Thoughts

I should be asleep.


We (my Household) were blindsided on Saturday morning. We aren't taking it very well.


I'm feeling burdened by many things that are out of my control, and I feel like screaming something to the effect of "Get me OFF this ride!" Unfortunately, it's not going to happen.


While I think I've finished mourning him, the death of my Mentor, Daddy W, has left me with an empty spot. I understand that there's no one who could possibly fill that hole, but I also feel that it would be helpful to have someone I trust to consult with. I wouldn't expect the day-to-day interaction, and I know it wouldn't be quite the same, but I sometimes hit rough spots, and I miss that Dominant male energy. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Dominants of any gender, but it's a different interaction. I'm not looking. Just thinking out loud.


Through an odd turn of events, I was near my old stomping grounds on Saturday. It felt pretty good, and it just might be what we need. I'm throwing that in the wind because I'm hoping for a positive outcome.


Also in relationship to that, I wound up doing something I had hoped I could avoid and it might negatively affect Shilo more than anyone else. I know he can handle this, it's just that I worry.


I worry an awful lot. Mostly because the effects of my accident have lasted longer than first expected. I'm still unable to drive, so scheduling things is dependent on Shilo's availability.


That odd turn of events could possibly be the best news ever and it could give me some independence. I could walk places, and that excites me. Asking for positive thoughts.


I see the Ortho doctor Monday morning to discuss my MRI results. I'm a little afraid. I'm unsure as to what's worse: Not knowing, or knowing.


The reality hit us Saturday afternoon. We had to vote on our pets. Who to keep and who to re-home. It made us cry. The good news is that it's not perfect, but our former boarder is taking a cat, so we can have a clear conscience.


Still, I'm panicking.


I want this rough patch to be over already.


"Home" is such a lovely word.


The stress has taken it's toll on my health. I'm surprised it took so long. I'm also feeling better already. Modern medicine is wonderful!


Speaking of medicine, I've decreased the edibles I use. In other words, I'm taking less. I'm not sure if it's because the pain has decreased, or if it's got something to do with it staying in my system longer. I still restrict my usage to 8AM to 3PM only.


I feel emotionally better now than I did when I started writing this 2 hours ago.