Friday, July 7, 2017

The Agreement (One week later) with Fire Details Bonus

Fire Details?

Let's go there first. Did I mention that my boyfriend is originally from England? He even has a thick British accent. Unfortunately, he mumbles often, so talking on the phone is often an exercise in futility. I personally DETEST texting, but he is my exception to the rule, but more in that later.

I'm pretty sure we can all agree that when it comes to verbal expressions, the British have a way with words that most people in the US just don't quite understand. His "verbiage" caused a woman to get upset with him recently, and she accused him of being thoughtless and mean. He may be a Sadist, but he is neither thoughtless or mean. It's just that what his British friends would laugh and smile at, this poor woman took to be an insult. Now, instead of just apologizing and moving on (like any other man should do!) He explained himself!

Any woman in the US will tell you that all explaining does is get us more upset and angry! The smart (US) way of just apologizing usually suffices, and prevents blowups. Poor dear man! He just doesn't "get" it, so between dealing with my own stuff, I got stuck between a crying justifiably angry woman, and a sweet confused man saying "But, I was..." It's after 10:30 here and my phone hasn't gone off, so I think (hope) all is well.


Back to the Agreement:

I don't normally share details of my formal agreements with others, but in order to understand the progress (or lack thereof) it might be helpful to know what's in  this one, so I will share.

Here is a copy of the Agreement with requests:

General Agreement Proposal

We agree that this Relationship was and is founded in Love, and that we will speak to one another in a Loving and Caring manner, always showing respect for each other. We may not always agree on things but we will do our best to not say hurtful or disrespectful things to one another.

We understand/agree that polyamory is involved, and that in itself requires open lines of communication at all times. We promise to discuss our feelings, rather than allow bad feelings to fester, and, if either of us feels overwhelmed and unable to speak, the affected person will write down what S/he is feeling in a journal entry or email, and direct the other's attention to it.

We may pursue relationships with others, but we are not obligated to discuss it until such a time when we feel that said relationships will be of some Importance. Fetlife or Facebook relationship changes are considered to be important. Boyfriend’s FWB’s are not included in this.

If Merry decides she wants to pursue a serious relationship with someone, She will hold a meeting with Shilo, Stitch, and Boyfriend (if he desires) so that She may discuss Her feelings and gain their approval. They understand that they are expected to give approval, unless they can provide a justifiable reason as to why said relationship would be detrimental to Her. They also understand that if they have not yet met the person in question, a meeting will be held so they can ask questions and get to know the person. They will not discuss their opinions amongst themselves unless Merry is present.

Any sexual relationships (in this case, intercourse) other than FWB’s will be discussed in advance if possible. Any potential sexual partners for Merry are required to have a current HIV test done, and must interview separately with each Family Member (Currently Merry, Shilo, and Stitch) unless otherwise agreed. Approval is by majority vote. Boyfriend understands that Merry wants and appreciates feedback on her decisions, and hopes that Boyfriend will give the same courtesy to her.

Boyfriend agrees to never mention his FWB’s with Merry unless he is directly asked. Both Boyfriend and Merry agree to focus on each other when they are together. Other people and/or obligations will only be discussed in a general manner.


I would like to see you a minimum of once a month preferably twice. Days and amount of time at your convenience.

It would be nice if we contacted each other on a more regular basis. Once or twice a week, by Fetmail or text even if it’s only “Wow, I’m so busy, hope you are well.”

We will try to attend one event a year as a couple.

We agree to always use condoms and/or gloves when needed during sexual encounters with each other.

Boyfriend may request that Merry dress a certain way on their dates together. Merry agrees to any reasonable request.

I felt it was reasonable, although my boyfriend had a lot of "What if?" type questions.  He said he could not agree to notification in advance because sometimes things "just happen" (I rolled my eyes at that, but said nothing) and he also said that he couldn't commit to one event a year and made some silly excuse. Again, I rolled my eyes. I decided it wasn't worth the argument because he will eventually do it my way anyway (Because all men do) I also asked if he had any requests or suggestions, and he said he didn't. I'm jut waiting on it. It will come.

Since it's been a week I will share:

He has texted and Fetmailed me for six of the past 7 days, often with a back and forth of not understanding why someone is angry at him. I sent him a Fetmail requesting that he escort me to an event. Not as a date, but as a ride. He then went on to explain that he made plans to be with some girl (meaning sub) that night. I explained again that I wanted a ride, not a play partner. He agreed. 

The event above is in a month, and it's not a date. He hasn't yet made a date with me. I am waiting somewhat impatiently, but I am smiling because I trust he will remember. 

So far, I will give him an "E" for effort, because he is trying.

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This is Donna Dawg-Lass, my Pitbull (Bonus points if you know who she was named after)

Isn't she sweet? A week ago, instead of jumping on the bed with us, she put her head on the foot of the bed and whined. I thought it was strange, but I was tired, and she eventually settled on the floor. On Saturday afternoon, while I was cooking, she sat down watching me, and her head seemed to be cocked severely to the left. In fact, her walking was wobbly like she was drunk and she had a "stupid" look on her face. I called the vet at 7:15 Monday morning, and Donna as there at 8:30. Everything seemed normal, so the vet took some blood and gave a diagnosis of Idiopathic Vestibular Syndrome. Other than that, she said a "wait and see" approach was best. The vet called yesterday while I was asleep (it figures!) and told me the results were normal. In fact, they were "Excellent!"

Her head is less cocked today, but she still can't get up on the bed, so she has a blanket on the floor.

So, What's up with YOU?

1 comment:

  1. A lot there. I'm also an 'explainer' while Rosa says the same thing you did. But that's me.

    Your agreement seems reasonable and it's promising that "Boyfriend" is complying as best as he can. Hopefully this will all work out well for everyone.