My Household has had a very difficult 9 months. It's my job as Head
to keep things running as smoothly as possible and keep a cool head when
things go to shit. I'm guilty of having a soft heart (or soft head,
depending on who you're asking) and I'm never ashamed to admit and
apologize for my mistakes, and right them if possible. Unfortunately,
there's one I cannot fix. I invited someone into my home because they
were down on their luck, and if I can help a friend, then I will. This
person offered to assist me with some things in exchange for staying
with us, so I agreed. It was fine until this person put me in a
compromising situation by getting entangled with a sub that was new to
the lifestyle. I advised him as a friend to stay clear of her because
she was new. He had the nerve to accuse me of being racist, so rather
than argue the point, I let him go on, knowing that neither of them knew
what they were doing. Let's just leave it with this: It ended badly,
and I had to do damage control.
NOTE TO SUBMISSIVES/SLAVES:` Unless the Mistress/Master/Dominant is yours, you are not` obligated to obey.
NOTE TO MISTRESSES/MASTERS/DOMINANTS:` Unless they are yours, it it unreasonable and rude to expect any and every submissive or slave to follow your orders.
PERSONAL NOTE:` Sometimes, we need the company of others who share our interests, and staying away does more damage than good.
Right about the time child #4 got out of the hospital, Shilo began having digestive issues. His doctor attributed it to stress, but it got so bad that Shilo was unable to to do do anything physical and so we stopped filming. Just before Christmas, Child #4 had a series of seizures and spent 5 days in the hospital. I'm not a (money) rich woman, and this stress was really getting to me, but I kept going, knowing that things had to eventually improve. I still hold on to that belief. Right about that time, Sunshine made an offhand suggestion to “the mean man” that he should marry his girlfriend. Then, she messaged the girlfriend, and things got ugly. Sunshine told both Stitch and Shilo that the girlfriend was mean, and Sunshine called the girlfriend an 'ungrateful cunt.' Naturally, this only caused more problems, but, in her defense, I think she was feeling my frustration and aggravation. Once more, "The mean man" argued with Sunshine in spite of being told on numerous occasions that arguing with her is completely unacceptable. I was at wit's end, and I hated myself for allowing my heart to lead. I was in a funk from not being around the people I love, and not participating in events. I realized that staying away might be saving a few dollars, but at the expense of my mental well-being. The local community had become my family after the death of my mother, and I missed it.
NOTE TO ALL:`Denying yourself of the people you care about doesn't solve anything.
On New Year's Day, I decided to not take any more shit, and I held a household meeting giving "The mean man" 7 weeks to get a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I also decided that I wasn't going to wallow in depression anymore, and I signed up for the LA GRUE, maxing out my last credit card. It was a small price to pay for better mental health. I smiled more, and I even laughed. Still, I knew that the medical bills (and other bills) were piling up. Shilo was still having issues, so Stitch accompanied me instead, and we provided transportation for my Mentor/other Daddy. It was a happy overwhelming (in a good way) weekend. Somehow, I contracted a "virus from hell" and spent weeks not doing anything, although I went out a few times when I was foolish enough to think I was 'better' only to have it come back with a vengeance a few days later. During the 7+ weeks I was ill, I managed to attend 3 events on nights I thought it was over. My smile was genuine, and the fact that "The mean man" managed to meet the deadline and paid part of what was requested made things a little easier. Still, it was too little too late. Bills were now not only piling up, but the hospital was getting impatient. I don't blame them, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. The fact that I needed to maintain my mental health, pay the mortgage and basic utilities was overwhelming as it was. Dealing with the fact that I had a person in my home that I was beyond loathing added to the stressors, but I somehow managed to smile in spite of it all.
NOTE TO ALL:` Don't quit or give in when things are rotten, try to learn from the mistakes of others, and smile in spite of it all, cause there's always someone worse off than you are.
NOTE TO SUBMISSIVES/SLAVES:` Unless the Mistress/Master/Dominant is yours, you are not` obligated to obey.
NOTE TO MISTRESSES/MASTERS/DOMINANTS:` Unless they are yours, it it unreasonable and rude to expect any and every submissive or slave to follow your orders.
PERIOD!!!
I dislike shit to begin with, but I'm okay with handling mine. Cleaning up a shitstorm cause by another isn't my cup of tea. Let's just say I like to mind my own business, and getting involved with drama (oh, how I detest` that word!) that isn't mine pisses me off. Anyway, instead of sending this person on his merry way, I let him off with a lecture and a stern warning. Give him a chance, right? Then he decided to argue with Sunshine (my little) over some petty thing. Sunshine is 7 years old, and as much as I'd like to say she is well-mannered, she has issues with impulse control. After all, she's 7. I have no control over what she does. Feel free to ask either of her Daddies or Shilo if you doubt it. Still, I forgave him, and Sunshine stayed in hiding when he was around, and she started calling him "The mean man" when he wasn't around. Then, he slowly stopped doing what he agreed to do, and he wasn't investing enough time into finding employment. In the meantime, child #4 (age 25 and developmentally disabled) was having increasing problems with his epilepsy, and needed to be hospitalized for a week so he could be observed, and insurance wasn't going to cover all of it. We're still paying that off. Because I knew that we couldn't afford it, I started a clips 4 sale studio in hopes of supplementing our income so we could pay the medical bills, because I don't want people feeling sorry for me, and I'd rather work for money than take a handout. We stopped attending events for several months thinking that we'd save some money. It didn't really work, and I was sinking into a deep depression, but still wearing that smile.PERSONAL NOTE:` Sometimes, we need the company of others who share our interests, and staying away does more damage than good.
Right about the time child #4 got out of the hospital, Shilo began having digestive issues. His doctor attributed it to stress, but it got so bad that Shilo was unable to to do do anything physical and so we stopped filming. Just before Christmas, Child #4 had a series of seizures and spent 5 days in the hospital. I'm not a (money) rich woman, and this stress was really getting to me, but I kept going, knowing that things had to eventually improve. I still hold on to that belief. Right about that time, Sunshine made an offhand suggestion to “the mean man” that he should marry his girlfriend. Then, she messaged the girlfriend, and things got ugly. Sunshine told both Stitch and Shilo that the girlfriend was mean, and Sunshine called the girlfriend an 'ungrateful cunt.' Naturally, this only caused more problems, but, in her defense, I think she was feeling my frustration and aggravation. Once more, "The mean man" argued with Sunshine in spite of being told on numerous occasions that arguing with her is completely unacceptable. I was at wit's end, and I hated myself for allowing my heart to lead. I was in a funk from not being around the people I love, and not participating in events. I realized that staying away might be saving a few dollars, but at the expense of my mental well-being. The local community had become my family after the death of my mother, and I missed it.
NOTE TO ALL:`Denying yourself of the people you care about doesn't solve anything.
On New Year's Day, I decided to not take any more shit, and I held a household meeting giving "The mean man" 7 weeks to get a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I also decided that I wasn't going to wallow in depression anymore, and I signed up for the LA GRUE, maxing out my last credit card. It was a small price to pay for better mental health. I smiled more, and I even laughed. Still, I knew that the medical bills (and other bills) were piling up. Shilo was still having issues, so Stitch accompanied me instead, and we provided transportation for my Mentor/other Daddy. It was a happy overwhelming (in a good way) weekend. Somehow, I contracted a "virus from hell" and spent weeks not doing anything, although I went out a few times when I was foolish enough to think I was 'better' only to have it come back with a vengeance a few days later. During the 7+ weeks I was ill, I managed to attend 3 events on nights I thought it was over. My smile was genuine, and the fact that "The mean man" managed to meet the deadline and paid part of what was requested made things a little easier. Still, it was too little too late. Bills were now not only piling up, but the hospital was getting impatient. I don't blame them, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. The fact that I needed to maintain my mental health, pay the mortgage and basic utilities was overwhelming as it was. Dealing with the fact that I had a person in my home that I was beyond loathing added to the stressors, but I somehow managed to smile in spite of it all.
SOLUTION
Shilo decided to take on a second part-time job so we could catch up a little bit, and I know he'd rather spend his off time with me, but taking care of the Household is something we're all responsible for, and I've done some freelance work to help pay bills too. Our clips 4 sale site is still up, but we don't get many buyers, in spite of the “hits” we get. I'm hoping that will change soon. I recently managed to sell a few stories, and I decided that it was a reason to celebrate, so tonight I'm going out with Shilo and Stitch to a play party. Yes, it will eat up my earnings, but I managed to pay off all the utilities so they are up-to-date, and some of the pressure is off. Am I worried about the other stuff? You bet! However, I can't allow myself to get overwhelmed by it. We had to cancel a much-needed test for Shilo a few days ago because we weren't notified until the day before how much it was going to cost (too much!) and he was expected to pay for it up front. Still, I smile in spite of, because when you've reached bottom, the only way is up, and I'm not quitting.NOTE TO ALL:` Don't quit or give in when things are rotten, try to learn from the mistakes of others, and smile in spite of it all, cause there's always someone worse off than you are.
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