Sunday, December 10, 2017

Can't Do It

I have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) and normally, I get through it with lots of fluids, plenty of rest, and what my former Therapist (Peter Pan)  called my "secret weapon." A really great antidepressant that has minimal side effects.  Unfortunately, it's not working as well as I hoped this month, and I'm not feeling anywhere close to my best. Add that Shilo is fighting his own demons, and it multiplies.

It's making for a less-than-happy December, and if you add that December 21 will make 5 years since my Mother died unexpectedly, I'm beginning to wonder if I will get through this month without becoming a sobbing incoherent mess that hides in bed all day and night.

I'm not incapable of happy moments, and I never completely give up. After all, as the saying goes: "The Show Must Go On," and I will do my very best to do so. It's just that it's becoming a bigger and bigger struggle to do it, and I sometimes worry that it will overtake me.  The good news is that as long as I struggle and worry about it, my mental health is okay. It's when I completely give up and give in that things become dangerous. I have never given up. I just have to muddle through this the best I know how.

I am very fortunate and thankful to have Shilo and Stitch by my side, and Donna as my support animal. She really does help, even though sometimes I wish she would give me more space.
  (Donna in space)

Maybe I need a pleasant distraction. Maybe I have too much time on my hands, and finding something to do for someone else will help. Anyway, I'm up for suggestions.

Thank you for reading this.



  1. As I was was reading your post, I began to think "she needs an interest/distraction" and then got to your last section which admits just that. Merry, I keep myself perpetually occupied as you know from reading my blog and seeing the stuff I do in-between posting. I HIGHLY recommend cultivating interests. (some call them 'hobbies' but I have always found that term to be trivializing)

    I have so many interests it's fucking ridiculous! And I STILL can get depressed. If you aren't keeping yourself busy with stimulating activities, and you are already prone to depression,you are just looking for trouble! ;-)

    I'm not sure what to recommend because I don't much about that side of you, but if nothing else, I know you have a blog and can write .....and you asked for questions a while back and I gave you a doozy. Write!

    Other than that? What interests you? What have you always wanted to try that you never got around to? Making things......from food, to objects, to whatever is very gratifying.

    I tend to pursue things with a kind of 'I could be dead tomorrow' sort of zeal. t's objectively silly, but thinking that I have to fit a million things into a short period of time, works wonders in keeping my mind from straying towards thoughts that won't help me. I am one of those people who can't stop thinking, so the only way to prevent meandering into the weeds is to keep my mind on something constructive and demanding.

    Good luck! Also, no matter what, get outside as often as possible.

  2. I've recently become more familiar with the term SAD. I must admit I don't know much about it and as we don't really have seasons here where I live, it isn't something too many people know about here.

    I do get depression at dusk. It affects me when I'm out and the sky turns, not so much if I'm indoors and distracted at the time.

    So yes, I think your idea of needing a distraction might work for you too?

    Do you like to make stuff in the kitchen? Chocolate bark is my new favourite thing to do!