Thursday, June 24, 2021

Uneasiness

 I'm not even sure I want to write about this, but my uneasiness won't allow me to sleep.

Something isn't right, and it's not something I can fix. I really wish that I could point at it and say "Begone!" or some such nonsense like that, but it just doesn't work that way.

ALL of my most intimate relationships are based on trust and honesty, and I'm starting to feel that while there isn't a lie, there is an omission of truth, and that I'm being kept in the dark about things, but it's not something I can point at.

It's like sitting in a movie theater where you know that there's a bad guy hiding behind the curtain, but the person onscreen has no idea, and you want to shout "RUN!!" as loud as you can in hopes that the person onscreen hears you and gets safely away before they are captured.

It's just not right, and there's a web of lies and half-truths being told to others, and you're helpless and watching, and feeling like a part of you is suffocating and dying slowly.

I really want to maintain an open mind and trust, but I can't, and how do I say STOP!!! without sounding crazy, or jealous or both? 

I question whether this is a test of my resolve and trust, or if I'm just waiting for the inevitable death of the person onscreen.

I.Just.Don't.Like.This.

4 comments:

  1. I have no advice on this one because I can get that way too, but while not 100%, I will say MOST of these times have ended up with me having invented my own monsters. Not always. A couple of times I was sensing a hidden reality, but these were select, special, and rare events. Is it possible that these demons are of your own imagining?

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  2. I wish they had been.

    Actually, I'm kind of relieved that I got the confirmation I needed this afternoon. Knowing is half the battle, and now that I know, I can work through it. ♥

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  3. I always just go with my gut. Sometimes the feelings are nothing but my own interpretation of the situation, but that's not to say the circumstances aren't real. Just the way I react to them. And sometimes we need clarification and acknowledgement of the facts and our own feelings, respectively, in order to adjust and accept our own emotions. OFten that helps me move past it with a less icky feeling in the pit of my stomach.

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