Woes

Sunday will be over in a matter of hours, and I've been away too much. Yes, I have a job (or, rather several jobs) and responsibilities in a women's organization I belong to. It's required more traveling than I first imagined, and, yes, I'm exhausted. I'm away too much, and my Family is suffering. I can't always keep the home fires burning enough, and I feel like somewhere/sometime in the past week, I managed to fail both Shilo and Stitch.  It doesn't help that I am coming down with a sinus infection. I'm irritated at the slightest thing, and I'm generally unhappy.

I responded in an irritated manner to Shilo earlier this evening, because he made a noob mistake. The type of thing that would not have happened at all if I had been home with him instead of East Bumfuck, CA. I know I can't always be around, and I know he's going to make mistakes. I even understand that some of them will be HUGE, but I'd really prefer that he spoke to me first before he attempted to do something in the BDSM realm, especially if he has no idea as to what it entails. I mean, I LOVE him, and my first instinct is to protect him from people/things that I feel would be detrimental to him/us. It's kind of like when a child runs out into the street, and the mother runs after him, and yells at him, and spanks him or punishes him. It's the fear that causes the mother to respond that way. There's the relief, but also anger that the child did something he wasn't supposed to do. so, the child gets punished. No, Shilo is not a child, but when it comes to BDSM things, he is like a child. I really hope he understands my response to his mistake. I'm more angry at myself than I am at him. Stitch? Well, he's Stitch, and my personal goal for him is that he (FINALLY) learns to listen, and does what I ask him, instead of doing what he thinks I want done. I gave him a few assignments for this weekend, and it looks like he actually did what I requested. How much pushing/encouraging Shilo had to do to get Stitch to do it is something I don't know, but I'm sure I'll find out.

The most important thing I'm learning is that I need to be home to get things in order, get things done, and nurture these two. Making time for us is of utmost importance.

I think I'll post this sooner rather than later.