Deflated

This morning started out with much positivity and high hopes. I was about 5-10 minutes late getting Shilo from work, but he seemed happy. Stitch called to say he had a flat, so I knew I'd have to take him to work when I got Shilo home, but it was okay. Didn't bother me any...

I came home from all that, and the mood here had changed. Long story short: Shilo was no longer in a nice mood, which affected my mood, and I wasn't happy, either. Tears came quickly, and I was generally unhappy all day.

I know (or, I hope I know) that Shilo didn't intend to hurt me. All I can say is that my desire is for Shilo to be happy, and my hope is that I bring him joy. It wasn't like that today, and I felt (and still feel) like I'm a failure.

Stitch is blissfully ignorant of my feelings. No, I haven't purposely hidden them, it's just that sometimes he's so wrapped up in his own little world  that he 'misses' other things. It's just easier to let him stay that way.

Shilo has now left for work, dinner is almost cooked, and I'm trying to be happy, but I still can't find my Happy Place. I'm just not sure if I can muddle through this.

I'm starting to hate myself because I can't fix this, and every time I see a light at the end of the tunnel, it's a freight train. I'm tired of crying, and I'm tired of Sunshine coming out when I'm unhappy. She doesn't deserve this.

Hopefully, all this will go back to happier times soon.