time, and I'm never left alone at home for more than 2 hours on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. The disadvantage is that I usually wind up running errands alone if I have to do them on Monday or Tuesday. Such was the case today.

Setting: I was unable to take care of banking on Friday or Saturday last week, so it had to be done today. I mean, I paid the bills, but the cash was at the other bank (Chase) that Shilo uses. I also had 2 prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy, and Donna needed food. I also had to buy groceries. Not overly stressful when you look at it, but the events were not quite that simple. (They never are)

The Plan: get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time, driving the least amount of miles. Not an easy task... The pharmacy is 4 miles away, the nearest pet food store from my house is 4.5 miles from my house, but an additional 3 miles away from the pharmacy, and let's not even discuss the banks
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The Decision: If I drove to a shopping Center in Lakewood, I could do everything but get my prescriptions in a 2 block radius, then drive back to the pharmacy, which would be on my way home. Total time spent driving would be 45 minutes round-trip, and I could park in one spot for the banking, and pet food store Easy-peasy!

The Reality: I woke up to rain. Heavy rain. Shilo was already in bed next to me, and he was warm and inviting. Did I really have to go out? Well... I had one night's worth of seizure medication, Donna was out of her food, and the banking? Well, I was already 3 days overdue on that one. Couldn't escape any of it. The rain got harder, and Shilo was soo warm, and he was holding me in such a way that if I tried to get up and out of his hold, I'd wake him. Then there was my cat, Tsunami. He was asleep on my chest. So warm, so cozy. I laid in the cuddle pile for a few hours, enjoying every minute of it.

An overly-full bladder and the sun peeking through the clouds and the curtains finally caused me enough discomfort to get out of bed. Out of all of us, I think Tsunami was miffed the most. It was going on 2:30 by then, so I knew I had to leave, I took a quick shower and left. I also managed to leave both my shopping list and the bank instructions (how much to withdraw) at home. I knew I could wing the shopping list, but I wasn't sure how much money I needed. I had to call (and wake) Shilo for that information. Waking Shilo when he's worked the night before and has to work again in a few hours is an ugly thing. He wasn't happy about me waking him. I don't blame him at all...

How I resisted calling him again after the event at his bank was done by sheer willpower. Needless to say, I didn't call him, and the only thing I've told him about it was that I said "SHIT!!!" loudly enough to turn heads. It was horribly embarrassing, and instead of the 3 minutes I allotted at Chase, I spent 20 minutes there, mostly with a red face and a sheepish grin. There are customers who may never forget or forgive me for my outburst and the ensuing hassle I caused, but, honestly, the events (other than me yelling "SHIT!") were not my fault.

Once that was done, I deposited the money in my bank, bought food for Donna, and headed to the pharmacy, and I managed to buy most of my groceries at the store where the pharmacy is located. Oh! Did I hear you complain that I didn't tell you what happened at Chase? I will... be patient! I still had to stop at Von's for some of the groceries, but it was on the way home, and I finally got home at 5:30, nearly an hour after I had planned on getting home. Unfortunately Stitch didn't answer his phone (as usual) so I had to walk in with the first set of bags using the long way.

I had just finished bringing in the bags and putting away the groceries when Shilo got up for work. I hinted that it had been an adventure today, but I told him he'd have to wait until I posted this.

The Public Humiliation: I'm not very fond of interacting with bank tellers, and, under normal circumstances, I'd use the ATM and be on my way, but the ATM has a limit of $500 for Shilo's account. This means I has no choice but to go inside. They have these huge machines that you can withdraw any amount you want without dealing with a teller. You can even choose the denominations of the cash. I swiped my card and entered $540. A big notice flashed on the screen that I could only withdraw $200. I was confused, but I re-entered my card and PIN and entered $200 for withdrawal, figuring I could withdraw more later. The machine made all kinds of noise, and I was getting worried that there was something wrong, I mean, it was making loud noises, and nothing was happening. Finally, it let out a loud groan and it spit out $200...
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in ONES!
That's right! Two hundred one dollar bills!!! Naturally, my response was SHIT!!! I mean, I had a huge pile of bills in my hand, there were 15 people in line, and I wasn't about to stand in that line with all that money!

I saw a man at a desk in an office, and I tapped on the door. He laughed when he saw the horrified look on my face. I guess the machine started doing that in the morning with everyone. He promised me it would be getting fixed, but the damage and embarrassment had already been done.

He apologized, took the cash in the back, and I heard someone let out a hoot, and then "Jackpot!" It took an awfully long time for him to return, but I guess the money needed to be hand-counted. It was when he returned with the two $100 bills that I realized he had customers at his desk. No doubt they were silently cursing me under their breath.

I hightailed it out of the bank, stopped at the ATM and got the rest of the money, glad that nothing worse had happened.

Moral: There is none, other than expect the unexpected when you least expect it. Well, that, and don't yell expletives in a full bank with children present.