Friday, November 22, 2013

Digging A Hole

I've not said anything to Stitch about Shilo. I just told him Shilo was feeling out of sorts, so I'll be sleeping in bed with Stitch instead. It's not really his business, anyway, and if Shilo wants Stitch to know, he can tell him himself. I don't think it's a good idea to tell Stitch that Shilo wants alone time right now.

I don't expect anyone to understand me, but I'll try to explain. All my relationships are based on trust. If you violate that trust by being dishonest, my trust in you will naturally decrease. I need to feel that the people I choose to have near me are people that I feel will be honest with me. I will forgive, but I'm not likely to forget, if only so I don't repeat the same mistake. So... where does this bring me?  If a person violates my trust, I'll be less likely to trust that person as much.  This even applies to people I Love. I don't Love them any less, but I also will be more guarded with them. I haven't ever (to my knowledge) completely lost my trust in anyone unless they have caused me physical or severe emotional harm. I can count those people on one hand. Being defensive when you violate my trust does not make me feel bad, instead, it causes me to be less empathetic.

I realize that by writing and posting this, I put myself at risk of digging my own grave, but I refuse to give up without a fight. Earning the trust back that I lost in you isn't easy, but it's a gradual thing, and it's no reason to do even more things to pull away my trust.

I'm giving all I can, and I'll give as much space as is needed, but at the end of the day, it's still "us" and not just "me" or "you." I cannot apologize for my justifiable actions, but if I am wrong, I will apologize. This is merely an explanation, not an accusation.

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