BOOM! It Was Bound To Happen!

It's been a mental week. Meaning, I've had quite a bit on my mind. It started with me letting loose in my Journal. Beginning with "Gangbangs and Other Things That Go BUMP! In The Night."

https://keepcalmanddowhatmerrytellsyou.blogspot.com/2017/02/gangbangs-and-other-things-that-go-bump.html

I followed up on it 24 hours later with "Sex Talk (A Continuation of Other Things That Go BUMP! In The Night)"

https://keepcalmanddowhatmerrytellsyou.blogspot.com/2017/02/sex-talk-continuation-of-other-things.html

In that, I mentioned that I was waiting on Stitch to "do something" (anything?) 24 hours later, he still hadn't said or done anything. I was getting increasingly pissed and I wrote "::Radio Silence::"

https://keepcalmanddowhatmerrytellsyou.blogspot.com/2017/02/radio-silence.html

Stitch never reads anything I write, so this is a way to vent. Shilo does read my writing, although I'm sure I confuse him at times. What he does know for sure is that when I'm upset about something, it affects everyone. Kind of like that old saying, "If Momma Ain’t Happy, Ain’t Nobody Happy." Well, Momma Ain't Happy. I only managed to feel worse when I was updating my blog on Blogspot here, and I decided to go back and read my earliest entries. Most of them were full of Love and a little uncertainty in how I would do at starting my Poly Household. Those made me smile. There were also quite a few entries where I was struggling because I had no clue how to handle the challenges in front of me. Apparently I spent quite a bit of time crying. It's okay though, because there was growth. Then I read the following paragraph written in December 2013:

I can’t really talk about Shilo’s qualities without mentioning Stitch. It wouldn’t be fair. Stitch is loving and caring and, whatever he does, he means well. He’s always anticipating my next move, and will often go above and beyond what is expected/requested of him, often to his own detriment. It’s endearing and irritating. Shilo, on the other hand, is self-assured, and is a pretty good judge of character. He has a low tolerance for people who whine, and he gets things done right the first time without prompting. Where Stitch guesses, Shilo knows, and if I give him something to do, it will be done right.

It was like someone had poured ice cold water over my head. The reality that I had somehow failed with Stitch. It really bothered me. I decided to write about it in a group I belong to on Fetlife:

We all want to move forward, at least I hope we all would. So what happens when you realize someone isn't progressing but staying stuck?

I decided to update my online journal because I couldn't sleep, and when I finished, I read some entries from a little over 3 years ago. In it, I noticed that my complaints/concerns about someone in my life are STILL the same! It made me feel like a failure when it comes to this. Currently, this item is driving a wedge in our relationship, and I'm feeling a combination of anger, frustration, and sadness. Realizing that nothing I've said or done has made a difference.

EDITED TO CLARIFY:
This is one thing that both myself and another have discussed with this person, and it's a combination of behaviors.

1. This person does what they "think" I want instead of asking what I want. This will often wind up with wasting resources as well as time.

2. When this person is reminded that I didn't tell them to do or get that thing, they get an attitude and often blame me.

3. When I sit down with this person and tell them what I really want from them, they don't put any effort into it and make excuses such as "You looked busy" or "you were asleep" in spite of the fact that they know I'm never "too busy" or "too sleepy" for them.

I clarified more:

It's really simple things, but it's built up over time.

EXAMPLE: I'm a creature of habit. Weekday mornings I handle my own stuff, but on weekends, I like coffee. Sometimes with a small amount of cereal in a bowl with a spoon. I also need a larger empty bowl so my coffee cup doesn't accidentally spill. Shilo has taken it upon himself to pay attention and he knows how I like my coffee, so he will bring it to me the way I like it, but he always asks me if I want the cereal before he brings me anything. He will let me sit for an hour or more and not bring anything until I ask, and that's okay. The other person (who has been around much longer) will bring the cup of coffee with all the ingredients on the side in a tray as soon as I appear awake. I know it sounds wonderful, but sometimes I still have to get to the bathroom or remove a cat from my lap, or I'm just nor ready yet. All I want is for him to ask me if I'm ready for (item) or ask if I want (item) or just wait for me to ask. I mean, I ask for everything else. More recently, I've waken up feeling sick and wanted to throw up. Before I can even get up, this person has coffee and everything else on my lap. The results have been ugly. I appreciate the thought, but I'm constantly having to remind him that if I want him to do something, I'll ask, or if he thinks I want something to ask. The breakfast is just an example.There's a lot more.

On the other hand, there is one and only one thing that I like and have requested that they ask me if I want it. It's a treat for me and them as well, and it's something I won't ask for. They know this. I've made it perfectly clear that this treat is to be offered to me, and if they take things into their own hands, there will be hell to pay. This has been happening way too frequently lately.

I'm just left wondering if it's too hard to ask me. Ask and don't assume. I don't mind being waken up, and I'm never too busy to give either of them what they want. I just get tired of having to remind this other person to wait until I either ask, or they can ask me. Just don't assume.

 
I sat on this for over a day, reading replies from members of the group, but avoiding any confrontation with Stitch. Until it happened yet again Friday after dinner. Stitch was in another room, but we could see each other and I was talking to him about something important. He was replying, so I turned my head and continued. Stitch didn't reply. I turned my head, and he was gone! I got up, and invited him into the living room. He already was displaying that "Don't give a shit" attitude, and it pushed me over the edge. I told him to sit down, and I asked him why he walked away when I was still talking. "I thought you were finished." I said, "That's the problem right there. You thought. I didn't tell you I was finished, and you didn't ask. You just walked away." I went on to finish having the discussion I was having with him, and then Shilo explained that I was so concerned over the item I was discussing because I wanted to make sure we all look nice for an upcoming event. Not an easy task when I've lost 40 pounds, and it looks like Shilo took them from me. We decided to take care of my concerns when we got back from our Saturday errands (today).



With that settled, I went back to my main concern. We no longer have weekly Household meetings, and the only way things are going to improve is if we talk about things. He pushed me over the edge by not listening to my concerns, and getting an attitude when I try to tell him anything, and by anything, he even got pissed when I told him I emptied the dishwasher, and the dishes he was putting away so carefully were dirty. I Love him. I made a commitment to him, and I plan on keeping it, but he needs to work with me.



Honestly, I'm not sure if any of what I said about our relationship got through to him, but I tried. I have always told him in the past when he's done those things that are (probably) unintentionally thoughtless in hopes that repeating the message it might get through to him, and my hope is that he will tell me what is bothering him instead of holding it in. There's still that fucking elephant in the room, but he needs to address it. I gave my best. I gave my all. It's his turn.