This really should be in my "About Me"

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Well, part of it is, but not all of it. The "I have PTSD and SAD, amongst other things" is clearly stated there, if you dig deep enough. However, what isn't stated (and should be) is that my psychiatrist/therapist considers me to be medication compliant and stable. What is clearly stated in my chart is that I only call if there is a REALLY EXTREME PROBLEM This means that things are CRITICAL and the call is to be returned as soon as possible. I routinely joke that if I called every time something was wrong, I'd be calling almost daily, but I have enough common sense to call only when I feel I can't handle it anymore. So, when mom died 3 years ago? YES !!! When Shilo's mom died? Not right then, but I did notify so I could get my flying medication. When I first got Jonathan's cancer diagnosis? You better believe it!

So now I have friends offering assistance. I really appreciate it, and I will definitely take them up on it, but I honestly feel so confused that I don't know what I want or need right now. Jonathan isn't up to even having me visit, so I'm respecting his wishes. We're waiting to find out if any of his 4 brothers are a match for a bone marrow transplant, and those results are at least a week away, according to the Oncologist. "Hurry up and wait" is how it is. In the meantime, there are 'spots' in his lungs that were discovered in his last body scan, done on Tuesday, so we're waiting on the results of a bronchoscopy(sp?) that was was done on Thursday.

Am I worried? Honestly, not nearly as badly as I was when all this first started. Somehow, having a few more answers has calmed me down. We've had a few times already when it looked like Jon was close to dying, and I've felt so hopeless and helpless and frightened, but with him being somewhere where all the staff is experienced with cancer patients, I've actually been able to breathe easier. The statistics aren't that good, but if Jonathan hadn't gone to the ER when he did, he would have died on the plane trip to Japan that was planned a week after the ER visit. I know this is all borrowed time, so I'm thankful for every call, every hug, and every "I Love you Mom" that I get. Consider this a calm before the storm. I know it's coming, and I'm girding up for it. When it hits, I will call, I will text, I will take up those offers.

"So, Merry, what do want right now?" I want all my friends to have a Blessed Solstice, Happy Yule, Happy Festivus, Happy Mawlid Al Nabi, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Boxing Day, Happy National Chocolate Day, Happy Bacon Day, and finally, A VERY Happy New Year! If I neglected to mention a date important to you, I apologize, and I hope it is as wonderful as you are!