This time, excerpts from the horse's mouth! No, not one horse, several of them. Due to the anomic aphasia, some words might be eliminated or changed, but I will strive to keep the meaning the same.
Name of horse:Child #4 (Babyman)
What was said: "Dad called and said he's not gonna challenge you and Auntie in court next week."
What it means to me: Well, I'm more than a little suspicious... What does he (Deadbeat) have in mind anyway?
Name of horse: Me (to Babyman)
What was said:"I'm going to listen to your voicemail from him."
What it means to me: Well, I couldn't believe it was really true, so I listened to it. Decided I'd call him (Deadbeat) and catch him off-guard.
Name of horse: Child #2 (Boo Bear)
What was said: "I ordered parts for my car so I can fix it all the way and get it out of your driveway."
What it means to me: Finally! After 4 months, it would be nice to not have to park our cars on the street!
Name of horse: Soft Kitty (A sub I was considering)
What was said: "If BDSM isn't sexual for you, then I can't submit to you."
What it means to me: Honestly??? Well after the whole back and forth of the past 3 weeks where he couldn't make up his mind on anything, I'm kind of relieved.
Name of horse: Me (to Soft Kitty)
What was said: "I'm the Dominant, and since you are now seeking another one, please block me so I don't have to watch."
What it means to me: Relief, Honestly, I'm relieved. It was getting to be too much work to get even a little cooperation.
Name of horse: Smartest Horse up until sometime back (needs a new name)
What was said: "I guess I didn't Love you nearly as much as you Loved me, but I do care for you."
What it means to me: OUCH!!! Well, not really... I had my suspicions. Things had been tanking fast back then, and if it hadn't ended the way it did, it would have ended for a myriad of other reasons, and the time he was in the pasture was good for me, and a little heartbreak every now and then is good.
Name of horse: Me (to Horse that needs new name)
What was said: "I'm looking forward to riding your ass."
What it means to me: Well, I am... We enjoyed our rides before, so why would this be different? Oh yeah... He's been in the pasture, and I'm in a completely different headspace. I'm a little anxious/nervous, but I'm sure the horse hasn't completely forgotten how to make me purr in delight.
Name of horse:Me (to myself)
What was said: "Must stay calm, and stop counting down."
What it means to me: well, it's a habit, and I'm understandably feeling that way. I'm afraid (scared shitless) of how we will react to each other
Name of horse: Me (to Horse that needs new name)
What was said: "I'll let you take the lead in the emotion department."
What it means to me: WTF???!!! This isn't like me at all! I'm already putting up my emotional guards.
Name of horse: Shilo
What was said: "You've got a boyfriend" (said in a sing-song voice)
What it means to me: He's teasing me in a good-natured way. It's his way of showing approval, but he doesn't want me to get hurt. I don't know how or if I should reassure him. Opening my heart means I run that risk. I will try to not obsess too much. (Too late!)
Name of horse: Babyman
What was said: "I don't worry about your relationship with Stitch anymore."
What it means to me: He's finally understanding that polyamory can work.
Name of horse: Deadbeat
What was said: "I decided to not fight you and your sister in court next week."
What it means to me: I have mixed feelings. All this has been nearly 9 months in the making, and it's taken this long because he kept fighting it. So, while I'm relieved, I'm also angry because of all the time, energy, and money spent on what could have been solved MONTHS ago!
Name of horse: Stitch
What was said: "I Love you babygirl, and I'm so glad we're alone."
What it means to me: What he's really saying is that he's glad I took Babyman home today. Having him here cramps our lifestyle. I agree 100%, but I love my time with Babyman.
Name of horse: Me (to anyone reading this)
What was said: "I Love all my children, and they mean the world to me."
What it means to me: Just what I wrote. It's just that I'm out of the closet now in most areas, but I don't feel comfortable doing more than hugging Stitch or Shilo with them around, and I most certainly can't run around the house naked with them at the house.
Name of horse: Daddy W (in reference to Horse that needs new name)
What was said: "I want all the best for you, and I know you're out, so maybe things will be better for you two now."
What it means to me: I'm just really happy to have his approval and guidance.
Name of horse: Me and Horse that needs new name
What was said: "NSA is best for now."
What it means to me: I'm trying to protect my heart, and I think he is too.
Name of horse: Me (to myself)
What was said: "I can't believe all this stuff has gluten in it."
What it means to me: Exactly that, Feeding Shilo is getting more difficult, and I hate reading labels, but I know it will pay off.
Name of horse: Daddy W (in reference to Soft Kitty)
What was said: "Maybe you wanted it too bad and rushed it and that scared him."
What it means to me:I agree, but it was his (Soft kitty's) indecisiveness that finally made me give up.
Name of horse: Baby Sister
What was said: "I'm glad he (Deadbeat) finally gave up, but I'm pissed about all the work."
What it means to me: Me too! I completely agree!
Name of horse: Neurologist
What was said: "The Specialist and I were discussing changing Babyman's meds. How do you feel?"
What it means to me: Not again! Too much work! Let's stay with this cocktail for a while.
Name of horse: Banker (I was trying to close an account AGAIN!)
What was said: (A whole series of irrelevant questions)
What it means to me: This is why I hate people. I'm too antisocial for this!
Name of horse: Stitch
What was said: What's for Dinner?
What it means to me: OOPS! Time to get off the computer!
But I have one final horse...
Name of horse: Random sub male on collarspace
What was said: "Will UB my Domme? How much do U charge?"
What it means to me: Oh Gawd NO! I'm getting sick of this!
My REAL reply: No, I'm not an elephant or a prostitute. (figure it out reader)
Okay, off to fix a gluten-free meal!
Wednesday, May 27, 2015
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Me and That Damned Saddle!
"Back in the saddle again": Riding the horse you either fell off of, or getting on a horse you've ridden in the past, but not for a long time. Either one is quite an accomplishment, because it takes a certain amount of bravery or foolhardiness to do it. I mean, you just never know. What if the literal or figurative horse bucks, or gets skittish? What if you can no longer find your comfort zone? What if you discover you no longer enjoy riding that horse? So many fears, so many "What ifs."
So, I have this horse... I have a saddle, and I'm getting ready to put the saddle on the horse. I know I'm going to get in that saddle, but there are still questions. Simple ones, like will I just sit and not ride, or will I ride it? How long will I ride it? Will I ride that horse into the sunset?
Yeah, I know I'm getting way too worked up over this horse, but it was a much-loved horse that I enjoyed riding, and it's been a really long time since I rode it. You see, I put that horse out to pasture a long time ago, only to discover recently that this horse was fit for riding again. It's a special, one-of-a-kind horse. A horse of a different color.
I laugh a little when I think of that beloved horse, because it was the smartest horse I ever rode, up until then, and I've ridden other horses since, some that were stubborn as mules, others that were much younger than that horse. But all of the others are gone, save for the smartest horse ever until this point. That one I keep. So I now have the smartest horse ever, and this other horse that is coming in from out of the pasture that used to be the smartest horse, but will now be considered the second smartest one. One did not replace the other, nor will it replace the other. After all, they're horses.
I think that waiting on this horse to arrive is going to be making me crazy. Yee-haw!
So, I have this horse... I have a saddle, and I'm getting ready to put the saddle on the horse. I know I'm going to get in that saddle, but there are still questions. Simple ones, like will I just sit and not ride, or will I ride it? How long will I ride it? Will I ride that horse into the sunset?
Yeah, I know I'm getting way too worked up over this horse, but it was a much-loved horse that I enjoyed riding, and it's been a really long time since I rode it. You see, I put that horse out to pasture a long time ago, only to discover recently that this horse was fit for riding again. It's a special, one-of-a-kind horse. A horse of a different color.
I laugh a little when I think of that beloved horse, because it was the smartest horse I ever rode, up until then, and I've ridden other horses since, some that were stubborn as mules, others that were much younger than that horse. But all of the others are gone, save for the smartest horse ever until this point. That one I keep. So I now have the smartest horse ever, and this other horse that is coming in from out of the pasture that used to be the smartest horse, but will now be considered the second smartest one. One did not replace the other, nor will it replace the other. After all, they're horses.
I think that waiting on this horse to arrive is going to be making me crazy. Yee-haw!
Monday, May 25, 2015
Bonus Post!
My Mother-in-Law is feeling better, she will be undergoing both chemo and radiation soon. The conservatorship hearing was postponed. We go back next week. Child #4 was hospitalized due to multiple seizures and he's with us till Wednesday afternoon. Shilo saw our new doctor last week, and he's now on a gluten free diet.
I'm renting some garage storage space to a friend of our boarder which just about makes up for the money lost because Sherman/Tallship wouldn't pay. An added bonus: When paying bills last week, I saw that the water/gas and electric bill had gone down noticeably. While we aren't out of the woods, I can say that things in that department are looking up.
Sherman/Tallship has been out of my Household for a little over 3 weeks, and I was given some good news. Now if I could manage a little more sleep, I'd feel even better.
I'm renting some garage storage space to a friend of our boarder which just about makes up for the money lost because Sherman/Tallship wouldn't pay. An added bonus: When paying bills last week, I saw that the water/gas and electric bill had gone down noticeably. While we aren't out of the woods, I can say that things in that department are looking up.
Sherman/Tallship has been out of my Household for a little over 3 weeks, and I was given some good news. Now if I could manage a little more sleep, I'd feel even better.
A Full Heart
Soo...What prompted this? Oh, a little of everything.
Sometimes we feel like we're alone, but we aren't. Sometimes we feel like we've been left in the cold and the dark, and we will huddle together with those closest to us and cry out for relief. Other times, we just feel burdened. Let me tell you... I have been so burdened down with the pain and cares of the world lately. I'm responsible, or, at least, I feel responsible for my mistakes, my errors in judgement, my fuck-ups. Ohh.. I've made so many of them, and I beat myself up constantly for them. I had one of those weeks last week, and it all blew up on Saturday. (5-23)
I shut off, shut down. Went into the deep end of the (virtual) pool and stayed underwater. Not on the surface. I let Sunshine pick up the pieces. She has a knack for expressing my feelings in a calm way that I couldn't express. When she pulled me out of the pool and let me back out, I had a feeling of inner peace. Shilo apologized, and while that was nice, he also gave me the forgiveness that I needed. I've carried so much guilt and self-loathing over my error in judgement regarding Sherman/Tallship. It's affected how I interact with Shilo and Stitch, and I was just feeling that my fuck-up on that situation was causing everyone to hate me, when, in reality, it was just me hating myself, and blocking out any Love I had the potential of receiving. He told me that everyone in the household had forgiven me weeks ago, and it was time for me to let go of it. I did. The best part was that a weight was lifted.
He went on (much to my dismay) to tell me that the sub I was considering would not work out, and I told him to give it time. I figured out it was doomed before it started, but I pursued it anyway. Blame the masochist in me. Well, that time is up. The ship has sailed. I'm tired of explaining to someone why BDSM isn't Burger King. Now, while all this was happening, I saw something on the internet that caused my heart to feel good. It was just a picture with a caption, but that little picture made me smile. I gave a quiet acknowledgement and waited.That quiet acknowledgement was received, and I was reminded again that anything worth having is worth waiting for, and that we all have guardian angels. Maybe not the kind that some Christians believe, but we all have people who do care about us, but we can't always see them. No, not stalkers either. I found out today that I had one, and it filled my heart with happiness.
For quite a long time, I tore myself apart over something (not mentioned here) that I knew full well wasn't my responsibility or my fault. Today I finally received word that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I was told the hidden part of the story. That lifted a weight as well.
I don't know whether things have improved, but I can say that the guilt and pain I've been carrying has been tossed in the trash where it belongs, and I'm ready for a new adventure with the Ones I Love.
Sometimes we feel like we're alone, but we aren't. Sometimes we feel like we've been left in the cold and the dark, and we will huddle together with those closest to us and cry out for relief. Other times, we just feel burdened. Let me tell you... I have been so burdened down with the pain and cares of the world lately. I'm responsible, or, at least, I feel responsible for my mistakes, my errors in judgement, my fuck-ups. Ohh.. I've made so many of them, and I beat myself up constantly for them. I had one of those weeks last week, and it all blew up on Saturday. (5-23)
I shut off, shut down. Went into the deep end of the (virtual) pool and stayed underwater. Not on the surface. I let Sunshine pick up the pieces. She has a knack for expressing my feelings in a calm way that I couldn't express. When she pulled me out of the pool and let me back out, I had a feeling of inner peace. Shilo apologized, and while that was nice, he also gave me the forgiveness that I needed. I've carried so much guilt and self-loathing over my error in judgement regarding Sherman/Tallship. It's affected how I interact with Shilo and Stitch, and I was just feeling that my fuck-up on that situation was causing everyone to hate me, when, in reality, it was just me hating myself, and blocking out any Love I had the potential of receiving. He told me that everyone in the household had forgiven me weeks ago, and it was time for me to let go of it. I did. The best part was that a weight was lifted.
He went on (much to my dismay) to tell me that the sub I was considering would not work out, and I told him to give it time. I figured out it was doomed before it started, but I pursued it anyway. Blame the masochist in me. Well, that time is up. The ship has sailed. I'm tired of explaining to someone why BDSM isn't Burger King. Now, while all this was happening, I saw something on the internet that caused my heart to feel good. It was just a picture with a caption, but that little picture made me smile. I gave a quiet acknowledgement and waited.That quiet acknowledgement was received, and I was reminded again that anything worth having is worth waiting for, and that we all have guardian angels. Maybe not the kind that some Christians believe, but we all have people who do care about us, but we can't always see them. No, not stalkers either. I found out today that I had one, and it filled my heart with happiness.
For quite a long time, I tore myself apart over something (not mentioned here) that I knew full well wasn't my responsibility or my fault. Today I finally received word that I don't have to worry about it anymore. I was told the hidden part of the story. That lifted a weight as well.
I don't know whether things have improved, but I can say that the guilt and pain I've been carrying has been tossed in the trash where it belongs, and I'm ready for a new adventure with the Ones I Love.
Monday, April 20, 2015
A Little Update
I'm breathing a little easier... My much-Loved MIL went through the brain surgery successfully. I don't know/have all the details, but knowing that the hard part is over makes me feel better.
Tomorrow is court for child #4's conservatorship.It needs to be continued, but because his father isn't cooperating, I have to show up to get the new date. I'm not happy about it, but my hands are tied.
In the meantime, Tallship/Sherman moved out, or, rather, he left. His stuff is still here, including his dog, but he's gone, and I guess that's what matters.
There's other stuff, but I'm not into flogging deceased equines.
Tomorrow is court for child #4's conservatorship.It needs to be continued, but because his father isn't cooperating, I have to show up to get the new date. I'm not happy about it, but my hands are tied.
In the meantime, Tallship/Sherman moved out, or, rather, he left. His stuff is still here, including his dog, but he's gone, and I guess that's what matters.
There's other stuff, but I'm not into flogging deceased equines.
Monday, April 13, 2015
A Confession/explanation From the Heart
This
isn't easy for me. I like being in control and having a choice, but I
really have no choice right now, because of a lack of options. I
don't want to look selfish, or like I'm complaining, so even opening
up to write this is bringing me discomfort, and I practically hate
myself for opening up, but it's not good for me to hide my feelings
whether they are good or bad. This has to come out.
Shilo has not felt well for months now, and all the trying in the world hasn't fixed it. To say it's affected our relationship is an understatement. We've given up all the things that brought us joy. I miss it, and I miss it so bad it hurts. It's not his fault, it's not my fault, it just is... It's been suggested, and I've considered finding someone who can and will do those things. I've smiled, nodded my head, and pretty much ignored it, because no matter how I've tried, I know that Shilo is the only one I want. This doesn't make me any less polyamorous, or any more monogamous, it just makes me me. It also makes me unhappy, because I can't have the one person I want the way that I want him, and I know in my heart that anyone would be a poor substitute. I guess I could try or even pretend, but it's not one of my strong points, and I'm so much into honesty that lying to myself about it won't work. I miss my husband, my BDSM slave, whatever you want to call it. I miss the man I married, and nobody else will do. I have desires, and only he can fulfill them, but he can't, because he's not well. I can not/will not make him do things that he's unable/unwilling to do. (I hear him in my head saying "You just try.") Anyway, this in itself is enough to make me feel miserable, and I wish it was only that, but it isn't.
We have been slowly running out of money, and now it's to the point that only the mortgage and utilities are getting paid, with very little left for groceries. It adds to our stress level. Shilo took on a second job, and I'm not sure if it's helping or hurting us. Luxuries are quickly becoming a thing of the past. Stitch has offered to get a second job, but I keep telling him no, because he's away from home 12 hours day, 5 days a week as it is. Tallship/Sherman was supposed to be contributing time and money to the Household, but that's a joke, and we've given him till Friday (the 17th) to move out. I/we cannot afford dead weight anymore. I said I'd help, I never said I'd be his sugar momma. I did learn a lesson from all this, but it wasn't a good one. I mean, I've grown to despise him. I never saw that one coming, either.
But wait! There's more!
My Mother-in-law (Shilo's mother) was recently in the hospital for dehydration due to constant vomiting. After a bunch of testing, it was determined that she has numerous 'tumors' including one on the base of her brain. She will be getting radiation for all this. I know my Father-in-law is heartbroken. I'm doing my best to keep it together, but this is hurting so badly. My mom's sudden unexpected death caused me so much pain, and remember how happy I was to have a Mother-in-law when I married Shilo. Family is so important to me, and his family eased my pain. I forgot that we all have a limited time here on earth, but her illness has brought it to the forefront of my mind.
See? All this has everything and nothing to do with me. I mean, it's about them, it's about us, it's about me, and I begin to think how very selfish I am for wanting anything when all this shit is going on. Still... I do want things. Tiny things. I want to feel centered. This chaos is pushing me to the edge. Shilo used to center me, but he hasn't lately, and I just can't find it anymore. All this pain. I need a respite from all of it. It's such a little thing, and a big thing at the same time. I resent having to ask for affection. I don't feel desired or desirable, and I really try so hard to not let it bother me, but it does. I hate myself for wanting. I do! Even as I put these words here, I think that I'm likely to get an angry response, and I probably deserve it, but holding all this in isn't good or healthy. I think I'll go take a nap or something.
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Smiling In Spite Of... (3-28-15)
My Household has had a very difficult 9 months. It's my job as Head
to keep things running as smoothly as possible and keep a cool head when
things go to shit. I'm guilty of having a soft heart (or soft head,
depending on who you're asking) and I'm never ashamed to admit and
apologize for my mistakes, and right them if possible. Unfortunately,
there's one I cannot fix. I invited someone into my home because they
were down on their luck, and if I can help a friend, then I will. This
person offered to assist me with some things in exchange for staying
with us, so I agreed. It was fine until this person put me in a
compromising situation by getting entangled with a sub that was new to
the lifestyle. I advised him as a friend to stay clear of her because
she was new. He had the nerve to accuse me of being racist, so rather
than argue the point, I let him go on, knowing that neither of them knew
what they were doing. Let's just leave it with this: It ended badly,
and I had to do damage control.
NOTE TO SUBMISSIVES/SLAVES:` Unless the Mistress/Master/Dominant is yours, you are not` obligated to obey.
NOTE TO MISTRESSES/MASTERS/DOMINANTS:` Unless they are yours, it it unreasonable and rude to expect any and every submissive or slave to follow your orders.
PERSONAL NOTE:` Sometimes, we need the company of others who share our interests, and staying away does more damage than good.
Right about the time child #4 got out of the hospital, Shilo began having digestive issues. His doctor attributed it to stress, but it got so bad that Shilo was unable to to do do anything physical and so we stopped filming. Just before Christmas, Child #4 had a series of seizures and spent 5 days in the hospital. I'm not a (money) rich woman, and this stress was really getting to me, but I kept going, knowing that things had to eventually improve. I still hold on to that belief. Right about that time, Sunshine made an offhand suggestion to “the mean man” that he should marry his girlfriend. Then, she messaged the girlfriend, and things got ugly. Sunshine told both Stitch and Shilo that the girlfriend was mean, and Sunshine called the girlfriend an 'ungrateful cunt.' Naturally, this only caused more problems, but, in her defense, I think she was feeling my frustration and aggravation. Once more, "The mean man" argued with Sunshine in spite of being told on numerous occasions that arguing with her is completely unacceptable. I was at wit's end, and I hated myself for allowing my heart to lead. I was in a funk from not being around the people I love, and not participating in events. I realized that staying away might be saving a few dollars, but at the expense of my mental well-being. The local community had become my family after the death of my mother, and I missed it.
NOTE TO ALL:`Denying yourself of the people you care about doesn't solve anything.
On New Year's Day, I decided to not take any more shit, and I held a household meeting giving "The mean man" 7 weeks to get a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I also decided that I wasn't going to wallow in depression anymore, and I signed up for the LA GRUE, maxing out my last credit card. It was a small price to pay for better mental health. I smiled more, and I even laughed. Still, I knew that the medical bills (and other bills) were piling up. Shilo was still having issues, so Stitch accompanied me instead, and we provided transportation for my Mentor/other Daddy. It was a happy overwhelming (in a good way) weekend. Somehow, I contracted a "virus from hell" and spent weeks not doing anything, although I went out a few times when I was foolish enough to think I was 'better' only to have it come back with a vengeance a few days later. During the 7+ weeks I was ill, I managed to attend 3 events on nights I thought it was over. My smile was genuine, and the fact that "The mean man" managed to meet the deadline and paid part of what was requested made things a little easier. Still, it was too little too late. Bills were now not only piling up, but the hospital was getting impatient. I don't blame them, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. The fact that I needed to maintain my mental health, pay the mortgage and basic utilities was overwhelming as it was. Dealing with the fact that I had a person in my home that I was beyond loathing added to the stressors, but I somehow managed to smile in spite of it all.
NOTE TO ALL:` Don't quit or give in when things are rotten, try to learn from the mistakes of others, and smile in spite of it all, cause there's always someone worse off than you are.
NOTE TO SUBMISSIVES/SLAVES:` Unless the Mistress/Master/Dominant is yours, you are not` obligated to obey.
NOTE TO MISTRESSES/MASTERS/DOMINANTS:` Unless they are yours, it it unreasonable and rude to expect any and every submissive or slave to follow your orders.
PERIOD!!!
I dislike shit to begin with, but I'm okay with handling mine. Cleaning up a shitstorm cause by another isn't my cup of tea. Let's just say I like to mind my own business, and getting involved with drama (oh, how I detest` that word!) that isn't mine pisses me off. Anyway, instead of sending this person on his merry way, I let him off with a lecture and a stern warning. Give him a chance, right? Then he decided to argue with Sunshine (my little) over some petty thing. Sunshine is 7 years old, and as much as I'd like to say she is well-mannered, she has issues with impulse control. After all, she's 7. I have no control over what she does. Feel free to ask either of her Daddies or Shilo if you doubt it. Still, I forgave him, and Sunshine stayed in hiding when he was around, and she started calling him "The mean man" when he wasn't around. Then, he slowly stopped doing what he agreed to do, and he wasn't investing enough time into finding employment. In the meantime, child #4 (age 25 and developmentally disabled) was having increasing problems with his epilepsy, and needed to be hospitalized for a week so he could be observed, and insurance wasn't going to cover all of it. We're still paying that off. Because I knew that we couldn't afford it, I started a clips 4 sale studio in hopes of supplementing our income so we could pay the medical bills, because I don't want people feeling sorry for me, and I'd rather work for money than take a handout. We stopped attending events for several months thinking that we'd save some money. It didn't really work, and I was sinking into a deep depression, but still wearing that smile.PERSONAL NOTE:` Sometimes, we need the company of others who share our interests, and staying away does more damage than good.
Right about the time child #4 got out of the hospital, Shilo began having digestive issues. His doctor attributed it to stress, but it got so bad that Shilo was unable to to do do anything physical and so we stopped filming. Just before Christmas, Child #4 had a series of seizures and spent 5 days in the hospital. I'm not a (money) rich woman, and this stress was really getting to me, but I kept going, knowing that things had to eventually improve. I still hold on to that belief. Right about that time, Sunshine made an offhand suggestion to “the mean man” that he should marry his girlfriend. Then, she messaged the girlfriend, and things got ugly. Sunshine told both Stitch and Shilo that the girlfriend was mean, and Sunshine called the girlfriend an 'ungrateful cunt.' Naturally, this only caused more problems, but, in her defense, I think she was feeling my frustration and aggravation. Once more, "The mean man" argued with Sunshine in spite of being told on numerous occasions that arguing with her is completely unacceptable. I was at wit's end, and I hated myself for allowing my heart to lead. I was in a funk from not being around the people I love, and not participating in events. I realized that staying away might be saving a few dollars, but at the expense of my mental well-being. The local community had become my family after the death of my mother, and I missed it.
NOTE TO ALL:`Denying yourself of the people you care about doesn't solve anything.
On New Year's Day, I decided to not take any more shit, and I held a household meeting giving "The mean man" 7 weeks to get a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I also decided that I wasn't going to wallow in depression anymore, and I signed up for the LA GRUE, maxing out my last credit card. It was a small price to pay for better mental health. I smiled more, and I even laughed. Still, I knew that the medical bills (and other bills) were piling up. Shilo was still having issues, so Stitch accompanied me instead, and we provided transportation for my Mentor/other Daddy. It was a happy overwhelming (in a good way) weekend. Somehow, I contracted a "virus from hell" and spent weeks not doing anything, although I went out a few times when I was foolish enough to think I was 'better' only to have it come back with a vengeance a few days later. During the 7+ weeks I was ill, I managed to attend 3 events on nights I thought it was over. My smile was genuine, and the fact that "The mean man" managed to meet the deadline and paid part of what was requested made things a little easier. Still, it was too little too late. Bills were now not only piling up, but the hospital was getting impatient. I don't blame them, but you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. The fact that I needed to maintain my mental health, pay the mortgage and basic utilities was overwhelming as it was. Dealing with the fact that I had a person in my home that I was beyond loathing added to the stressors, but I somehow managed to smile in spite of it all.
SOLUTION
Shilo decided to take on a second part-time job so we could catch up a little bit, and I know he'd rather spend his off time with me, but taking care of the Household is something we're all responsible for, and I've done some freelance work to help pay bills too. Our clips 4 sale site is still up, but we don't get many buyers, in spite of the “hits” we get. I'm hoping that will change soon. I recently managed to sell a few stories, and I decided that it was a reason to celebrate, so tonight I'm going out with Shilo and Stitch to a play party. Yes, it will eat up my earnings, but I managed to pay off all the utilities so they are up-to-date, and some of the pressure is off. Am I worried about the other stuff? You bet! However, I can't allow myself to get overwhelmed by it. We had to cancel a much-needed test for Shilo a few days ago because we weren't notified until the day before how much it was going to cost (too much!) and he was expected to pay for it up front. Still, I smile in spite of, because when you've reached bottom, the only way is up, and I'm not quitting.NOTE TO ALL:` Don't quit or give in when things are rotten, try to learn from the mistakes of others, and smile in spite of it all, cause there's always someone worse off than you are.
Tuesday, March 3, 2015
Adventures in Errand Running (3-2-15)
Introduction: For those of you not "In
the know" I'll use this to explain my Household. Stitch works day shift
Monday through Friday. He rides a bicycle 20 miles round-trip every day
he works. Shilo works extended graves 3 nights a week. (Sunday, Monday,
and Tuesday) He comes home on Wednesday mornings totally exhausted. The
advantage is that his 40 hours are compacted in that time, and I'm never
left alone at home for more than 2 hours on Monday, Tuesday and
Wednesday mornings. The disadvantage is that I usually wind up running
errands alone if I have to do them on Monday or Tuesday. Such was the
case today.
Setting: I was unable to take care of banking on Friday or Saturday last week, so it had to be done today. I mean, I paid the bills, but the cash was at the other bank (Chase) that Shilo uses. I also had 2 prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy, and Donna needed food. I also had to buy groceries. Not overly stressful when you look at it, but the events were not quite that simple. (They never are)
The Plan: get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time, driving the least amount of miles. Not an easy task... The pharmacy is 4 miles away, the nearest pet food store from my house is 4.5 miles from my house, but an additional 3 miles away from the pharmacy, and let's not even discuss the banks
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The Decision: If I drove to a shopping Center in Lakewood, I could do everything but get my prescriptions in a 2 block radius, then drive back to the pharmacy, which would be on my way home. Total time spent driving would be 45 minutes round-trip, and I could park in one spot for the banking, and pet food store Easy-peasy!
The Reality: I woke up to rain. Heavy rain. Shilo was already in bed next to me, and he was warm and inviting. Did I really have to go out? Well... I had one night's worth of seizure medication, Donna was out of her food, and the banking? Well, I was already 3 days overdue on that one. Couldn't escape any of it. The rain got harder, and Shilo was soo warm, and he was holding me in such a way that if I tried to get up and out of his hold, I'd wake him. Then there was my cat, Tsunami. He was asleep on my chest. So warm, so cozy. I laid in the cuddle pile for a few hours, enjoying every minute of it.
An overly-full bladder and the sun peeking through the clouds and the curtains finally caused me enough discomfort to get out of bed. Out of all of us, I think Tsunami was miffed the most. It was going on 2:30 by then, so I knew I had to leave, I took a quick shower and left. I also managed to leave both my shopping list and the bank instructions (how much to withdraw) at home. I knew I could wing the shopping list, but I wasn't sure how much money I needed. I had to call (and wake) Shilo for that information. Waking Shilo when he's worked the night before and has to work again in a few hours is an ugly thing. He wasn't happy about me waking him. I don't blame him at all...
How I resisted calling him again after the event at his bank was done by sheer willpower. Needless to say, I didn't call him, and the only thing I've told him about it was that I said "SHIT!!!" loudly enough to turn heads. It was horribly embarrassing, and instead of the 3 minutes I allotted at Chase, I spent 20 minutes there, mostly with a red face and a sheepish grin. There are customers who may never forget or forgive me for my outburst and the ensuing hassle I caused, but, honestly, the events (other than me yelling "SHIT!") were not my fault.
Once that was done, I deposited the money in my bank, bought food for Donna, and headed to the pharmacy, and I managed to buy most of my groceries at the store where the pharmacy is located. Oh! Did I hear you complain that I didn't tell you what happened at Chase? I will... be patient! I still had to stop at Von's for some of the groceries, but it was on the way home, and I finally got home at 5:30, nearly an hour after I had planned on getting home. Unfortunately Stitch didn't answer his phone (as usual) so I had to walk in with the first set of bags using the long way.
I had just finished bringing in the bags and putting away the groceries when Shilo got up for work. I hinted that it had been an adventure today, but I told him he'd have to wait until I posted this.
The Public Humiliation: I'm not very fond of interacting with bank tellers, and, under normal circumstances, I'd use the ATM and be on my way, but the ATM has a limit of $500 for Shilo's account. This means I has no choice but to go inside. They have these huge machines that you can withdraw any amount you want without dealing with a teller. You can even choose the denominations of the cash. I swiped my card and entered $540. A big notice flashed on the screen that I could only withdraw $200. I was confused, but I re-entered my card and PIN and entered $200 for withdrawal, figuring I could withdraw more later. The machine made all kinds of noise, and I was getting worried that there was something wrong, I mean, it was making loud noises, and nothing was happening. Finally, it let out a loud groan and it spit out $200...
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in ONES!
That's right! Two hundred one dollar bills!!! Naturally, my response was SHIT!!! I mean, I had a huge pile of bills in my hand, there were 15 people in line, and I wasn't about to stand in that line with all that money!
I saw a man at a desk in an office, and I tapped on the door. He laughed when he saw the horrified look on my face. I guess the machine started doing that in the morning with everyone. He promised me it would be getting fixed, but the damage and embarrassment had already been done.
He apologized, took the cash in the back, and I heard someone let out a hoot, and then "Jackpot!" It took an awfully long time for him to return, but I guess the money needed to be hand-counted. It was when he returned with the two $100 bills that I realized he had customers at his desk. No doubt they were silently cursing me under their breath.
I hightailed it out of the bank, stopped at the ATM and got the rest of the money, glad that nothing worse had happened.
Moral: There is none, other than expect the unexpected when you least expect it. Well, that, and don't yell expletives in a full bank with children present.
Setting: I was unable to take care of banking on Friday or Saturday last week, so it had to be done today. I mean, I paid the bills, but the cash was at the other bank (Chase) that Shilo uses. I also had 2 prescriptions to pick up at the pharmacy, and Donna needed food. I also had to buy groceries. Not overly stressful when you look at it, but the events were not quite that simple. (They never are)
The Plan: get as much done as possible in the shortest amount of time, driving the least amount of miles. Not an easy task... The pharmacy is 4 miles away, the nearest pet food store from my house is 4.5 miles from my house, but an additional 3 miles away from the pharmacy, and let's not even discuss the banks
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The Decision: If I drove to a shopping Center in Lakewood, I could do everything but get my prescriptions in a 2 block radius, then drive back to the pharmacy, which would be on my way home. Total time spent driving would be 45 minutes round-trip, and I could park in one spot for the banking, and pet food store Easy-peasy!
The Reality: I woke up to rain. Heavy rain. Shilo was already in bed next to me, and he was warm and inviting. Did I really have to go out? Well... I had one night's worth of seizure medication, Donna was out of her food, and the banking? Well, I was already 3 days overdue on that one. Couldn't escape any of it. The rain got harder, and Shilo was soo warm, and he was holding me in such a way that if I tried to get up and out of his hold, I'd wake him. Then there was my cat, Tsunami. He was asleep on my chest. So warm, so cozy. I laid in the cuddle pile for a few hours, enjoying every minute of it.
An overly-full bladder and the sun peeking through the clouds and the curtains finally caused me enough discomfort to get out of bed. Out of all of us, I think Tsunami was miffed the most. It was going on 2:30 by then, so I knew I had to leave, I took a quick shower and left. I also managed to leave both my shopping list and the bank instructions (how much to withdraw) at home. I knew I could wing the shopping list, but I wasn't sure how much money I needed. I had to call (and wake) Shilo for that information. Waking Shilo when he's worked the night before and has to work again in a few hours is an ugly thing. He wasn't happy about me waking him. I don't blame him at all...
How I resisted calling him again after the event at his bank was done by sheer willpower. Needless to say, I didn't call him, and the only thing I've told him about it was that I said "SHIT!!!" loudly enough to turn heads. It was horribly embarrassing, and instead of the 3 minutes I allotted at Chase, I spent 20 minutes there, mostly with a red face and a sheepish grin. There are customers who may never forget or forgive me for my outburst and the ensuing hassle I caused, but, honestly, the events (other than me yelling "SHIT!") were not my fault.
Once that was done, I deposited the money in my bank, bought food for Donna, and headed to the pharmacy, and I managed to buy most of my groceries at the store where the pharmacy is located. Oh! Did I hear you complain that I didn't tell you what happened at Chase? I will... be patient! I still had to stop at Von's for some of the groceries, but it was on the way home, and I finally got home at 5:30, nearly an hour after I had planned on getting home. Unfortunately Stitch didn't answer his phone (as usual) so I had to walk in with the first set of bags using the long way.
I had just finished bringing in the bags and putting away the groceries when Shilo got up for work. I hinted that it had been an adventure today, but I told him he'd have to wait until I posted this.
The Public Humiliation: I'm not very fond of interacting with bank tellers, and, under normal circumstances, I'd use the ATM and be on my way, but the ATM has a limit of $500 for Shilo's account. This means I has no choice but to go inside. They have these huge machines that you can withdraw any amount you want without dealing with a teller. You can even choose the denominations of the cash. I swiped my card and entered $540. A big notice flashed on the screen that I could only withdraw $200. I was confused, but I re-entered my card and PIN and entered $200 for withdrawal, figuring I could withdraw more later. The machine made all kinds of noise, and I was getting worried that there was something wrong, I mean, it was making loud noises, and nothing was happening. Finally, it let out a loud groan and it spit out $200...
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in ONES!
That's right! Two hundred one dollar bills!!! Naturally, my response was SHIT!!! I mean, I had a huge pile of bills in my hand, there were 15 people in line, and I wasn't about to stand in that line with all that money!
I saw a man at a desk in an office, and I tapped on the door. He laughed when he saw the horrified look on my face. I guess the machine started doing that in the morning with everyone. He promised me it would be getting fixed, but the damage and embarrassment had already been done.
He apologized, took the cash in the back, and I heard someone let out a hoot, and then "Jackpot!" It took an awfully long time for him to return, but I guess the money needed to be hand-counted. It was when he returned with the two $100 bills that I realized he had customers at his desk. No doubt they were silently cursing me under their breath.
I hightailed it out of the bank, stopped at the ATM and got the rest of the money, glad that nothing worse had happened.
Moral: There is none, other than expect the unexpected when you least expect it. Well, that, and don't yell expletives in a full bank with children present.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
You Wanna Know A Secret? (2-3-15)
I'm a Dominant. That means that, like it or not, I get to
decide if I want you around me, my Household, my Pack, my chosen
Family. It means, in my Household, at least, I get to choose your
position. Are you an Alpha male? Well, I get to decide that. Trying to
find my favor and usurping authority does not go over well. My Household
has a hierarchy. You can be Beta, Omega, or somewhere in between, but I
chose the Alpha male. He has earned that spot.
If or when I invite you to be a part of my Household, I will give you
my rules for all household members. I will be patient and kind in
explaining what I expect, and how I want things done. I will correct you
the first few times you make an error, but I will expect you to
remember them. I might even go behind you and do things the way I want
them done. I expect you to notice and learn. I expect no argument as to
why you think your way is better. In fact, arguing will not be
tolerated. Discussions are welcome.
I do my best to be fair and equal and I give options whenever possible. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. Do not, even for a moment, think you will get away with shit. I keep track. I listen, and I know. I have a breaking point, and you will have time to get your shit in order. I might surprise you, but it's only because you didn't listen or heed the warnings that were liberally given.
Don't point fingers at the others. Don't disrespect them. They have the same rules as you. Let this serve as a warning to those who follow your footsteps. It's too late for one, but there will be others, and they will be wise to learn from your mistakes.
I do my best to be fair and equal and I give options whenever possible. Do not mistake my kindness for weakness. Do not, even for a moment, think you will get away with shit. I keep track. I listen, and I know. I have a breaking point, and you will have time to get your shit in order. I might surprise you, but it's only because you didn't listen or heed the warnings that were liberally given.
Don't point fingers at the others. Don't disrespect them. They have the same rules as you. Let this serve as a warning to those who follow your footsteps. It's too late for one, but there will be others, and they will be wise to learn from your mistakes.
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Sick Still
In about 10 hours, it will be a week since I saw my doctor and was informed that this "plague" I'm suffering from isn't the flu. Call it what you want, it's made me miserable, and other than the several times daily cleanup with baby wipes, it's been a week since I've showered, Yeah, I feel disgusting. I don't know how either Shilo or Stitch can stand being near me. Must be Love.
So, anyway, people ask me about my relationship with Shilo. I do my best to explain, but, unless you're living it, it's not easy to explain in a simple way. I've Loved Stitch for over 10 years now. He's my partner-in-crime, my very special, much-loved ex-husband. People forget that before Shilo, there was Stitch. Stitch who made the adjustments, Stitch who had to learn to share me. I'm not saying Shilo has had it easy, but the adjustments, in regards to me, has been minimal. Shilo met Stitch, knowing that Stitch is/was a part of me. There was short period of time, after Shilo and I got engaged that caused some confusion on Shilo's part, but fortunately, it was short-lived.
There was some 'posturing' and competition until it was explained that there is no real competition. Stitch has his place, Shilo has his, and neither one can replace the other. Stitch is not a masochist, nor is he submissive, and, while Shilo is very protective of Sunshine, he's not her Daddy, and Stitch fills that role nicely. There's other things that Stitch does too, but it's not relevant to the subject.
Since Shilo and I got married, we've managed to get along well. This isn't to say there haven't been disagreements, but we've managed to talk things out. The source of most of our disagreements stems from tallship, and he's got a deadline to move out.
I've dated a few times since Shilo and I got married, but nothing serious, and since I have rules in place for dating someone new, I'm not too likely to get sexually involved with another man or woman anytime soon. Yes, it has now been well over a month since I've engaged in intercourse with either Shilo or Stitch, but, as a rule, I'm sexually satisfied. I doubt very seriously that anyone could make me feel as wonderful as they do, and I'm not going to go looking just to satisfy a temporary need.
I'm very much in Love with Shilo and Stitch, and I don't want anyone else. How many people do you know that can honestly say that? The best part (for me) is that there's no hiding anything. I can hold each one's hand, hug them and kiss them in front of the other, and say "I Love you" without any fear. There's no awkwardness when we're in the same bed together. There was some awkwardness the first night I slept with Shilo, but only because I'd never done that before. By sleeping, I mean sleeping, not sex.
This brings me to my final point: While I never hide my Love for either of them, I also don't parade one in front of the other. I don't have sex with one in front of the other, and I am very private about it when it happens. I try to have sex while the other is away or out of earshot.
Any questions?
So, anyway, people ask me about my relationship with Shilo. I do my best to explain, but, unless you're living it, it's not easy to explain in a simple way. I've Loved Stitch for over 10 years now. He's my partner-in-crime, my very special, much-loved ex-husband. People forget that before Shilo, there was Stitch. Stitch who made the adjustments, Stitch who had to learn to share me. I'm not saying Shilo has had it easy, but the adjustments, in regards to me, has been minimal. Shilo met Stitch, knowing that Stitch is/was a part of me. There was short period of time, after Shilo and I got engaged that caused some confusion on Shilo's part, but fortunately, it was short-lived.
There was some 'posturing' and competition until it was explained that there is no real competition. Stitch has his place, Shilo has his, and neither one can replace the other. Stitch is not a masochist, nor is he submissive, and, while Shilo is very protective of Sunshine, he's not her Daddy, and Stitch fills that role nicely. There's other things that Stitch does too, but it's not relevant to the subject.
Since Shilo and I got married, we've managed to get along well. This isn't to say there haven't been disagreements, but we've managed to talk things out. The source of most of our disagreements stems from tallship, and he's got a deadline to move out.
I've dated a few times since Shilo and I got married, but nothing serious, and since I have rules in place for dating someone new, I'm not too likely to get sexually involved with another man or woman anytime soon. Yes, it has now been well over a month since I've engaged in intercourse with either Shilo or Stitch, but, as a rule, I'm sexually satisfied. I doubt very seriously that anyone could make me feel as wonderful as they do, and I'm not going to go looking just to satisfy a temporary need.
I'm very much in Love with Shilo and Stitch, and I don't want anyone else. How many people do you know that can honestly say that? The best part (for me) is that there's no hiding anything. I can hold each one's hand, hug them and kiss them in front of the other, and say "I Love you" without any fear. There's no awkwardness when we're in the same bed together. There was some awkwardness the first night I slept with Shilo, but only because I'd never done that before. By sleeping, I mean sleeping, not sex.
This brings me to my final point: While I never hide my Love for either of them, I also don't parade one in front of the other. I don't have sex with one in front of the other, and I am very private about it when it happens. I try to have sex while the other is away or out of earshot.
Any questions?
Monday, January 12, 2015
Confession Time
This really isn't much of a confession as it is an admission of failure.
As far as I can remember, the last time I engaged in intercourse was sometime around Thanksgiving. in fact, that was the last time I received any sexual stimulation at all.
You see, boys and girls, I don't masturbate. Well, that's a half-truth. Let's just say that I masturbate once a year or so. I usually do it when I've been having LOTS of sex, and I want that good feeling to continue. I'll orgasm to the point of exhaustion, then sleep for a long time. It's a good happy feeling. My orgasms come rapidly, and I recover quickly. I never have "just one."
Keeping that in mind, last night I decided it had been long enough, and I was going to take matters into my own hands. I was going to masturbate! I read some sexy stories online, then went into the bathroom. I made some ginger paste to stimulate myself in hopes that I'd come quickly. I used a gloved hand and spread the paste on, and I enjoyed the tingle and heat. Then I went into the shower to rinse it off, and I used a toy that usually results in rapid fire orgasms. Only... well, only nothing happened. I didn't even get that "feel good" happiness that will show up when I'm too tired to cum.
I tried. I really tried. I spent the better part of an hour doing what I could to get there, but nothing worked. I finally gave up and went to bed frustrated. So, this morning, when Shilo came home from work, I told him I had a confession to make. He was obviously confused, because I tell him everything anyway. I get the feeling he was imagining something horrible, and he was relieved it wasn't anything bad, but I think he also felt sorry for me. Hell, I felt sorry for myself!
Anyway, with that conversation over, we both went to sleep for a while, and I got up about 10 to start my day, leaving him to sleep. I just feel stupid. I mean, I should have known that I wouldn't orgasm. I guess I'll just have to wait until someone wants me, because taking matters into my own hands is a huge waste of time.
Now that I've admitted that, I feel even more stupid. Laugh if you want. ♥
As far as I can remember, the last time I engaged in intercourse was sometime around Thanksgiving. in fact, that was the last time I received any sexual stimulation at all.
You see, boys and girls, I don't masturbate. Well, that's a half-truth. Let's just say that I masturbate once a year or so. I usually do it when I've been having LOTS of sex, and I want that good feeling to continue. I'll orgasm to the point of exhaustion, then sleep for a long time. It's a good happy feeling. My orgasms come rapidly, and I recover quickly. I never have "just one."
Keeping that in mind, last night I decided it had been long enough, and I was going to take matters into my own hands. I was going to masturbate! I read some sexy stories online, then went into the bathroom. I made some ginger paste to stimulate myself in hopes that I'd come quickly. I used a gloved hand and spread the paste on, and I enjoyed the tingle and heat. Then I went into the shower to rinse it off, and I used a toy that usually results in rapid fire orgasms. Only... well, only nothing happened. I didn't even get that "feel good" happiness that will show up when I'm too tired to cum.
I tried. I really tried. I spent the better part of an hour doing what I could to get there, but nothing worked. I finally gave up and went to bed frustrated. So, this morning, when Shilo came home from work, I told him I had a confession to make. He was obviously confused, because I tell him everything anyway. I get the feeling he was imagining something horrible, and he was relieved it wasn't anything bad, but I think he also felt sorry for me. Hell, I felt sorry for myself!
Anyway, with that conversation over, we both went to sleep for a while, and I got up about 10 to start my day, leaving him to sleep. I just feel stupid. I mean, I should have known that I wouldn't orgasm. I guess I'll just have to wait until someone wants me, because taking matters into my own hands is a huge waste of time.
Now that I've admitted that, I feel even more stupid. Laugh if you want. ♥
Monday, January 5, 2015
January Already???!!!
Here it is... January already! Think of this as an update on my life and Household.
My last post (on December 7th) was the day before I wrote a note to all members of the Household about some things that had me bothered, along with suggestions to make things better/easier for myself and the rest of the Household. I'm happy to say that there have been some improvements, but, in a few cases, it's been a case of "too little, too late." It got so bad, that I wrote another letter to the Household on New Year's Day and told Sherman that he has until February 19th to either have a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I think the majority of us would prefer a move out at this point.
My son Babyman AKA Child #4 has been having increased health issues, so he's been staying at the house with me. I now consider him a part-time member of the Household. Yes, this means that most activities previously allowed are now forbidden on a regular basis, but it's for the best in the long run. My child needs me. Also, we see the Neurology Specialist tomorrow to discuss the results of his MRI he had last month, and the options available. Kind of scary, but we need to do what's best for him and his health.
Finally, lets discuss Polyamory a little bit: Yes, I'm polyamorous, and I have three men living with me and two of them are my sexual partners. People seem to think I have and get sex on a frequent basis, and that simply isn't the case. For the record, the last time I engaged in intercourse with anyone that I recall was sometime in November. If I did it in December, I have no memory of it. I'm sure Shilo will remind me in the comments if we did. I know for a fact that Stitch hasn't. I'm not "complaining" just stating facts. Sherman went so far as to tell me if he wasn't mono he'd "give me some" but my #1 thought was "ICK!!!" Yeah, so now the truth about poly is out. Will I "get some" in January? The jury is still deciding on that.
I'll try to update a little more often.
My last post (on December 7th) was the day before I wrote a note to all members of the Household about some things that had me bothered, along with suggestions to make things better/easier for myself and the rest of the Household. I'm happy to say that there have been some improvements, but, in a few cases, it's been a case of "too little, too late." It got so bad, that I wrote another letter to the Household on New Year's Day and told Sherman that he has until February 19th to either have a job and pay towards Household expenses or move out. I think the majority of us would prefer a move out at this point.
My son Babyman AKA Child #4 has been having increased health issues, so he's been staying at the house with me. I now consider him a part-time member of the Household. Yes, this means that most activities previously allowed are now forbidden on a regular basis, but it's for the best in the long run. My child needs me. Also, we see the Neurology Specialist tomorrow to discuss the results of his MRI he had last month, and the options available. Kind of scary, but we need to do what's best for him and his health.
Finally, lets discuss Polyamory a little bit: Yes, I'm polyamorous, and I have three men living with me and two of them are my sexual partners. People seem to think I have and get sex on a frequent basis, and that simply isn't the case. For the record, the last time I engaged in intercourse with anyone that I recall was sometime in November. If I did it in December, I have no memory of it. I'm sure Shilo will remind me in the comments if we did. I know for a fact that Stitch hasn't. I'm not "complaining" just stating facts. Sherman went so far as to tell me if he wasn't mono he'd "give me some" but my #1 thought was "ICK!!!" Yeah, so now the truth about poly is out. Will I "get some" in January? The jury is still deciding on that.
I'll try to update a little more often.
Sunday, December 7, 2014
WARNING!
My health is very important to me, and I will no longer neglect it just to keep others happy and comfortable.
That is all... (for now)
That is all... (for now)
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